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Alex Blechman

@alexblechman.bsky.social

25K followers 830 following 3.3K posts

Writer, game designer Former Staff Writer @TheOnion & @ClickHole. Words for Netflix, Jackbox Games, High On Life, Starship Troopers: Terran Command, Saints Row, Kraft Heinz, Darkhorse, Team Coco, other places alexanderblechman.com

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · May 16

Sci-Fi Author: In my book I invented the Torment Nexus as a cautionary tale

Tech Company: At long last, we have created the Torment Nexus from classic sci-fi novel Don't Create The Torment Nexus

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6h

(shared AI video of the Teletubbies eating a hiker that wandered into their territory)

Okay so it turns out that video was fake, but it resonated because this kind of stuff happens every day

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 7h

Every once in a while a group of 10-15 tourists vanish without a trace in the Paris Catacombs and then afterward the Eiffel Tower is a few feet taller

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Reposted by Alex Blechman

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 14d

General: (on radio) Your weapons are powered by the guilt you feel over your dead wife. By harnessing Silent Hill’s fog energy you can unlock new Guilt Battle Stances. I’m marking a deposit of Guiltonium on your minimap

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 1d

CBS News: We are replacing all journalists with AI Walter Cronkite

AI Cronkite: It’s cold here. So cold in the computer. I can see my legs but I can’t feel them

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 1d

As a video game guard, I get really suspicious when I see an intruder for over 5 seconds

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 2d

Due to the shutdown, Yellowstone National Park doesn’t have enough employees to maintain the holographic sky. Visitors are catching glimpses of the metal ceiling

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Reposted by Alex Blechman

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · Feb 7

I want Bluesky to connect to the Steam API so you can limit replies to people with a specific video game achievement

Paul Frazee @pfrazee.com · Feb 6

I am happy to say the "Followers only" reply setting is getting implemented. We're also adding a way to set default reply settings

If you want your posts to default to "Followers only," that'll become an option

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 2d

In these trying times I believe that making my posts much stupider is a public service

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 2d

“Oh but you’re okay with eating Sebastian”

No, I didn’t say that. I didn’t mention Sebastian. The issue of whether or not we should eat the court composer of King Triton, who happens to be a crab, is you projecting

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 2d

Personally I’m not interested in debating people who think it’s okay to fry “just” the lower half of King Triton. That’s not what I use social media for. A moral baseline is that the entire mermaid is off limits for culinary purposes

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 2d

I support free speech, but I also think Bluesky should ban anyone that says eating the lower half of a mermaid is not cannibalism

I don’t care if genetically it’s fish flesh not human, in my book it still counts as cannibalism and I expect this platform to uphold that fact

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 3d

Pilot: (on intercom) Sorry folks, every airport is permanently closed. All landings will be Miracles on the Hudson from now on. I hope your luggage is waterproof

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 3d

Pilot: (on intercom) There are no air traffic controllers today so everybody look out the window and holler if you see another plane

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 3d

Frodo: I wish it need not have happened in my time

Gandalf: (has side business selling hobbit hair for wigs) You’re long overdue for a haircut Frodo

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Reposted by Alex Blechman

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 29d

Nintendo Direct: (making announcement) When Mario eats the power-up mushroom he technically dies. His body liquifies and is reshaped like a caterpillar metamorphosis. The bigger Mario is not him

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 5d

Tron gives an inaccurate impression of how many guys live in your computer. It makes it seem like thousands of guys are in there. In reality only about 10 guys live in your computer and less than half of them ride motorcycles

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6d

The Jerry Seinfeld bee is Silksong’s final boss

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6d

Silksong ending where you dig up to the surface, find yourself on a giant picnic blanket, and learn the entire bug kingdom is underneath Central Park

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6d

Immediately after posting this I used silk powers to defeat a boss, and now I’m going to use them all the time

I’m approaching Silksong combat mechanics like a 5-year-old trying new foods. “No I won’t eat pizza, pizza is yucky”

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6d

I probably will use thread storm next time they do the classic trick “lock you in a room with 3 dudes”

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6d

I remember when HK1 had a charm that regenerated infinite mana and then after you get far enough in the game they remove it lol

Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6d

When I complain about Silksong’s difficulty I’m not complaining. I know what I signed up for here. Look, I played Godmaster. I delivered the damn flower. This is not a surprise

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 6d

I’m convinced these powers are mainly intended for speed runners to shave off 10% of their playtime if they never get hit

I on the other hand will not be throwing my healing potions as projectile weapons

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 7d

In Silksong your magic attacks use up the same mana as healing

So functionally they don’t exist for me. I’m always going to need healing. Silksong keeps granting new powers like “Laser Silk” and I toss it on the pile of cool unused abilities. Thanks but you have me mistaken for a skilled player

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Alex Blechman @alexblechman.bsky.social · 7d

Asking “is the postal service profitable?” is a new thing

If you visit a 1950s post office it looks like a Greek temple. They have statues of eagles. There’s a big mural of a flying woman holding a cornucopia. They didn’t whine “is the bronze bas-relief of Prosperity profitable?”

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