Cally Beaton
@callybeaton.bsky.social
⭐️ 2026 TOUR ⭐️ + BESTSELLING BOOK ‘Namaste Motherf*ckers’ OUT NOW! 🙏🏻 At 45, Joan Rivers told me to get into stand-up. So I did. She was 81 • Live at the Apollo • QI •
Pinned
2026 TOUR dates! New shows added, extra tickets released & autumn dates coming soon. I’m so thrilled at how many of you are buying tickets. Thank you! All shows include meet & greet/book signings. From Inverness to Falmouth and one hell of a lot of places in between. Join me?
callybeaton.com/live/
callybeaton.com/live/
Good news! My Sunday Times Top 10 Bestselling (shut up, Cally) book is coming out in paperback in a few weeks & the good people of Waterstones have included it in their 25% off pre-order promotion! Just enter code ‘FEB26’ at the checkout & you’ll get it for under a tenner! Offer valid ‘til 20 Feb.
February 17, 2026 at 5:09 PM
Good news! My Sunday Times Top 10 Bestselling (shut up, Cally) book is coming out in paperback in a few weeks & the good people of Waterstones have included it in their 25% off pre-order promotion! Just enter code ‘FEB26’ at the checkout & you’ll get it for under a tenner! Offer valid ‘til 20 Feb.
Oh doleful Jeff.
February 16, 2026 at 11:00 PM
Oh doleful Jeff.
Looked outside this morning and thought there’d been a clerical error with the universe. Heard a little toddler just now ask her mum: ‘What’s that?’. It was a shadow.
February 16, 2026 at 12:42 PM
Looked outside this morning and thought there’d been a clerical error with the universe. Heard a little toddler just now ask her mum: ‘What’s that?’. It was a shadow.
Lot of driving coming up. Podcast/audiobook recommendations, please!
February 15, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Lot of driving coming up. Podcast/audiobook recommendations, please!
Feminism is not the problem here. In the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: ‘We Should All Be Feminists’ - now more than ever.
February 15, 2026 at 1:18 PM
Feminism is not the problem here. In the words of Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: ‘We Should All Be Feminists’ - now more than ever.
He has had 3 Valentine propositions this season. No longer in possession of his accoutrements he cannot oblige. I meanwhile have none, just acres of lovely messages from family, followers & friends. Happy Valentine’s Day, to anyone & everyone living life outside traditional coupledom. Love from us 🐾
February 14, 2026 at 1:43 PM
He has had 3 Valentine propositions this season. No longer in possession of his accoutrements he cannot oblige. I meanwhile have none, just acres of lovely messages from family, followers & friends. Happy Valentine’s Day, to anyone & everyone living life outside traditional coupledom. Love from us 🐾
Last tickets left for Birmingham tonight. Grab ‘em if you fancy it!
www.birmingham-rep.co.uk/whats-on/cal...
www.birmingham-rep.co.uk/whats-on/cal...
February 13, 2026 at 12:15 PM
Last tickets left for Birmingham tonight. Grab ‘em if you fancy it!
www.birmingham-rep.co.uk/whats-on/cal...
www.birmingham-rep.co.uk/whats-on/cal...
Took a tweed dress complete with shoulder cape that I’d bought right after Traitors finished back to shop today. She asked the reason for return. I said: ‘I got it home and realised I’m not Claudia Winkelman. Big mistake’. She wrote on the return paperwork: ‘Not Claudia Winkelman. Big mistake.’
February 12, 2026 at 5:32 PM
Took a tweed dress complete with shoulder cape that I’d bought right after Traitors finished back to shop today. She asked the reason for return. I said: ‘I got it home and realised I’m not Claudia Winkelman. Big mistake’. She wrote on the return paperwork: ‘Not Claudia Winkelman. Big mistake.’
Been a long time since I woke up like this.
February 12, 2026 at 9:44 AM
Been a long time since I woke up like this.
When he rests in his walking position, it’s my favourite.
February 11, 2026 at 10:30 PM
When he rests in his walking position, it’s my favourite.
🚨 Jeff and I have AN ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
February 11, 2026 at 5:56 PM
🚨 Jeff and I have AN ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨
If you’d told me there’d be a day I’d pay not to come to the US, I wouldn’t have believed you. From my first job interview for MTV on Times Square in the early 90s I knew it was the place for me. l spent a couple of happy decades largely over there. Both my kids are MTV babies. But that day is now.
February 10, 2026 at 6:27 PM
If you’d told me there’d be a day I’d pay not to come to the US, I wouldn’t have believed you. From my first job interview for MTV on Times Square in the early 90s I knew it was the place for me. l spent a couple of happy decades largely over there. Both my kids are MTV babies. But that day is now.
For anyone asking what happens to Jeff when he doesn’t travel with me, here he is having a horrible time at his dogsitter’s house.
February 9, 2026 at 10:50 PM
For anyone asking what happens to Jeff when he doesn’t travel with me, here he is having a horrible time at his dogsitter’s house.
