Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

The Realistic Caregiver

@caregiverqueen.bsky.social

740 followers 940 following 710 posts

I'm Laura Raymond, a family caregiver advocate & writer. Daily caregiving tips & advice here, plus new articles published each Friday on Substack. Available for personalized care plans & help, too. 💙💙💙 You Got This!

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · Jan 1

There's more than 39 million caregivers working in America, and most of us are struggling. Many of us are unpaid, or paid very little. And any local support you may have is often hard to find.

My goal in 2025 is to help as many of us family caregivers as I can. Please reach out when you need help!

6 13 66

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 7h

“The opposite of play is not work. It’s depression.” Brian Sutton-Smith

#Tip: Something you can do with your loved one during their illness & recovery is find time to play.

When everyone is stressed, worried, or in pain, you need a break from it all.

Sometimes laughter IS the best medicine.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 18h

Talking it out really helps keep the weight off my shoulders. Even if it's just talking to myself! Although talking with someone who really understands is much better.

Raven’s Call : Aging & End of Life guide in Oregon @endoflifecare.bsky.social · 1d

Family caregivers, are you feeling alone in the work you do?

Take a few minutes today to be heard. It can relieve some of the pressure you’re feeling.

From 11am to 1pm today, Pacific Time.

Denise Brown @caregiving.bsky.social · 1d

When it's a bad day, an overwhelming situation, a difficult time, you may wonder: Who would want to hear about this?

We do.

Tell us today: join.caringourway.com/posts/920255...

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 1d

The Caregiver's Golden Rule: You have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you’re no good to anyone else.

It's the most important rule, and therefore the easiest one to break.

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com/p/the-realis...

The Realistic Caregiver's Tips of the Week!

October 1 – 7, 2005 (All About The Golden Rule of Caregiving)

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 1d

Managing chronic pain is a thankless, full-time job.

Fortunately, there's some new advances that give me hope!

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com/p/life-is-pa...

Life Is Painful Enough As It Is

Managing Chronic Pain Shouldn’t Hurt So Much

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 1d

#Caregivers can really struggle with taking time for themselves when their loved one is sick.

#Tip: Remember that your loved one has several medical professionals looking after their well-being at any given moment.

Who do you have watching your back?

1 3

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 1d

Thanks for the giggle! It reminds me of a contest on WKRP. "First prize? You don't have to die! Second prize? A pocket comb."

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 2d

Thank you so much for sharing this! Dignity in death for everyone is a beautiful life's work.

Raven’s Call : Aging & End of Life guide in Oregon @endoflifecare.bsky.social · 2d

End of Life Guides, Midwives, and EOL Doulas, here’s a great resource.

Neurodivergent folks are our clients, too.

Dr Emma Clare @dremmaclare.bsky.social · 4d

I’ve been writing about neurodivergence in end-of-life care and advance planning and hearing from people who want to do better but don’t know where to start.

This work means a lot to me. I’ve gathered it all in one place - my new site is live: www.deathwireddifferently.co.uk

#DeathWiredDifferently

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 2d

#Tip: For the best self-care, ask yourself, "What gives me joy?"

It doesn’t matter what it is. If it makes you happy, then commit to taking time away from #caregiving and just do it. Actively schedule it.

Find your own way to unplug that's separate from caregiving and everything it entails.

1 4

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 3d

If you are a new family caregiver, it's vital to initiate a firm, detailed self-care program in place for yourself at the very beginning and stick to it.

#Tip: Going into #caregiving with the knowledge that you MUST actively care for yourself too can prevent so much stress and grief. For everyone.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 4d

Burnt out family members break the Caregiver Golden Rule.

When your caregiving duties stretch out from weeks to months to years, a lot of us simply give up hope for our own futures.

When your worldview is bleak, finding little ways to care for yourself seems pointless.

#Tip: You still matter.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 5d

Excellent advice! I'm going to try this, thank you!

dementiaaide.bsky.social @dementiaaide.bsky.social · 5d

When I was working 12 hour shifts in skilled nursing every so often I would take 30 seconds and go up on my tiptoes. It definitely works to relieve tired feet

tiptoes.it

1 1

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 5d

The worst offenders of breaking the Caregiver Golden Rule are those of us caring for someone we adore.

When you love someone, #caregiving doesn't seem like "work."

But it still affects your mind, body & spirit, and it catches up to you fast.

#Tip: Even scheduling a 2 minute dance break helps.

