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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report
@borowitzreport.bsky.social
75K followers 6 following 960 posts
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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2h
correct
borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2h
Honestly, Trump had a better chance of winning Miss Teen USA
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3h
“If you want to win the Nobel Peace Prize, you’ve got to fight like hell.”
Trump Rallies Angry Supporters Outside Nobel HQ in Oslo
“If you want to win the Nobel Peace Prize, you’ve got to fight like hell.”
www.borowitzreport.com
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 19h
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1d
OSLO—The Nobel Peace Prize Committee has recognized Donald Trump with a laser printed “certificate of participation.”

“Deciding who will win the Peace Prize is an exhausting and stressful process,” the committee stated. “Donald Trump’s entry gave us many hours of welcome laughter.”
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1d
I did not make this up: Trump bragged that he should win the Nobel Peace Prize because he ended a war in "The Republic of Condo." I was not aware that this country existed, but to honor it I am posting this flag. #LongLiveCondo
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 1d
“Indictmenting is hard,” Lindsey Halligan said.
Comey’s Charges Dismissed After Trump’s Handpicked Prosecutor Misspells his Name as “Homey”
“Indictmenting is hard," Lindsey Halligan said.
www.borowitzreport.com
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d
unfair to witches, obvi
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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d
Thank God the people working for Trump are evil morons and not evil geniuses
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d
Agree?
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d
With Kimmel and Colbert under attack, it’s comforting to know that we still have a great comedian like Pam Bondi on TV
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 2d
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d
Though the committee did not bestow its prize on Trump, it did recognize him with a laser printed “certificate of participation.”
Trump Explodes with Rage after Gavin Newsom Wins Nobel Peace Prize
The committee recognized Trump with a "certificate of participation."
www.borowitzreport.com
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d
Iffy
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 3d
Someone needs to tell John Roberts that being the last Chief Justice to serve in an American democracy won’t look good on his Wikipedia page
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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
Farewell, CBS News
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
Elon Loses Again!
When the world’s most admired woman gets attacked by the world’s least interesting man, it’s no contest.
www.borowitzreport.com
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
Dr. Jane Goodall's wish list
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
I like
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
Band names include the Kristi Nomads and Hegadeth.
Federal Troops Arrive in Portland and Immediately Form Bands
Military personnel were seen trading in automatic weapons for mandolins and zithers.
www.borowitzreport.com
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
Pretty sure you can't win the Nobel Peace Prize if you make California invade Oregon
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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
“Total obliteration” is the kind of talk the Nobel Peace Prize judges really dig
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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 4d
Afterwards, he set the record for most people doing Jell-O shots at same time
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borowitzreport.bsky.social
The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 5d
If ICE agents want to stop being compared to Nazis and the Gestapo, here are some tips for them:
1) Take off your masks
2) Identify yourselves
3) Stop disappearing innocent people off the street
4) Avoid shooting women, like you did today, you fucking Gestapo Nazis
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The Borowitz Report @borowitzreport.bsky.social · 5d
The Nobel committee should definitely consider fucking with Trump by giving the Peace Prize to Gavin Newsom
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