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Asexual Activities

@asexualactivities.com

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · Nov 21

As I've mentioned before, I'm working on a sex ed book. I'm planning to ask questions to gather a wide variety of perspectives. Some of these questions might seem a bit basic or obvious or strange, but please answer them anyway if you feel comfortable. The more responses I get, the better!

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Ace Archive @asexualityarchive.com · 6d

It's Ace Week!

a person holding a purple and black flag in a grassy field

Alt: a person holding a ginormous ace flag in a grassy field

media.tenor.com

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · 8d

I'm willing to answer questions people have about asexuality!

Oh Joy Sex Toy @ohjoysextoy.bsky.social · 8d

What better way to celebrate Asexual Awareness Week than by spillin' the asexualiTEA with @sparklemaia.bsky.social! 1/2
www.ohjoysextoy.com/ace-101-spar...

Ace 101 by sparklemaia, published November 12, 2023 on https://www.ohjoysextoy.com/ace-101-sparklemaia

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Two figures sit in a lavender living room that's very comfy and has lots of cats around. They are drinking tea.

Maia: -and that's why I can't go back like, ever again.

Friend: Completely fair. Speaking of fair: how was the maker faire?

Maia: Rad! That's where I got this sweet hat!

IMAGE: Close-up on Maia's black baseball hat, which has the black, gray, white, and purple-striped Asexuality flag on it.

IMAGE: Friend holding tea mug and talking.

Friend: It's... a pride flag... it's on the tip of my brain- Oh! The asexual flag!

Friend: You posted about being ace in April! Full disclosure: I googled it, but I'm still pretty vague on what asexuality is... I think it's the "A" in LGBTQIA? But I still have, like, so many questions.

Maia: I'd love to be your ace wiki for the day, if you're down?

Friend: Ohh, yes please!

Maia: Great, this is my jam. Let's spill the tea on asexuali-TEA!

Maia: So, what would you say attraction feels like?

Friend: Hmm... I guess it's like a strong pull towards someone?

IMAGE: The friend leans forward to stroke a gray-striped cat that hopped on their table and is walking towards them.

Maia: Totally! But it took some super personal chats with my all- (non-ace) -friends to realize we meant different things when we talked about being into someone. It turns out that attraction- that pull- is made up of different parts.

IMAGE: Another table houses multiple bowls of looseleaf teas, with a sign proclaiming, "Build your own!". Each bowl is labeled differently: Sensual, Romantic, Sexual, Aesthetic

Maia: I've got romantic attraction in spades. It's just that for me, that romantic attraction isn't linked to sexual attraction.

Friend: So, when you feel drawn toward someone, you just don't... have the desire to bone them?

Maia: Pretty much! And that's what asexual means: little to no sexual attraction.

Friend: Hold up... a 'little' bit of sexual attraction still counts as ace?

Maia: Yeah, it's not always an all-or-nothing thing. Some people experience sexual attraction rarely, or only under certain circumstances, or just at very low levels. It's kind of a spectrum.

Friend: I guess that tracks, very few things in life are totally black and white!

Maia (gesturing at the black, gray, white, purple-striped Asexual flag): Exactly. That's what the grey is for. Anyone who feels like they don't totally vibe with a 'typical' allo experience is welcome, even if they're in that grey zone between allo and 'absolute zero' sexual attraction.

Friend: Sounds like there's lots of SPACE- in ACE!

IMAGE: Maia plants the Ace flag on the moon, waving at a rocket (also emblazoned with the ace flag) as it cruises by.

Maia: Haha, yep! My ace experience might not be the same as someone else's, but the label gives us a starting place for finding common ground.

IMAGE: Back in the tea house, the friend observes two cats curled up on a shelf on the wall.

Friend: Something I still don't get: you've talked about crushes and dates and stuff before. Are your dates just Netflix and actual chill?

Maia: Haha, sometimes! But other times I do take it to the bone zone. For me, sex is often about emotional intimacy with my partner. Heck, sometimes I just need to scratch a biological itch, even if my body isn't pointing me towards a specific person to get it done. Plus, for me, it feels good!

Friend: Whoa, you actually... like sex?

Maia: Yeah, there's even a word for it in ace space: sex-favorable. And whether sex favorable, sex-indifferent, or sex-repulsed, all aces are still ace.

