📦・🧸・🟡・🌼
@cherivile.bsky.social
[⚠️𝟏𝟖+ 𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐀𝐂𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓 - 𝐆𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐇𝐈𝐂 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 ]
Medicated & in therapy・avoidant & isolative artist working through messy trauma and trying to ameliorate stability. Self-scrutiny, fragmentation and mourning past mistakes and pain I've inflicted or attained.
Medicated & in therapy・avoidant & isolative artist working through messy trauma and trying to ameliorate stability. Self-scrutiny, fragmentation and mourning past mistakes and pain I've inflicted or attained.
I don't think I can debone and touch meat today. The very thought of touching and smelling something like that, holding something sharp, I'd rather enforce some sleep I don't need yet and wake up fine, different.
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
I don't think I can debone and touch meat today. The very thought of touching and smelling something like that, holding something sharp, I'd rather enforce some sleep I don't need yet and wake up fine, different.
It doesn't matter how much my thoughts scream on mute, I am always in control, I always follow through on what I'm doing. I did. It's good, healthy, maybe. If not, at least it's honest.
But my gut couldn't handle what my head can and it threw off every bit of balance I retain.
But my gut couldn't handle what my head can and it threw off every bit of balance I retain.
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
It doesn't matter how much my thoughts scream on mute, I am always in control, I always follow through on what I'm doing. I did. It's good, healthy, maybe. If not, at least it's honest.
But my gut couldn't handle what my head can and it threw off every bit of balance I retain.
But my gut couldn't handle what my head can and it threw off every bit of balance I retain.
Parts of my hair have gotten so long, I easily fiddle with and nervously chew on the ends like I did as a teenager. I want to cut it all off again. Cut myself down into a formless, nothing that was never something you wanted to sink your teeth into.
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Parts of my hair have gotten so long, I easily fiddle with and nervously chew on the ends like I did as a teenager. I want to cut it all off again. Cut myself down into a formless, nothing that was never something you wanted to sink your teeth into.
But neatly listing the 𝙬𝙝𝙮'𝙨, the 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚
I'm fully medicated, focused, stable, fed, clean - I just wrote for too long. I got nauseous and I threw up. I pushed past whatever barrier I steer clear from and vomited.
Why did you do all those things to us? To him? To me?
I'm fully medicated, focused, stable, fed, clean - I just wrote for too long. I got nauseous and I threw up. I pushed past whatever barrier I steer clear from and vomited.
Why did you do all those things to us? To him? To me?
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
But neatly listing the 𝙬𝙝𝙮'𝙨, the 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙙𝙤𝙣𝙚
I'm fully medicated, focused, stable, fed, clean - I just wrote for too long. I got nauseous and I threw up. I pushed past whatever barrier I steer clear from and vomited.
Why did you do all those things to us? To him? To me?
I'm fully medicated, focused, stable, fed, clean - I just wrote for too long. I got nauseous and I threw up. I pushed past whatever barrier I steer clear from and vomited.
Why did you do all those things to us? To him? To me?
My god, it's taken me so many separate sittings to specify why my groomer, who has been under that "Predator / Groomer" section of my blacklist for a good, long while.
I'm doing it for a reason, I want it to be specified. They are a criminal. I draw about the vague them-shaped dread within my PTSD.
I'm doing it for a reason, I want it to be specified. They are a criminal. I draw about the vague them-shaped dread within my PTSD.
November 15, 2025 at 6:30 PM
My god, it's taken me so many separate sittings to specify why my groomer, who has been under that "Predator / Groomer" section of my blacklist for a good, long while.
I'm doing it for a reason, I want it to be specified. They are a criminal. I draw about the vague them-shaped dread within my PTSD.
I'm doing it for a reason, I want it to be specified. They are a criminal. I draw about the vague them-shaped dread within my PTSD.
The whole heightened emotions thing is a disastrous combination, making for some pretty unfortunate, violent thoughts. Always been so.
Angry bear in it's stead✌️🐻
Angry bear in it's stead✌️🐻
October 30, 2025 at 3:01 AM
The whole heightened emotions thing is a disastrous combination, making for some pretty unfortunate, violent thoughts. Always been so.
Angry bear in it's stead✌️🐻
Angry bear in it's stead✌️🐻
I'm pretty decent thus far at managing a pretty messy, fractured identity and sense of self, so what's some more, really!
Doesn't sit well with me, yearning to peel their skin off and make a Blood Eagle out of them, so I drew my fursona seething. Anger's not my thing, but when it happens..
Doesn't sit well with me, yearning to peel their skin off and make a Blood Eagle out of them, so I drew my fursona seething. Anger's not my thing, but when it happens..
October 30, 2025 at 3:01 AM
I'm pretty decent thus far at managing a pretty messy, fractured identity and sense of self, so what's some more, really!
Doesn't sit well with me, yearning to peel their skin off and make a Blood Eagle out of them, so I drew my fursona seething. Anger's not my thing, but when it happens..
Doesn't sit well with me, yearning to peel their skin off and make a Blood Eagle out of them, so I drew my fursona seething. Anger's not my thing, but when it happens..
