Ariane Sherine
@arianesherine.bsky.social
Writer, journalist, photographer. Pop star as @arianexmusic.bsky.social. Debut electropop album BETTER out now. 'The hope-filled Kaleidoscope and uplifting Miracle are among the album's many highlights' - Classic Pop. Author of three Hachette titles.
If you have a kid who’s embarrassed by you… you will feel VERY seen by this. www.tiktok.com/@arianesheri...
December 2, 2025 at 2:15 PM
If you have a kid who’s embarrassed by you… you will feel VERY seen by this. www.tiktok.com/@arianesheri...
I doubt I'll ever get married again, but if I do, I’m going to elope. Fuck the parents (not literally, though that would make the occasion memorable). open.substack.com/pub/arianesh...
Why I'm so scared of marriage
I hate weddings, yes, but it's not just that
open.substack.com
December 2, 2025 at 10:29 AM
I doubt I'll ever get married again, but if I do, I’m going to elope. Fuck the parents (not literally, though that would make the occasion memorable). open.substack.com/pub/arianesh...
As long as this man doesn’t personally bite me on the backside, it’s all good
December 2, 2025 at 7:41 AM
As long as this man doesn’t personally bite me on the backside, it’s all good
I’ve had more dates than Nigel Farage has said racist things, though most of them didn’t result in any sexual activity. (Some of Nige’s diatribes probably did though, with awful women. Ewww.) So here are my four funniest dating experiences. arianesherine.substack.com/p/four-unbel...
Four unbelievable but true dating stories
If you need a laugh, or want a cry, read on
arianesherine.substack.com
December 1, 2025 at 4:22 PM
I’ve had more dates than Nigel Farage has said racist things, though most of them didn’t result in any sexual activity. (Some of Nige’s diatribes probably did though, with awful women. Ewww.) So here are my four funniest dating experiences. arianesherine.substack.com/p/four-unbel...
‘Complicity’? In what, a writer thriving and living her best life? Sharing the raw, human and true details of my life behind a paywall may not be to everyone’s tastes, but it’s not hurting anyone. And one anonymous poster does not constitute a majority, so your maths is off.
December 1, 2025 at 2:06 PM
‘Complicity’? In what, a writer thriving and living her best life? Sharing the raw, human and true details of my life behind a paywall may not be to everyone’s tastes, but it’s not hurting anyone. And one anonymous poster does not constitute a majority, so your maths is off.
How ironic, because I’ve decided to see comments from trolls like you as material
December 1, 2025 at 12:48 PM
How ironic, because I’ve decided to see comments from trolls like you as material
It's my poor confused friends I feel sorry for.
Me: He's a bastard!
Friend: Yes, he's a total bastard, you're better off out of it!
Me: Actually I love him and we're back together!
Friend: ...
Me: He's a bastard!
Friend: Yes, he's a total bastard, you're better off out of it!
Me: Actually I love him and we're back together!
Friend: ...
December 1, 2025 at 12:18 PM
It's my poor confused friends I feel sorry for.
Me: He's a bastard!
Friend: Yes, he's a total bastard, you're better off out of it!
Me: Actually I love him and we're back together!
Friend: ...
Me: He's a bastard!
Friend: Yes, he's a total bastard, you're better off out of it!
Me: Actually I love him and we're back together!
Friend: ...
Er… his salary? I’m 99.9% sure he didn’t nick it!
December 1, 2025 at 10:54 AM
Er… his salary? I’m 99.9% sure he didn’t nick it!
Wow! My boyfriend just gifted me the £275 Liberty beauty advent calendar, as a promise never to restrict my liberty again. So happy. ❤️
December 1, 2025 at 9:01 AM
Wow! My boyfriend just gifted me the £275 Liberty beauty advent calendar, as a promise never to restrict my liberty again. So happy. ❤️
Enjoying starting the week with a dildo and some kink
December 1, 2025 at 8:32 AM
Enjoying starting the week with a dildo and some kink
‘No one counts BMI anymore’. The NHS does! But okay: my waist is currently 75cm and my height is 160cm, so I win, give me ALL the medals!
December 1, 2025 at 8:07 AM
‘No one counts BMI anymore’. The NHS does! But okay: my waist is currently 75cm and my height is 160cm, so I win, give me ALL the medals!
When was the last time a man was asked if he was being 'classy' by a woman? Women don't go up to men with their shirts off in summer and ask them if they think it's an elegant or decorous way to dress, and we'd rightly get short shrift if we did. But some men think it's OK to police women this way.
November 30, 2025 at 2:19 PM
When was the last time a man was asked if he was being 'classy' by a woman? Women don't go up to men with their shirts off in summer and ask them if they think it's an elegant or decorous way to dress, and we'd rightly get short shrift if we did. But some men think it's OK to police women this way.
"Feminism is about choice, and if I choose to showcase my body in undercrackers, that’s my decision, so fuck the prudes. There’s literally nothing wrong with it." open.substack.com/pub/arianesh...
November 30, 2025 at 10:12 AM
"Feminism is about choice, and if I choose to showcase my body in undercrackers, that’s my decision, so fuck the prudes. There’s literally nothing wrong with it." open.substack.com/pub/arianesh...
Uh-oh, someone let the ice cream packaging guy loose in the hair dye marketing meeting
November 30, 2025 at 9:07 AM
Uh-oh, someone let the ice cream packaging guy loose in the hair dye marketing meeting
Genuinely can’t believe this is still a thing. I thought I’d made it up in my head
November 30, 2025 at 8:05 AM
Genuinely can’t believe this is still a thing. I thought I’d made it up in my head
Elderly lady: You’re a lovely colour. A lot of people go on holiday to get your colour!
