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Do not share this with Kristi Noem
Warning: This Post Contains Adorable Puppies
Do not share this with Kristi Noem.
open.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 2:42 PM
Do not share this with Kristi Noem
Mark Kelly vs Pete Hegseth: Astronaut vs Space Cadet
November 25, 2025 at 1:20 AM
Mark Kelly vs Pete Hegseth: Astronaut vs Space Cadet
“Indictmenting is hard,” Lindsey Halligan said.
November 24, 2025 at 6:38 PM
“Indictmenting is hard,” Lindsey Halligan said.
Facebook clears things up
November 24, 2025 at 12:04 PM
Facebook clears things up
Rubio Admits Difficulties in Translating US Peace Plan from the Original Russian
November 23, 2025 at 5:04 PM
Rubio Admits Difficulties in Translating US Peace Plan from the Original Russian
Of all the heinous things Donald Trump has done, by far the most unforgivable is making me agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene.
Who Will Replace MTG in Trump's Clown Car?
TBR Sunday Read
www.borowitzreport.com
November 22, 2025 at 1:18 PM
Of all the heinous things Donald Trump has done, by far the most unforgivable is making me agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene.
NYC Mayor-elect Mamdani has a meeting at the White House tomorrow. I think it’s admirable that the most powerful politician in America is willing to meet with Trump.
November 21, 2025 at 2:45 AM
NYC Mayor-elect Mamdani has a meeting at the White House tomorrow. I think it’s admirable that the most powerful politician in America is willing to meet with Trump.
We don’t need to wait for the Epstein files—we just need to listen to the survivors and believe them. #BelieveWomen
She Says Trump Raped Her When She Was a Child
The Andy Borowitz Show
open.substack.com
November 21, 2025 at 1:53 AM
We don’t need to wait for the Epstein files—we just need to listen to the survivors and believe them. #BelieveWomen
Trump Sentences Seditious Democrats to an Hour Listening to Stephen Miller Talk
November 21, 2025 at 1:13 AM
Trump Sentences Seditious Democrats to an Hour Listening to Stephen Miller Talk
Q: How can you tell you’re a horrible vice president?
A: When you make people nostalgic for Dick Cheney
A: When you make people nostalgic for Dick Cheney
November 20, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Q: How can you tell you’re a horrible vice president?
A: When you make people nostalgic for Dick Cheney
A: When you make people nostalgic for Dick Cheney
Question about sedition: does disobeying military orders include getting a podiatrist to write a fake note about bone spurs to help you avoid the draft? If so, someone might be facing execution
November 20, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Question about sedition: does disobeying military orders include getting a podiatrist to write a fake note about bone spurs to help you avoid the draft? If so, someone might be facing execution
National Guard member Dylan Blaha refused to be deployed against the American people. He reminds those in the military that they have the right to disobey illegal orders.
November 20, 2025 at 7:46 PM
National Guard member Dylan Blaha refused to be deployed against the American people. He reminds those in the military that they have the right to disobey illegal orders.
“My funeral will draw MILLIONS!” he claimed.
Trump Boasts That His Funeral Will Have Much Bigger Turnout Than Cheney’s
"My funeral will draw MILLIONS!" he claimed.
www.borowitzreport.com
November 20, 2025 at 4:51 PM
“My funeral will draw MILLIONS!” he claimed.
“Ever since I was a little kid I’ve always dreamed of being a lawyer.”
Lindsey Halligan Reveals Her Dream is to Someday Go to Law School
“Ever since I was a little kid I’ve always dreamed of being a lawyer.”
www.borowitzreport.com
November 19, 2025 at 9:56 PM
“Ever since I was a little kid I’ve always dreamed of being a lawyer.”
Congratulations, Donald Trump—you finally had a landslide!
November 18, 2025 at 9:31 PM
Congratulations, Donald Trump—you finally had a landslide!
When someone says, “Quiet, piggy,” the appropriate response is, “Shut up, child rapist.” #ettiquette
November 18, 2025 at 8:53 PM
When someone says, “Quiet, piggy,” the appropriate response is, “Shut up, child rapist.” #ettiquette
If you’re claiming that your misogynist behavior is a Democrat hoax, probably not a good idea to call a woman “piggy”
November 18, 2025 at 8:45 PM
If you’re claiming that your misogynist behavior is a Democrat hoax, probably not a good idea to call a woman “piggy”
As the House prepares to unanimously rebuke Trump over the Epstein files, i hope that the law firms, media companies, and universities who bent their knee to this criminal feel like idiots. But it doesn’t really matter how they feel. History will remember them as accomplices.
November 18, 2025 at 3:21 AM
As the House prepares to unanimously rebuke Trump over the Epstein files, i hope that the law firms, media companies, and universities who bent their knee to this criminal feel like idiots. But it doesn’t really matter how they feel. History will remember them as accomplices.
A woman using the pseudonym Katie Johnson has alleged that she was trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein and raped by Donald Trump when she was thirteen. Despite the extremely detailed and credible nature of her account, the corporate media have largely ignored it.
She Says Trump Raped Her When She Was a Child
The Andy Borowitz Show
www.borowitzreport.com
November 18, 2025 at 2:50 AM
A woman using the pseudonym Katie Johnson has alleged that she was trafficked by Jeffrey Epstein and raped by Donald Trump when she was thirteen. Despite the extremely detailed and credible nature of her account, the corporate media have largely ignored it.
Several members of the Trump administration sent Hegseth their thoughts and prayers, while JD Vance offered him a makeup tutorial.
Hegseth Rushed to Walter Reed Hospital After Poking Eye With Mascara Brush
Karoline Leavitt denied that alcohol played “any role” in the cosmetics mishap.
www.borowitzreport.com
November 17, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Several members of the Trump administration sent Hegseth their thoughts and prayers, while JD Vance offered him a makeup tutorial.
Marjorie Taylor Greene calling for an end to toxic fighting in politics is like Elon calling for a ban on ketamine
November 16, 2025 at 9:40 PM
Marjorie Taylor Greene calling for an end to toxic fighting in politics is like Elon calling for a ban on ketamine
Of all the heinous things Donald Trump has done, by far the most unforgivable is making me agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene
November 15, 2025 at 5:47 PM
Of all the heinous things Donald Trump has done, by far the most unforgivable is making me agree with Marjorie Taylor Greene
Trump Counting on his Supporters Being Incapable of Reading Epstein Files
November 15, 2025 at 1:22 AM
Trump Counting on his Supporters Being Incapable of Reading Epstein Files
Trump is under the mistaken impression that the Epstein scandal is about Democrats vs Republicans. Actually, it’s about pedophiles vs people who want pedophiles to spend the rest of their lives in prison
November 14, 2025 at 11:28 PM
Trump is under the mistaken impression that the Epstein scandal is about Democrats vs Republicans. Actually, it’s about pedophiles vs people who want pedophiles to spend the rest of their lives in prison
Trump has directed the DOJ to investigate Democrats with ties to Epstein, not realizing that by doing so he could wind up with a cellmate who hates his politics
November 14, 2025 at 8:32 PM
Trump has directed the DOJ to investigate Democrats with ties to Epstein, not realizing that by doing so he could wind up with a cellmate who hates his politics