I legitimately don't know if I should be considering and coming to terms with not actually being able to have and keep deeper relationships with people or if it's not a feature and it's actually a bug I should be working even more to fix.

There are people in the world who say that there are only two genders: male and female.
But the heart and soul have much more personality.
It's very sad that people who can't accept this sometimes utter very harsh words.
You were born to live freely.
Chiitan is an ally of transgender people🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍🌈

Why do I have to feel physically ill after socializing without even getting a full, properly codified diagnosis? Ugh...

Also, prob my OCD?, but I hate when I'm just sitting there after a normal conversation w my partner and my brain just decides to go down the "what would life be like if my partner died" route or "what would life be like for my partner if I died" route. Which includes "fun" things like an,

Perpetually torn between just showing everyone this account and showing no one because it might help w understanding OR cause double the problems I'm already having and I'll probably never know.

I hate when every minor thing sends me into a self hatred spiral and feels like a rejection of my entire being and every positive feeling the other person ever had for me. How am I supposed to be there for someone struggling if I'm like this? I'm medicated! I've done 2 types of therapy!

The technofascists have also successfully made everyone doubt everything they are seeing with their own eyes. Is this AI? How can I tell? This has to be AI, right???? Completely destroying our chance at a shared reality.

I get that we're burnt out but... Fucking nvm, we're burnt out.

Hey, my one follower, I'm not going to follow you back (this is a vent account/journal) and you're very obviously not here for the brain dump.

Semi?arguing over random shit is not the way I like to start my fucking week but it is what I get. Pretty sure it's my fault again too but that doesn't stop the feeling that I'm being wronged and/or misunderstood somehow...

Japanese crazy mascot Chitan's Acrylic Pouring Fluid Art
After advertising, protect your heart with art.

一生懸命に絵を描きましたっ☆
タイトル：炎

I wish I could be tailor made just for you.
That your wants and your needs could all be met in me.
I wish I was put together just enough to help gather your pieces.
I wish I was enough.

My spidey senses are telling me that sth's about to go wrong... Oh wait, it's mental illness.

I don't want to be told I'm taking all the right steps anymore, I just want a life manual. I can't...

I want to be affectionate and have long, deep conversations and just as long horny sessions but I am trapped in my permanently tense and uncomfortable meat vessel with a broken brain and I don't think I'll ever be able to grieve that properly. Or truly get past it.
Will try until I'm gone though.

Excuse me while I wait to refresh my phone weather widget in exactly 2 mins bc I updated at the wrong time and the numbers don't all combine to a multiple of 3 or 9.

I'm going to wake up one day and wonder why I'm 40, when that happened and why do I hurt so much even though I would totally put better posture and occasional exercise in my "routine".

Very discouraged and kind of lonely again... Aaahhh...

My legs feel like sponges filled with pain but I finally got payed for my work a couple of times!