Author | Lightnews

AvantGardea

@avantgardea.bsky.social

110 followers 180 following 1.9K posts

Herder of words, herder of cats, and tent show queen extraordinaire.

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Not one single shan't in the movie. *falls away to my fainting couch* #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

The weight of his eyebrows finally toppled him over. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

It's the wind resistance caused by his eyebrows slowing him down. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

They danced around the village bounds and drove down property values. Lo, it did sucketh most deeply. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Food comes from boxes? So the whole village eats Hamburger Helper night after night? #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

So the denizens of Plath know not the sacred personal space zone. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Dammit, I forgot they were fumigating the countryside this weekend. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Mine works better with pure interpretive dance. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Not since the stripper dance in Hobgoblins has there been such raw sexuality presented on the silver screen. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

She's singing her CV? #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Whoa. That's some fast-actin vampirism. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Staked by the B Squad. How ignominious. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

They need to lose the light classical strings so Donald can belt out I Want You (She's So Heavy) as God intended. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Donald's dog collar looks weird. Needs more studs or something. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Beware of men carrying violin cases? That only happens when the Devil goes down to Georgia. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

This schmuck looks like the last segment's schmuck. Diversify, monsters. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

He really should just bite the microphone, just to settle any doubts. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Ew, her juices aren't running clear. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Wonder what happens if he's whistlin' Dixie. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

This isn't gonna morph into Eyes Wide Shut, is it? #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Marble ass! Don't wolf whistle at it. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

You must never whistle, but you did for poor kitty, you doofus. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Dude needs to catch up on his sleep. Those bags under his eyes are almost Carradinian. #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

Yeah, but where will the abomination of your love fit on Vinnie's chart? #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub

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AvantGardea @avantgardea.bsky.social · 1d

He burnt his kitty cookie. :( #TheMonsterClub #FrightClub