The exercise of making these lists puts everyone on equal footing and forces them to have a conversation that most people aren't having. Maybe that conversation will lead to finding something that works for everyone. Or maybe that conversation will make them realize they're incompatible.

In my asexual sex ed book, I plan to focus specifically on negotiation and what compromise really means: What do you want, what's a hard no, and where is there some wiggle room? I'm going to push Want/Will/Won't or Yes/No/Maybe lists as an important communication tool.

There's always tradeoffs and boundary setting. And when those aren't respected, it's clearly seen as coercion and toxicity.
But when there's asexuality involved, that all goes out the window. Disregarding boundaries is dismissed: ~It's not fair to your partner! What about ThEiR NeEdS?~

All sex for everyone, ace or not, is made up of dozens of compromises. Non-ace people do this all the time and don't even think about it. No relationship is ever going to be in such perfect sync where everyone involved wants exactly the same things in exactly the same way all the time.

So often, when I see people talking about asexuals having sex, they'll use the word "compromise", when what they mean is "capitulate". That there's no acceptable outcome other than the ace giving in and going along with everything their partner wants.
Which is completely ridiculous.

You ever seen Dr. Strangelove? These people think it's a documentary.

Unfortunately, no. It's weird manosphere bullshit born on the dark corners of Reddit, where porn is an evil conspiracy designed to make people masturbate, which in turn makes them less manly because whenever semen leaves your body it takes all your testosterone and manly essences or something.

This asexual, for one, plans to honor this month with at least two orgasms a day because why not? And I encourage you all to have as many or as few as you wish and not give a fuck what those fascists are doing.

No questions are too basic and no questions are too embarrassing! I can assure you, if you have a question, someone else reading probably has the same one.

ngl.link/asexualactiv...

This concludes the week of misconception busting. I hope you found it interesting and informative. And once again, the anonymous question thingy is open, so if you have any questions on this topic, please feel free to ask them!

And a lot of people, maybe even most people, had to go through this stage before they got to the point where they enjoyed it. I certainly did, but I can also say that, for me, it was worth all that time and effort I spent trying to figure it out.

But the other point I want to make clear here is that a little difficulty at the beginning is to be expected. So don't be discouraged! There's no magic button labeled "Press here for pleasure". It can take work and a bit of dedication and maybe even some outside help to get anywhere with it.

The point I'm trying to make is that masturbation is a much more complicated and individual process than most people make it out to be. It doesn't fit into quick, easy, one-size-fits-all tidbits. And it can be harder to get into for asexual people or people whose bodies don't want to cooperate.

And it helps to have knowledge of what sorts of things tend to work. Going in with just your hands and imagination will probably just lead to you laying on the bed, wondering, "What exactly am I supposed to be doing with all this?"

Beyond that, there are requirements that aren't even mentioned above. You need an environment where you feel comfortable enough to masturbate. You need time and focus. You need to be able to get and stay aroused.

Penis owners often find bare handed stroking to be uncomfortable, especially if they've been circumcised. They'll often use lubricant of some kind, such as lotion or even saliva, so the hand will slide, instead of drag. Clitoral stimulation may benefit from a little lubricant, too.

As far as hands go, many people can't get off with their hands alone. Fingers often aren't enough for adequate clitoral stimulation. Instead, people often turn to tools such as vibrators, shower heads, or techniques such as pillow grinding.