Me: *wonders if she thinks all Asian people have just been on holiday*
Me: *wonders if she thinks all Asian people have just been on holiday*
November 29, 2025 at 9:14 PM
Elderly lady: You’re a lovely colour. A lot of people go on holiday to get your colour!
Me: *wonders if she thinks all Asian people have just been on holiday*
Me: *wonders if she thinks all Asian people have just been on holiday*
I should add that this is the healthy BMI for a white person. The healthy BMI for a brown person is 23. But I’m half and half so who knows which gene expressed? So I’m taking it!
Bluesky’s gonna censor me again, but this is an EXCITING WEIGHT LOSS MILESTONE! Yes, I need to drop another 10 kilos to get rid of the belly and double chin, and yes, I should probably avail of a razor and hairbrush. But AFTER 7 YEARS OF DIETING I AM OFFICIALLY HEALTHY ACCORDING TO THE NHS! WAHOOOO!
November 29, 2025 at 4:12 PM
I should add that this is the healthy BMI for a white person. The healthy BMI for a brown person is 23. But I’m half and half so who knows which gene expressed? So I’m taking it!
Am on train. A man just stopped me: ‘Lady, lady, lady - this train East Ham, yes?’
Proof that I am once, twice, three times a lady.
Proof that I am once, twice, three times a lady.
November 29, 2025 at 2:20 PM
Am on train. A man just stopped me: ‘Lady, lady, lady - this train East Ham, yes?’
Proof that I am once, twice, three times a lady.
Proof that I am once, twice, three times a lady.
Bluesky’s gonna censor me again, but this is an EXCITING WEIGHT LOSS MILESTONE! Yes, I need to drop another 10 kilos to get rid of the belly and double chin, and yes, I should probably avail of a razor and hairbrush. But AFTER 7 YEARS OF DIETING I AM OFFICIALLY HEALTHY ACCORDING TO THE NHS! WAHOOOO!
November 29, 2025 at 10:47 AM
Bluesky’s gonna censor me again, but this is an EXCITING WEIGHT LOSS MILESTONE! Yes, I need to drop another 10 kilos to get rid of the belly and double chin, and yes, I should probably avail of a razor and hairbrush. But AFTER 7 YEARS OF DIETING I AM OFFICIALLY HEALTHY ACCORDING TO THE NHS! WAHOOOO!
Today's Substack: "I’m a bit sad because some cruel woman on the internet said I was demeaning myself and everyone who loves me by writing this blog. So I told her to go fuck herself if she could find a dildo big enough. I am nothing if not a classy bird." arianesherine.substack.com/p/focusing-o...
November 29, 2025 at 10:08 AM
Today's Substack: "I’m a bit sad because some cruel woman on the internet said I was demeaning myself and everyone who loves me by writing this blog. So I told her to go fuck herself if she could find a dildo big enough. I am nothing if not a classy bird." arianesherine.substack.com/p/focusing-o...
Thinking of buying a black or red PVC bodysuit for my music videos. I am highly amused by the Amazon listing: 'Season: Spring, Autumn, Summer and... er... the one we've forgotten!'
November 29, 2025 at 8:10 AM
Thinking of buying a black or red PVC bodysuit for my music videos. I am highly amused by the Amazon listing: 'Season: Spring, Autumn, Summer and... er... the one we've forgotten!'
I remember some guy in Edinburgh telling me that Luther Vandross had offered him £300 in the mid-80s to sleep with him.
I said, 'That's actually an insult, because Luther insisted that the best things in life are free!'
I said, 'That's actually an insult, because Luther insisted that the best things in life are free!'
November 28, 2025 at 6:46 PM
I remember some guy in Edinburgh telling me that Luther Vandross had offered him £300 in the mid-80s to sleep with him.
I said, 'That's actually an insult, because Luther insisted that the best things in life are free!'
I said, 'That's actually an insult, because Luther insisted that the best things in life are free!'
Not only am I number 69 - fnarr - but my subscribers are currently the Number of the Beast! Sex and atheism, two of the best things in life.
November 28, 2025 at 12:23 PM
Not only am I number 69 - fnarr - but my subscribers are currently the Number of the Beast! Sex and atheism, two of the best things in life.
"There will always be problems. In my last relationship, the guy never came inside me, which made me worry I had a fanny like a bucket." arianesherine.substack.com/p/there-will...
There will always be problems
Yes, even if I left and took up with someone else. The problems would just be different
arianesherine.substack.com
November 28, 2025 at 9:55 AM
"There will always be problems. In my last relationship, the guy never came inside me, which made me worry I had a fanny like a bucket." arianesherine.substack.com/p/there-will...
Mum: What do you want for Christmas?
Me: You could buy me this book by Neil deGrasse Tyson
Mum: Who? You’ll have to text it to me
Me: I’ve just sent you the Amazon link
Mum (sounding very disapproving): I shall buy it from Waterstones!
Me: You could buy me this book by Neil deGrasse Tyson
Mum: Who? You’ll have to text it to me
Me: I’ve just sent you the Amazon link
Mum (sounding very disapproving): I shall buy it from Waterstones!
November 28, 2025 at 7:25 AM
Mum: What do you want for Christmas?
Me: You could buy me this book by Neil deGrasse Tyson
Mum: Who? You’ll have to text it to me
Me: I’ve just sent you the Amazon link
Mum (sounding very disapproving): I shall buy it from Waterstones!
Me: You could buy me this book by Neil deGrasse Tyson
Mum: Who? You’ll have to text it to me
Me: I’ve just sent you the Amazon link
Mum (sounding very disapproving): I shall buy it from Waterstones!