I can only reach so deep, only gather so much from the people who love me and can share their perspectives of who I am, who I always have been.
Absurd how much withheld information - or, well, just plain slander will fuck with ones head.
Absurd how much withheld information - or, well, just plain slander will fuck with ones head.
October 30, 2025 at 3:01 AM
I can only reach so deep, only gather so much from the people who love me and can share their perspectives of who I am, who I always have been.
Absurd how much withheld information - or, well, just plain slander will fuck with ones head.
Absurd how much withheld information - or, well, just plain slander will fuck with ones head.
My mirror image is warped because of you.
There have been times I haven't recognized my own face, have refused to view my own reflection for months or have watched the chromatic aberration of my character split and shift.
I always recognize myself, though. But now the image is unfocused, blurred.
There have been times I haven't recognized my own face, have refused to view my own reflection for months or have watched the chromatic aberration of my character split and shift.
I always recognize myself, though. But now the image is unfocused, blurred.
October 30, 2025 at 3:01 AM
My mirror image is warped because of you.
There have been times I haven't recognized my own face, have refused to view my own reflection for months or have watched the chromatic aberration of my character split and shift.
I always recognize myself, though. But now the image is unfocused, blurred.
There have been times I haven't recognized my own face, have refused to view my own reflection for months or have watched the chromatic aberration of my character split and shift.
I always recognize myself, though. But now the image is unfocused, blurred.
But for putting such disturbing accusations on a backburner, for treating the victims whose faces or names I can't be sure of like nothing worth prioritizing or passing on the responsibility of- good god, I despise you and how little you care.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
But for putting such disturbing accusations on a backburner, for treating the victims whose faces or names I can't be sure of like nothing worth prioritizing or passing on the responsibility of- good god, I despise you and how little you care.
Treat any statement I make as nothing, ignore every disgusting thing you or your loved ones have done to others all you need. No accountability or regret from you needed - nor did I ever thing some such thing was coming. I truly don't think it's something you're capable of.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Treat any statement I make as nothing, ignore every disgusting thing you or your loved ones have done to others all you need. No accountability or regret from you needed - nor did I ever thing some such thing was coming. I truly don't think it's something you're capable of.
A year of being consumed by every unanswered question of my own character has, at the very least, made me feel at peace with my ability to take accountability for anyone I've slighted, wronged, let alone abused or committed crime against.
But I will still hold immeasurable hatred towards you.
But I will still hold immeasurable hatred towards you.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
A year of being consumed by every unanswered question of my own character has, at the very least, made me feel at peace with my ability to take accountability for anyone I've slighted, wronged, let alone abused or committed crime against.
But I will still hold immeasurable hatred towards you.
But I will still hold immeasurable hatred towards you.
it may just throw me off the edge. No amount of stability could secure me from the risk of taking the easy way out.
But it wouldn't be your fault, nor anyone's whom I may have harmed the way you said I have. Not for a moment. just a consequence of atrocities I committed myself.
But it wouldn't be your fault, nor anyone's whom I may have harmed the way you said I have. Not for a moment. just a consequence of atrocities I committed myself.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
it may just throw me off the edge. No amount of stability could secure me from the risk of taking the easy way out.
But it wouldn't be your fault, nor anyone's whom I may have harmed the way you said I have. Not for a moment. just a consequence of atrocities I committed myself.
But it wouldn't be your fault, nor anyone's whom I may have harmed the way you said I have. Not for a moment. just a consequence of atrocities I committed myself.
You've blamed me for your health's decline and I've preached responsibility with your own wellbeing. I'd never urge one to act on impulse or when their health is at risk.
Who knows, sound, maturely presented testimonies against me, showcasing that I'm nothing but an echo of my own suffered abuse -
Who knows, sound, maturely presented testimonies against me, showcasing that I'm nothing but an echo of my own suffered abuse -
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
You've blamed me for your health's decline and I've preached responsibility with your own wellbeing. I'd never urge one to act on impulse or when their health is at risk.
Who knows, sound, maturely presented testimonies against me, showcasing that I'm nothing but an echo of my own suffered abuse -
Who knows, sound, maturely presented testimonies against me, showcasing that I'm nothing but an echo of my own suffered abuse -
But if you're not fit for the task,
for fucks sake, say something. Ask for help.
Don't carry the burden alone.
Don't gloat irresponsibly about the hours worth of material you have to expose others of genuine, horrendous crimes - and then do nothing but leave things at a stalemate.
for fucks sake, say something. Ask for help.
Don't carry the burden alone.
Don't gloat irresponsibly about the hours worth of material you have to expose others of genuine, horrendous crimes - and then do nothing but leave things at a stalemate.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
But if you're not fit for the task,
for fucks sake, say something. Ask for help.
Don't carry the burden alone.
Don't gloat irresponsibly about the hours worth of material you have to expose others of genuine, horrendous crimes - and then do nothing but leave things at a stalemate.
for fucks sake, say something. Ask for help.
Don't carry the burden alone.
Don't gloat irresponsibly about the hours worth of material you have to expose others of genuine, horrendous crimes - and then do nothing but leave things at a stalemate.
