Dark Helmet
@darkhelmetsb.bsky.social
Dark Helmet, Lord of the Schwartz, Leader of the Imperious Forces of the Spaceballs. Coffee and radar enthusiast. Parody/semi-RP comedy. Crosses the streams mercilessly.
Apparently "You have failed me for the last time" isn't the morale booster I thought it was.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
November 19, 2025 at 12:56 PM
Apparently "You have failed me for the last time" isn't the morale booster I thought it was.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
Oh, well.
Sorry, Frank.
If you see this, post your getaway vehicle.
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
November 19, 2025 at 12:41 PM
If you see this, post your getaway vehicle.
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
It's not so much "getaway" as "we're coming to steal your air".
The executions will continue until morale improves.
November 18, 2025 at 9:09 PM
The executions will continue until morale improves.
I'm never ordering the special at Quark's again.
November 18, 2025 at 4:14 PM
I'm never ordering the special at Quark's again.
You better run it's the
November 18, 2025 at 12:04 AM
You better run it's the
Monkey brains- delicious and nutritious!
November 17, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Monkey brains- delicious and nutritious!
It is Monday. Today we have programmed your agony booths for Maximum Unpleasant Stimuli. Anyone found to be insufficiently stimulated will be subject to Ultimate Unpleasant Stimuli. Have a nice day.
November 17, 2025 at 1:01 PM
It is Monday. Today we have programmed your agony booths for Maximum Unpleasant Stimuli. Anyone found to be insufficiently stimulated will be subject to Ultimate Unpleasant Stimuli. Have a nice day.
This planet has gone to the apes.
November 17, 2025 at 12:55 AM
This planet has gone to the apes.
I hate those guys! They did some kind of experiment on me!
November 16, 2025 at 6:03 PM
I hate those guys! They did some kind of experiment on me!
Are you saying that I can't Schwartz my underlings when they screw up, or just because it's Thursday?
November 13, 2025 at 5:54 PM
Are you saying that I can't Schwartz my underlings when they screw up, or just because it's Thursday?
Space Pope Karen
November 13, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Space Pope Karen
The executions will continue until morale improves.
November 11, 2025 at 8:35 PM
The executions will continue until morale improves.
How about this rhyme?
Roses are red,
My helmet is black.
When you get Schwartzed
They don't grow back.
Roses are red,
My helmet is black.
When you get Schwartzed
They don't grow back.
November 11, 2025 at 12:23 AM
How about this rhyme?
Roses are red,
My helmet is black.
When you get Schwartzed
They don't grow back.
Roses are red,
My helmet is black.
When you get Schwartzed
They don't grow back.
YOU UNDERSTAND "BRIVARI", YES?
November 9, 2025 at 1:48 AM
YOU UNDERSTAND "BRIVARI", YES?
Remember, don't drink and Schwartz.
November 8, 2025 at 2:07 PM
Remember, don't drink and Schwartz.
Ludicrous speed drinking- GO!
November 8, 2025 at 12:01 AM
Ludicrous speed drinking- GO!