1 5

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

The Golden Rule for #caregivers is this: You have to take care of yourself first, otherwise you’re no good to anyone else.

It’s called the Golden Rule because it’s the most important rule, but it’s also the easiest one to break.

#Tip: Sleeping, showering & eating regularly help tremendously!

1 6

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

Amen, sister.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 6d

Thank you so much for sharing this. I had no idea. Alzheimer’s is such a horrible disease as it is; to add more stress to families is morally repugnant.

Queenslanders for End of Life Legal Options @q4eollo.fyi · 6d

An Australian perspective on Dementia 👇

💚🌏Myles🌏💚 @mylesjaybee.bsky.social · 8d

Dementia is now the leading cause of death in Australia, yet families are left waiting months or years for properly staffed residential care. The system recognises the disease as fatal, but still refuses to treat those living with it as a priority!
#auspol

Reposted by The Realistic Caregiver

Chronic Illness Humor @chronicillness.bsky.social · 7d

Source: somanyjacks-writes on Tumblr

somanyjacks-writes on Tumblr

I don't know who needs to hear this, but If the phrase "self care" doesn't resonate with you, try calling it system maintenance" and see If that clicks.

5 20 86

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 7d

Yes!!! One of my all-time favorites, thank you for sharing this.

If you're up for a giggle, watch the Yacht Rock video about the song influencing Warren G. My son and I still quote from it.

"We're gonna do some crimes, steal some sh!t... F&$k that stop sign!"

youtu.be/aKcrGM_yWMI?...

Yacht Rock 7 HD

YouTube video by Hunter Stair

youtu.be

2 1

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 7d

The hardest part of being a #caregiver is taking better care of ourselves.

#Tip: Airlines tell you to “Put the oxygen mask on your own face first.”

They know this is the smartest and safest thing to do in a crisis because you can't help anyone else if you’re dead.

They're not being dramatic.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 7d

This is so good to know, thank you!

Raven’s Call : Aging & End of Life guide in Oregon @endoflifecare.bsky.social · 7d

True also for hospice services and hospice houses in the US states that allow Medical Aid in Dying, also known in Oregon as using the Death with Dignity Act. Some religiously based hospice services prohibit their employees from being involved, though this seems to be decreasing.

Queenslanders for End of Life Legal Options @q4eollo.fyi · 8d

From Go Gentle re aged care:

"Always be prepared. Ask an aged care facility as far in advance as you can if VAD can take place on their premises. Ideally, find out the provider's position on VAD before becoming resident in their facility. This means you can plan, and avoid any unexpected transfers"

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 8d

I love this!

Denise Brown @caregiving.bsky.social · 8d

We experience so much stress during our caregiving experience. Struggling to find someone who can receive the stories of our heartache and heartbreak added to our stress.

It's why we host the #Caregiving Listener Project so you can connect with a Volunteer Listening Artist.

youtu.be/jjXm1Tg_acs

Tell Us What May Be Difficult to Tell Another: Caregiving Listener Project

YouTube video by Caring Our Way through the Caregiving Years

youtu.be

1 1 2

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 8d

Being in the hospital is never a completely pleasant experience, but your attitude going in can make a BIG difference.

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com/p/the-realis...

The Realistic Caregiver's Tips of the Week!

September 24 – 30, 2025 (The last of hospital tips, I promise!)

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 8d

Spend enough time in caregiving forums and you'll see the term "my watch has ended" when someone's loved one passes away. It's a beautiful expression that really captures what caregiving feels like.

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com/p/when-your-...

When Your Watch Has Ended

Life After Caregiving

therealisticcaregiver.substack.com

1 2

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 8d

#Tip: The American medical system is forcing family #caregivers to handle as much of their loved one’s care as possible.

When you add that with the fact that families receive little to no training on how to properly care for their loved one?

It’s a recipe for disaster. And we see it every day.

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 8d

Oh, you're preaching to the choir! I completely know how impossible it feels when the house is on fire.

But the more I read about the physical effects of it, I have to say something, you know?

Too many of my beloved comrades are suffering, as I know you are as well. Keep fighting, my friend!

The Realistic Caregiver @caregiverqueen.bsky.social · 8d

Long-term caregiving (longer than 6 weeks of hands-on care) unfortunately also causes chronic stress.

Although it won't kill you directly, chronic stress can lead to depression, anxiety, digestive issues, &/or weakened immunity.

And if you always put your own needs last?

It never leads to good.