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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

It’s like the Canadians who said “Talk white!” to the Quebecois.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

“Is that radar of yours correctly calibrated? May I see a guarantee from the manufacturer?”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

I think some of them are being willfully stubborn about learning.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

Trump: Well, it’s time to press the nuclear button. (presses it, but the nuclear box falls apart) Hey, what’s going on here?
Secret Service Agent: We couldn’t get replacement parts for the box because of your tariffs!

alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

First American: What do you intend to do?
Second American: I’m going to go about my life until I get slaughtered.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 3h

Finding Your Roots with Henry Gates!
Henry: Turn the page.
God: Hey, the chart is empty!
Henry: God, you don’t have any parents, you don’t even have a beginning! I couldn’t write anything!
God: Couldn’t you even put Me, Myself and I?
Henry: No, because you didn’t “descend“ from yourself!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

Paul Revere (frantically): The British aren’t coming, the British aren’t coming! They’re lying around drunk in the barracks!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

Finding Your Roots with Henry Gates!
Henry: Turn the page.
Jesus: My mom’s descended from King David, good. But … my dad’s side of the page is blank! How come!
Henry: No, I put God right there, look. But God doesn’t have a genealogy.
Jesus: I wouldn’t have this problem if dad was Prometheus!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

Justus (walking up to Jesus’ cottage in Tegea, his stump in a bandage): Dad, look what the Germans did to me in the Agri Decumates! They, they cut off my hand! I’m ruined!
Jesus (grabbing his stump forcefully): Good to see you again, son!
Justus: Ouch, you squeezed my hand too hard! Wait, my hand?

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

Bigger show or Bugger show?

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

James: Pam’s a kind of kinky girl, the kind you don’t bring home to mother!🎶

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

“She’s kind of kinky girl, the kind you don’t bring home to mother!”🎶

alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

Is there a connection between A and B? It seems to be more than a coincidence.🤔

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

They’re up against Staring Herring and Jack the Knife!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

“We’re going to Anime you until you run screaming from the battlefield!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

“Your going to look pretty silly trying to zip-tie a frog!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

“Hey, who cares if the Romans “killed” me? It didn’t work! And now I’m back and I’m dancing up a storm! Look at that old Pontius Pilate, he‘s speechless, ha ha!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

“I‘m the most famous man in the world! And all I had to do was walk around and tell some stories! Nyah-ah-ah!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 4h

It is some years after the Resurrection. Jesus has retired to Tegea in Arcadia, Greece. A man hurries up to him.
Man: Jesus, my son just got arrested in Rome for being a Christian!
Jesus: You think you’ve got problems? My son just joined the Roman Army! I’m a pacifist, I feel like a perfect fool!

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 5h

Tell that to Little Oscar in his Wiener Mobile! He’s a testy midget, he might run over you.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 5h

Jesus just got out of his tomb and is clipping a hedge when Mary Magdalene comes walking by, looking very dejected.
Jesus (jumping in front of her): Hi, I’m the Son of God!
Mary (screaming): Eeeeeyaaaaagh!
Jesus (laughing): How about this!
Mary: Oh no! Jesus, you’re a Vampire!🦇

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 5h

“The hobbits, the hobbits, the hobbits, the hobbits, to Isengard! To Isengard!”

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 5h

So much trouble comes from hot dogs slithering into buns.🌭

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 5h

ICE faces an amphibious assault.

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alarod.bsky.social @alarod.bsky.social · 5h

ICE faces an amphibious assault.

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