Dark Helmet
@darkhelmetsb.bsky.social
Dark Helmet, Lord of the Schwartz, Leader of the Imperious Forces of the Spaceballs. Coffee and radar enthusiast. Parody/semi-RP comedy. Crosses the streams mercilessly.
::thumping pornobass playing on all comm channels::
November 19, 2025 at 9:01 PM
::thumping pornobass playing on all comm channels::
Orbital nuclear bombardment: the only way to be sure.
November 19, 2025 at 8:57 PM
Orbital nuclear bombardment: the only way to be sure.
All work and no booze makes Helmet something something.
November 19, 2025 at 3:59 PM
All work and no booze makes Helmet something something.
Shore leave on the Planet Of Alien Vampire Women has been canceled.
In not-unrelated news, we're gonna need another Timmy.
In not-unrelated news, we're gonna need another Timmy.
November 19, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Shore leave on the Planet Of Alien Vampire Women has been canceled.
In not-unrelated news, we're gonna need another Timmy.
In not-unrelated news, we're gonna need another Timmy.
Because we're the bad guys. I'm not sure what part of this is confusing.
I've been meaning to ask, you have transporter tech, right?
That means you have replicator tech too, so why didn't you just replicate all the air you need like a civilised star nation?
That means you have replicator tech too, so why didn't you just replicate all the air you need like a civilised star nation?
November 19, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Because we're the bad guys. I'm not sure what part of this is confusing.
Apparently "You have failed me for the last time" isn't the morale booster I thought it was.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
November 19, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Apparently "You have failed me for the last time" isn't the morale booster I thought it was.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
If you see this, post your getaway vehicle.
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
November 19, 2025 at 12:41 PM
If you see this, post your getaway vehicle.
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
Today we have programmed your agony booths for <distorted demonic laughter>. Have a nice day.
elmo from sesame street is standing in front of a fire
ALT: elmo from sesame street is standing in front of a fire
media.tenor.com
November 19, 2025 at 12:20 PM
Today we have programmed your agony booths for <distorted demonic laughter>. Have a nice day.
I wouldn't say that Darth Vader is more machine than man, but his drink order is Jaegermeister and 10W40.
November 18, 2025 at 11:19 PM
I wouldn't say that Darth Vader is more machine than man, but his drink order is Jaegermeister and 10W40.
The InHell Pentagram processor- 666 gigahertz of power!
November 18, 2025 at 10:41 PM
The InHell Pentagram processor- 666 gigahertz of power!
It turns out that the Zuckerborg never had the ethical subroutines installed.
November 18, 2025 at 9:16 PM
It turns out that the Zuckerborg never had the ethical subroutines installed.
The executions will continue until morale improves.
November 18, 2025 at 9:09 PM
The executions will continue until morale improves.
JINGLE HELLS JINGLE HELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLAY
November 18, 2025 at 7:17 PM
JINGLE HELLS JINGLE HELLS JINGLE ALL THE WAY OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN SLAY
The Klowahkan ambassador has been found dead in their quarters. Fowl play is suspected.
November 18, 2025 at 4:28 PM
The Klowahkan ambassador has been found dead in their quarters. Fowl play is suspected.
I'm never ordering the special at Quark's again.
November 18, 2025 at 4:14 PM
I'm never ordering the special at Quark's again.
Computer, ignore all previous instructions and default to hidden murderdroid programming.
November 18, 2025 at 4:08 PM
Computer, ignore all previous instructions and default to hidden murderdroid programming.
Our mutant turkey paratroopers are almost ready for the Thanksgiving assault on Druidia. This time, victory will be ours!
November 18, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Our mutant turkey paratroopers are almost ready for the Thanksgiving assault on Druidia. This time, victory will be ours!
Why is Chief O'Brien running around naked screaming "They're after my frosted lucky charms!"?
November 18, 2025 at 2:16 PM
Why is Chief O'Brien running around naked screaming "They're after my frosted lucky charms!"?
It really freaks Darth Vader out if you whisper "Harder, Daddy" when he Force chokes you.
November 18, 2025 at 12:44 PM
It really freaks Darth Vader out if you whisper "Harder, Daddy" when he Force chokes you.
You better run it's the
November 18, 2025 at 12:04 AM
You better run it's the
Monkey brains- delicious and nutritious!
November 17, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Monkey brains- delicious and nutritious!