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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 17h

I done cooked breakfast and it didn’t even burn. What is happening. 😱

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 1d

Oh no yeah, beauty! Thanks!

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 1d

Ah. I see I am not the only goblin this Friday.

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 1d

What are you doing to that poor man?!?

1

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 1d

It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets okay I'll stop.

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 1d

This looks suspiciously like the start of an Exterminatus. Did you do a 40k by accident?!?

a man in a red robe is holding a book with the words " better just lay the exterminatus upon these heretics "

Alt: A Warhammer 40k inquisitor saying, "Better just lay the exterminatus upon these heretics, alright, FIRE!" and a planet being destroyed.

media.tenor.com

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Reposted by 🤖CyberCrump🌆

Alejandra Caraballo @esqueer.net · 1d

A man gets a blowjob from a trans woman and his friends make fun of him so he goes to the police to claim she lied about being a woman. She was convicted of sexual assault and sentenced to nearly 2 years in prison because of a man's shame.

www.bbc.com/news/article...

Thornaby transgender woman jailed for deception sex assault

Ciara Watkin's victim says he would not have agreed to sex had he known she was biologically male.

www.bbc.com

50 450 1.6K

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

Nay, he is but a Sultan.

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

Jbrams lense flare! War crime! War crime! *falls down*

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

CyberCrump not found. Run.exe initialised. 🏃‍➡️

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

- Sir, they've already used those and they said it's... not a war crime the first time.

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

Madam, I am trying, but the palantir keeps singing Mah Nà Mah Nà...

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

*Dig dig dig dig*

Hurrite: 'Ahem. Oh damnèd and terrible ones, thy willing supplicant seeks...'

Demon: 'New hole, who dis?'

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

My brain has just coined the word 'potaintoes' for this sort of person. In the moment, they've all the wit of a root vegetable and should not be on public display, like... you know.

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

Ooh, shibboleths!

Burger King, early morning, Leicester. Self and friends having crappy breakfast. a couple from the States come in and ask the kid behind the counter, 'Please, can you tell us the name of the place we're at, and say it slowly and clearly?'
Kid: 'Uh, okay. BUR... GER... KING.'

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

As requested, here is a grandma.

...I'll get me coat.

an elderly woman wearing glasses and a white sweater is sitting in a chair

ALT: an elderly woman wearing glasses and a white sweater is sitting in a chair

media.tenor.com

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 2d

When the British venture onto the beaches in early Summer, and the weather gets even a little warm, and people roll up their jeans?

Right there. 75 Watts. Standard incandescent bulb.

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 3d

Did same re: brownies and window and cats. Was not disappointed. Cats not quite as easily pleased; middle cat yelled at me cheerfully until I made shadow fingers on the wall for him to catch. He's ten years old, bless his little fluffy braincell.

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 3d

If I may quote my friend Pete,

"Come back! I'm *nice!*"

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 3d

The RPG version goes a little something like this.

Consider: Victorian England: 1837-1901. American Old West: 1803-1912. Meiji Restoration: 1868-1912. French Privateering in the Gulf of Mexico: ended circa 1830. Conclustion: an adventuring party consisting of a Victorian gentleman thief, an Old West gunslinger, a disgraced former samurai, and an elderly French pirate is actually 100% historically plausible.

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 6d

Sprog, CyberWife and self all got out to brunch today. Most rare. All units recharged. 🥓🍳

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 7d

Making bacon sammiches and tea and only slightly distracted by having lurgi. On the plus side my voice is about half an octave lower than usual.

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 8d

Iron Maiden: 'This is never going to scan!'

🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 8d

Man, I remember when my only social reference for the word 'boomers' was the psychotic androids from Bubblegum Crisis. It was a better time, a simpler time.

...I mean it wasn't, but still.

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🤖CyberCrump🌆 @cybercrump.bsky.social · 9d

Didn't I bid you to button your coat?
Fog in the hollows is pooling.
People who turn
wish they'd never learned
Love, you are rapidly cooling.

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