IMAGE: Three cats illustrate the different states of asexual sexual interest.
Sex-Favorable cat smiles and approaches a hand to be pet.
Sex-Indifferent cat sits by itself, licking its paw.
Sex-Repulsed cat is all puffed up and hissing.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · Aug 2

Also, yesterday was apparently National Orgasm Day, so here's a reminder for those who could use it: Asexual people are allowed to have and enjoy orgasms.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · Aug 2

New high score! I have not had sex for 8280 days, beating my previous record of 8279 days, set during the Bush administration!

Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · Jun 24

After Pride Month settles, maybe I'll be able to get back to working on that book...

Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

No questions are too basic and no questions are too embarrassing! I can assure you, if you have a question, someone else reading probably has the same one.

ngl.link/asexualactiv...

Anonymous messages!

ngl.link

Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

This concludes the week of misconception busting. I hope you found it interesting and informative. And once again, the anonymous question thingy is open, so if you have any questions on this topic, please feel free to ask them!

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

And a lot of people, maybe even most people, had to go through this stage before they got to the point where they enjoyed it. I certainly did, but I can also say that, for me, it was worth all that time and effort I spent trying to figure it out.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

But the other point I want to make clear here is that a little difficulty at the beginning is to be expected. So don't be discouraged! There's no magic button labeled "Press here for pleasure". It can take work and a bit of dedication and maybe even some outside help to get anywhere with it.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

The point I'm trying to make is that masturbation is a much more complicated and individual process than most people make it out to be. It doesn't fit into quick, easy, one-size-fits-all tidbits. And it can be harder to get into for asexual people or people whose bodies don't want to cooperate.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

And it helps to have knowledge of what sorts of things tend to work. Going in with just your hands and imagination will probably just lead to you laying on the bed, wondering, "What exactly am I supposed to be doing with all this?"

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

Beyond that, there are requirements that aren't even mentioned above. You need an environment where you feel comfortable enough to masturbate. You need time and focus. You need to be able to get and stay aroused.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

Penis owners often find bare handed stroking to be uncomfortable, especially if they've been circumcised. They'll often use lubricant of some kind, such as lotion or even saliva, so the hand will slide, instead of drag. Clitoral stimulation may benefit from a little lubricant, too.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

As far as hands go, many people can't get off with their hands alone. Fingers often aren't enough for adequate clitoral stimulation. Instead, people often turn to tools such as vibrators, shower heads, or techniques such as pillow grinding.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

First, on the imagination point, like I talked about recently, not everyone is able to fantasize. It just doesn't work for everyone. It may even make things worse!

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 18

Some people will try to tell you that all you need to masturbate are your hands and your imagination. That is missing so many things, where to begin...?
#masturbationmonth

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

These are just some of the reasons it doesn't feel good or isn't enjoyable for some people, but there are countless more.
If you have one I didn't mention, please feel free to share!

Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

Finally, simply put, some people just don't enjoy masturbating. They've given it a fair shake and have decided they're not into it. A lot of asexuals fall in this bucket, but this isn't exclusively an asexual thing.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

And some people just haven't figured out what works for them yet. Despite the rumors and legends, simply touching your genitals doesn't necessarily feel good. It takes a particular kind of stimulation to get anywhere. Without that, the whole process can be numb or uncomfortable.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

Also, if someone is averse or grossed out by some part of the process, that could shut things off. Likewise, if someone just doesn't want to, but tries to power through anyway, it might not feel that great.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

Beyond physical conditions like those, there are a number of emotional reasons why masturbating might not feel good. If someone feels that they shouldn't be doing it, that could have a negative impact on what they feel.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

Then there are conditions which can cause orgasms to be painful, or cause a person to feel ill, get a headache, or pass out after an orgasm. Even arousal itself can be painful or uncomfortable for some people.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

Anorgasmia or sexual anhedonia are conditions that can mean a person may get little or no pleasure from sexual stimulation, might have difficulty reaching orgasm or might be unable to reach it at all, or may not feel anything during an orgasm.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

So, to get this out of the way, yes, masturbating and orgasms do feel good for most people, and that's the main reason people do it. But that "for most people" is important. It doesn't feel good for everyone.

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Asexual Activities @asexualactivities.com · May 16

Masturbating feels good!
Orgasms feel good!
Everyone does it because it feels good!
And you should do it because it feels good!
You hear this all the time. It's not entirely true.

#masturbationmonth #masturbation #orgasms #asexual #asexuality

A white card with purple text that reads "It feels good for everyone!". The text is crossed out with a red X.

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