📦・🌼
Settling on codes to decorate & make characters profiles cute, redoing my profile after a couple years of a broken code and sure - why not pretty up and revamp my rushed 2023 TOS while I'm at it.

Be more specific, clarify rules, state reasons for blacklists, make it more legible & professional.

⚠️・ Blood
Resenting you, your lack of accountability, the foulness you preach, the disregard for your promises - 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙨.

I fight to empathize with and humanize you, practice patience and focus my all on unpacking my own flaws with what I have to work on, what I understand and see clearly.

My fiancé, however, is outrageously correct when noting that the transition from the fragment nicknamed "Box" to any other mentality and state, should be called "Unboxing". 📦

📦
You miserable, sorry fuck.
Objectively, I should thank you.

It's thanks to your substanceless gloats & heroic empty promises have left me overanalyzing every single aspect about myself.
Sore, untouched, pedophilic filth - trauma resurfaced. I searched my eyes for the same filth. Where is it?

🟡・🌼
I don't like scrubbing myself clean of stains left by failed relationships, friends I no longer meet eye to eye with or lost touch with ..

All these people who I'm able to view with a healthier lens now and realize - oh no. That wasn't very good now was it?

Finding out the most exaggerated, bara yaoi buff sona having hypermasculine, abusive trans masc stalker and creep I've ever had the misfortune of being involved with in some capacity completely de-transitioned into practically the complete opposite, doing normal things-
is jarring, to say the least.

🟡
Solitary confinement for bad behavior /J
#fukounashoujo #fukounagirl

🧸
Upstairs, there's a party, maybe a concert of sorts. A man playing an acoustic guitar and singing sort of monotonously reminds me so much of my musician dad.

His songs are now stuck in my head, and I miss his voice - the comfort of a parent who takes an interest in your hobbies.

📦・🟡
I don't know what to do with this information,
nor why I need it, but I guess it's good to have it?

I guess it never hurts to know too much about somebody who is, at the very least, an abuser - and at worst a criminal. We are estranged. But I know what you did.
I'll remember what they each did.

I had a dream, one of dozens that have sprinkled themselves into my REM cycle for years. YEARS of my regret, my self hatred; wallowing in self pity and this intensive urge to right this "devastating" wrong.

I hurt somebody I adored, yes. No act of self defense warrants toxicity or hurt -

Cope with depicting your fragment with the worst qualities of your trauma responses, obsessive tendencies and id ego™ by dunking a bucket of neon paint on them to make it at least a little fun🕺

The actual reason is quite lame. My therapist thinks its jazzy, though

I struggle a lot with certain traits of NPD, especially with differentiating my actual traits from the unstable tidbits I project onto myself to feel better and appear more intriguing/admirable to others..

But I do appreciate the way it twists my mentality on inferiority as an artist, genuinely.

Accidental ≈30h spent forgetting and sleeping through taking my heavy hitting meds - my brain is breathing and I know whose lungs they are.

Minus the nasty side effects, I am being 𝘱𝘩𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 productive today. Let's take those before I faceplant on the hardwood, though 🏃

⚠️・ Implied csa, blood, impalement

𝗪𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗹 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝗮𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴
𝗜 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝗳𝗹𝘂𝗶𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗵𝘆
𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝗺𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗲
𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿
-
My random blurb from a few days ago covers things adequately. I don't draw gore much but this is a dull, gory strain.

At the odd chance someone stumbles upon me Blair Witchin' it here, TW:
・𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗮𝗰𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝟭𝟴+ 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗺𝗮𝘆 𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗽𝗵𝗶𝗰 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 & 𝗶𝗹𝗹𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗦𝗔.
・I am diagnosed with Fragmented BPD, Covert NPD, PTSD, ADHD, hypersexuality.

Turn back if you're uncomfortable!