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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 43m

big ole ears. what is she hearing

a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 44m

you're not supposed to let a bat in your house man that's a rabies risk

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 11h

nor the read all night and eat cheesecake holiday. like, lady, you raised me catholic, I could see where a protestant would be weirded out but you had us leaving shoes outside our door every year so a dead guy could put chocolate coins in them

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 12h

I've tried to provide examples for the tree thing but they are not believing the other extra new year for trees

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 12h

was explaining sukkot to my parents as "there are 3 main variables to a jewish holiday: something bad happened to jews somewhere in the world, you're gonna have dinner with your family and talk about symbolic foods, and trees" and they are not believing me on the trees

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 12h

there's a lot of people out there who might say they'd *like* to get spitfucked against the wall, but great 4 minutes has the specific ragdollability needed to make it actually happen

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 13h

no cart or nothing

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Reposted by a one-man murdertwunk

Tom Fowler @tomfowler.bsky.social · 15h

Perhaps my greatest work?

My version of the predator meme but with Kermit and Fozzy’s arms clasped.

“Fozzy, you son of a bitch!”

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Reposted by a one-man murdertwunk

charlotte brocontë @halenthir.bsky.social · 22h

historical setting erotica is funnier if you interpret every implausibly cut dick to mean that the subject is jewish. you’ll just be seeing some medieval knight about to pound his squire thinking well mazel tov to this man

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Reposted by a one-man murdertwunk

Will BOO-rows 🖖🍞🥀 @reforest-kelley.bsky.social · 2d

Every once in a while you can still find something good on Facebook

A Tom of Finland drawing of a well-endowed leather daddy accompanied by text that says "AI art? Sorry I prefer gay guy art."

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

cat hard launch!!

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

egg turkey sandwich of some nature on a blueberry bagel

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

I worked a bagel shop in my aggressively southern college's athletic dorm for a day and a half before receiving an order so bad I just walked off forever. whatever you do can't possibly be worse than what I've already seen

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

my coworker asked me if I was packed for my bus tonight (I'm leaving early to go to a slutty gay event acrosstown and told my work I was taking a bus to my parents) and when I went uhhhhh I guess she goes oh, typical man huh

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

I should specify that the bagel order I gave is when I'm eating a full bagel for breakfast without sharing. if I'm eating with a friend or it's a saturday lunch buffet spread I'm going full lox tomato onion. I'm *insisting* upon the capers

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

Every so often I help out with a shabbos lunch-and-learn and the ladies who show up with unmarked sacks of bagels insist that we NEVER pre-cut, not even by an hour. they should start warning speakers that the last 20 mins of their talks will be lost to the incessant thwack of the bagel guillotine

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

Everything bagel, scallion cream cheese, if it's fresh you don't *need* to toast it

Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 1d

Tell me your bagel order and I will tell you *based on NYC cultural expectations* if you have won or lost your election for political office in NYC.

Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 1d

One of my favorite things about NYC is whenever anyone runs for office here they are required to disclose their bagel order.

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

fuck yeah

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 1d

hell yeah

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 2d

the thing about That Summer is neo's influencer boy isn't gay and lava isn't admitting he's into wave but if you teach a guy with no memory how to jack off that's not SEX that's PHILANTHROPY

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 2d

does the pit babe community know about charli xcx's masterpiece vroom vroom (2016)

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Reposted by a one-man murdertwunk

Micah @rincewind.run · 2d

drake, amazingly, still finding brand new ways to lose to kendrick lamar

Joshua J. Friedman @joshuajfriedman.com · 2d

NEW: Federal judge dismisses Drake's defamation case against Kendrick Lamar storage.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.us...

The issue in this case is whether "Not Like Us" can reasonably be understood to convey as a factual matter that Drake is a pedophile or that he has engaged in sexual relations with minors. In light of the overall context in which the statements in the Recording were made, the Court holds that it cannot.

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 2d

guy on the bus is talking about how weird it is to him that now he's 21 and people who are 10 years older than him aren't 25 or 26, they're 31, it's super disorienting, and I don't know how to explain to this child that it only gets weirder forever

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 2d

like to charge reblog to cast

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a one-man murdertwunk @adspexi.bsky.social · 3d

tian isn't ordering and he certainly isn't asking. he's just employing handy context clues to communicate to phupha what is going to happen

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