David Gardner
@davidgardner.bsky.social
Writer: GQ, NYT, WaPo, Ringer, etc. Shit poster and aspiring shit skeeter.
*explaining American football to a European*
“Okay, so one of the ways to advance the ball is by passing and catching?”
“So what’s a pass?”
“Throwing the ball forward from behind the line of scrimmage to in front of it”
“And what’s a catch?”
“Literally no one knows”
“Okay, so one of the ways to advance the ball is by passing and catching?”
“So what’s a pass?”
“Throwing the ball forward from behind the line of scrimmage to in front of it”
“And what’s a catch?”
“Literally no one knows”
January 19, 2026 at 8:47 PM
*explaining American football to a European*
“Okay, so one of the ways to advance the ball is by passing and catching?”
“So what’s a pass?”
“Throwing the ball forward from behind the line of scrimmage to in front of it”
“And what’s a catch?”
“Literally no one knows”
“Okay, so one of the ways to advance the ball is by passing and catching?”
“So what’s a pass?”
“Throwing the ball forward from behind the line of scrimmage to in front of it”
“And what’s a catch?”
“Literally no one knows”
It’s the exact same play! How could it not be a pick?
January 19, 2026 at 2:06 AM
It’s the exact same play! How could it not be a pick?
Reposted by David Gardner
Forensic analysis of objective video evidence. This is how you serve readers searching for clarity.
January 8, 2026 at 1:00 PM
Forensic analysis of objective video evidence. This is how you serve readers searching for clarity.
It amazes me that a dozen executives at Amazon and the ad agency they hired all thought that “Now brace your urethra for turbulence” was the perfect kicker for their national commercial
January 4, 2026 at 3:44 AM
It amazes me that a dozen executives at Amazon and the ad agency they hired all thought that “Now brace your urethra for turbulence” was the perfect kicker for their national commercial
Reposted by David Gardner
Terrifying headline if you don’t realize they are sports teams.
December 19, 2025 at 4:37 PM
Terrifying headline if you don’t realize they are sports teams.
The football gods punish cowardice
December 7, 2025 at 4:04 AM
The football gods punish cowardice
Big Ten refs are so bad they made these dudes where body cams
December 7, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Big Ten refs are so bad they made these dudes where body cams
Trying to get a consulting contract with Netflix so that I can charge them $25 million to suggest renaming HBO Max to just … HBO
December 5, 2025 at 2:47 PM
Trying to get a consulting contract with Netflix so that I can charge them $25 million to suggest renaming HBO Max to just … HBO
Oh yeah that’s the good stuff
November 27, 2025 at 6:04 PM
Oh yeah that’s the good stuff
It’s giving … thanks
November 27, 2025 at 3:16 PM
It’s giving … thanks
Oh yeah for sure, let me put on my tux to slide into Spirit Airlines seat 26B
Trump's Transportation Secretary on how to improve air travel:
"People dress up like they're going to bed when they fly... We want to push people as we come into a really busy travel season, help people out, be in a good mood, dress up"
"People dress up like they're going to bed when they fly... We want to push people as we come into a really busy travel season, help people out, be in a good mood, dress up"
November 21, 2025 at 9:20 PM
Oh yeah for sure, let me put on my tux to slide into Spirit Airlines seat 26B
Does anyone have the under/over on prison sentence lengths for the NBA FBI arrests?
October 23, 2025 at 2:27 PM
Does anyone have the under/over on prison sentence lengths for the NBA FBI arrests?
Your periodic reminder that for every name you’ve heard — Terry Rozier and Chauncey Billups — there are five support staff members with access to the same information who make 1/100th of their salaries and have every incentive in the world to gamble
October 23, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Your periodic reminder that for every name you’ve heard — Terry Rozier and Chauncey Billups — there are five support staff members with access to the same information who make 1/100th of their salaries and have every incentive in the world to gamble
Me every time I see a college football coach get fired and enjoy those sweet buyout years
October 12, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Me every time I see a college football coach get fired and enjoy those sweet buyout years
My kid slept past 8 a.m. today for the first time in 2.5 years and I feel like I could summit Everest without oxygen
September 20, 2025 at 4:06 PM
My kid slept past 8 a.m. today for the first time in 2.5 years and I feel like I could summit Everest without oxygen
Someone threw a water bottle at Derrick Henry during that TD run, which reminds me of my long-held belief that players should be given the opportunity to fight, at the 50-yard line, any fan who engages in that kind of behavior
September 8, 2025 at 2:58 AM
Someone threw a water bottle at Derrick Henry during that TD run, which reminds me of my long-held belief that players should be given the opportunity to fight, at the 50-yard line, any fan who engages in that kind of behavior
Steve Ballmer’s defense really was just
September 6, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Steve Ballmer’s defense really was just
Mamdani got a 2140 on his SATs? Out of 1600?? What an achievement
July 8, 2025 at 1:08 AM
Mamdani got a 2140 on his SATs? Out of 1600?? What an achievement
Reposted by David Gardner
They finally made the milk from that hotel
July 6, 2025 at 3:42 PM
They finally made the milk from that hotel
For every player whose name you recognize there have gotta be 3 people who work in support roles who are doing the same thing and we’ll never know
DETROIT (AP) — NBA player Malik Beasley under investigation by US District Attorney's office after gambling allegations, AP source says.
June 29, 2025 at 5:32 PM
For every player whose name you recognize there have gotta be 3 people who work in support roles who are doing the same thing and we’ll never know
If what just happened to Mathurin ever happened to me, I wouldn’t walk for six months
June 23, 2025 at 2:29 AM
If what just happened to Mathurin ever happened to me, I wouldn’t walk for six months
Never seen a leg pop like that. Hope I never see something like that again
June 23, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Never seen a leg pop like that. Hope I never see something like that again
Watching Tyrese go down in Game 7
June 23, 2025 at 12:26 AM
Watching Tyrese go down in Game 7