But you never did anything, never acted.
For over a year.
For the sake of your personal health, I'm sure, and if anybody suggests otherwise, "they should die in a pit" or something.
It's a lot of stress, a lot of responsibility to carry the burden of so many other peoples traumas. Even with help.
For over a year.
For the sake of your personal health, I'm sure, and if anybody suggests otherwise, "they should die in a pit" or something.
It's a lot of stress, a lot of responsibility to carry the burden of so many other peoples traumas. Even with help.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
But you never did anything, never acted.
For over a year.
For the sake of your personal health, I'm sure, and if anybody suggests otherwise, "they should die in a pit" or something.
It's a lot of stress, a lot of responsibility to carry the burden of so many other peoples traumas. Even with help.
For over a year.
For the sake of your personal health, I'm sure, and if anybody suggests otherwise, "they should die in a pit" or something.
It's a lot of stress, a lot of responsibility to carry the burden of so many other peoples traumas. Even with help.
Selfishly, I want so badly to understand what I don't. Whether this intolerance came from the unmanaged disordered behavior of a messed up kid who needs to own up to their mistakes now or if I should be in a jailcell and am too ignorant to see that.
If I have been what I hate most this whole time.
If I have been what I hate most this whole time.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Selfishly, I want so badly to understand what I don't. Whether this intolerance came from the unmanaged disordered behavior of a messed up kid who needs to own up to their mistakes now or if I should be in a jailcell and am too ignorant to see that.
If I have been what I hate most this whole time.
If I have been what I hate most this whole time.
I admired that. I felt safe in the knowledge that any mistakes and wrongdoings of mine that went unknown would be known openly.
I'd understand what was lost to me, know if I'd missed vital mistakes, unchecked abuse, a deeply buried disturbance.
You'd do what I wish somebody had done for me, once.
I'd understand what was lost to me, know if I'd missed vital mistakes, unchecked abuse, a deeply buried disturbance.
You'd do what I wish somebody had done for me, once.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
I admired that. I felt safe in the knowledge that any mistakes and wrongdoings of mine that went unknown would be known openly.
I'd understand what was lost to me, know if I'd missed vital mistakes, unchecked abuse, a deeply buried disturbance.
You'd do what I wish somebody had done for me, once.
I'd understand what was lost to me, know if I'd missed vital mistakes, unchecked abuse, a deeply buried disturbance.
You'd do what I wish somebody had done for me, once.
Packed in with any other wrongdoings of mine or really anyone whose wronged you once. Pack your grievances and concerns into one well crafted response, speak for those who have remained silent for their own wellbeing or safety.
If the tone of my thoughts doesn't communicate it, I want to clarify;
If the tone of my thoughts doesn't communicate it, I want to clarify;
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Packed in with any other wrongdoings of mine or really anyone whose wronged you once. Pack your grievances and concerns into one well crafted response, speak for those who have remained silent for their own wellbeing or safety.
If the tone of my thoughts doesn't communicate it, I want to clarify;
If the tone of my thoughts doesn't communicate it, I want to clarify;
I understand. Confrontation is never easy, but to feel so wounded - silence can be the best choice to heal.
But they told you. All of these people you said reached out to you, everyone whose experiences would be told, my mistakes - no, CRIMES, would be outed. Professionally essayed with delicacy.
But they told you. All of these people you said reached out to you, everyone whose experiences would be told, my mistakes - no, CRIMES, would be outed. Professionally essayed with delicacy.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
I understand. Confrontation is never easy, but to feel so wounded - silence can be the best choice to heal.
But they told you. All of these people you said reached out to you, everyone whose experiences would be told, my mistakes - no, CRIMES, would be outed. Professionally essayed with delicacy.
But they told you. All of these people you said reached out to you, everyone whose experiences would be told, my mistakes - no, CRIMES, would be outed. Professionally essayed with delicacy.
I know from my failures I've sat on and regretted, from a select couple of broken relationships - and especially from how I, both now and as a child, approached the perpetrators, the sources of trauma.
I didn't. And the victims that scorn me and came to you, I didn't make them feel safe enough.
I didn't. And the victims that scorn me and came to you, I didn't make them feel safe enough.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
I know from my failures I've sat on and regretted, from a select couple of broken relationships - and especially from how I, both now and as a child, approached the perpetrators, the sources of trauma.
I didn't. And the victims that scorn me and came to you, I didn't make them feel safe enough.
I didn't. And the victims that scorn me and came to you, I didn't make them feel safe enough.
I've scoured the remnants of what I can remember of faded connections with others in search of how I've groomed, abused and preyed upon others - no different than the terrors I suppress. Life changing brutality and pain dealt by my hand is what you alleged.
You said we'd know the pain I inflicted.
You said we'd know the pain I inflicted.
October 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
I've scoured the remnants of what I can remember of faded connections with others in search of how I've groomed, abused and preyed upon others - no different than the terrors I suppress. Life changing brutality and pain dealt by my hand is what you alleged.
You said we'd know the pain I inflicted.
You said we'd know the pain I inflicted.