I’m not friends with any sex offenders. That is all.
February 9, 2026 at 1:28 PM
I’m not friends with any sex offenders. That is all.
And…it’s a wrap. Aberdeen > Farsley > Barton-upon-Humber > Newcastle. You were all bleedin’ marv’lus. Next stop Birmingham on Friday 13th. What could possibly go wrong?
February 8, 2026 at 11:40 AM
And…it’s a wrap. Aberdeen > Farsley > Barton-upon-Humber > Newcastle. You were all bleedin’ marv’lus. Next stop Birmingham on Friday 13th. What could possibly go wrong?
When you’re too old to people-please on a crowded train.
February 7, 2026 at 5:53 PM
When you’re too old to people-please on a crowded train.
One of the glorious things about touring is the people who crop up along the way. Beloved friend from MTV back in the day who I haven’t seen in 20 years. Tears were shed and laughs were laughed under the dartboard in the pub by the train station, beneath the shadow of the Humber Bridge. Perfection.
February 7, 2026 at 12:56 PM
One of the glorious things about touring is the people who crop up along the way. Beloved friend from MTV back in the day who I haven’t seen in 20 years. Tears were shed and laughs were laughed under the dartboard in the pub by the train station, beneath the shadow of the Humber Bridge. Perfection.
Unexpected item in the Airbnb bedside cabinet…
February 6, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Unexpected item in the Airbnb bedside cabinet…
Reposted by Cally Beaton
🎤 This Friday we’re at Ropery Hall, Barton-upon-Humber, with the brilliant Cally Beaton! @callybeaton.bsky.social
She’ll be performing Namaste Motherf*ckers, and will be signing copies of her book afterwards ✍️📚
Hope to see you there!
roperyhall.co.uk/2025/04/01/c...
She’ll be performing Namaste Motherf*ckers, and will be signing copies of her book afterwards ✍️📚
Hope to see you there!
roperyhall.co.uk/2025/04/01/c...
February 5, 2026 at 6:24 PM
🎤 This Friday we’re at Ropery Hall, Barton-upon-Humber, with the brilliant Cally Beaton! @callybeaton.bsky.social
She’ll be performing Namaste Motherf*ckers, and will be signing copies of her book afterwards ✍️📚
Hope to see you there!
roperyhall.co.uk/2025/04/01/c...
She’ll be performing Namaste Motherf*ckers, and will be signing copies of her book afterwards ✍️📚
Hope to see you there!
roperyhall.co.uk/2025/04/01/c...
Last time I was in Aberdeen I saw the Northern Lights. This time just plenty of rain - and lots of handsome Scottish men in kilts! Thanks for a brilliant 24 hours. See you in April!
GLASGOW 7 April
EDINBURGH 8 April
ABERDEEN 9 April
INVERNESS 10 April
Tickets: callybeaton.com/live/
🏴 🧡
GLASGOW 7 April
EDINBURGH 8 April
ABERDEEN 9 April
INVERNESS 10 April
Tickets: callybeaton.com/live/
🏴 🧡
February 5, 2026 at 11:08 AM
Last time I was in Aberdeen I saw the Northern Lights. This time just plenty of rain - and lots of handsome Scottish men in kilts! Thanks for a brilliant 24 hours. See you in April!
GLASGOW 7 April
EDINBURGH 8 April
ABERDEEN 9 April
INVERNESS 10 April
Tickets: callybeaton.com/live/
🏴 🧡
GLASGOW 7 April
EDINBURGH 8 April
ABERDEEN 9 April
INVERNESS 10 April
Tickets: callybeaton.com/live/
🏴 🧡
Stop telling women to smile. Here’s why we don’t want to.
February 4, 2026 at 6:05 PM
Stop telling women to smile. Here’s why we don’t want to.
When the kids think you love the dog more than them…
February 3, 2026 at 12:23 PM
When the kids think you love the dog more than them…
Begging to go for a walk in the rain, as always.
February 2, 2026 at 10:33 AM
Begging to go for a walk in the rain, as always.
My dad’s vicar turned up at my show! She is a big part of his life, and she became a big part of the show. She even started an applause break at the one point I use the c-word (for good reason!). God love ‘er. I’m sure he/she does.
February 1, 2026 at 10:46 PM
My dad’s vicar turned up at my show! She is a big part of his life, and she became a big part of the show. She even started an applause break at the one point I use the c-word (for good reason!). God love ‘er. I’m sure he/she does.
Let’s all watch Michelle Obama’s ‘Becoming’ on Netflix this weekend and make it number one. I for one intend to have it on a loop and make it most it watched 🙏🏻 SPREAD THE WORD?!
January 31, 2026 at 2:39 PM
Let’s all watch Michelle Obama’s ‘Becoming’ on Netflix this weekend and make it number one. I for one intend to have it on a loop and make it most it watched 🙏🏻 SPREAD THE WORD?!