Derek Heckman
@derekheckman.bsky.social
Fiction writer/schoolmarm. Shopping around a too-long novel about sad midwestern teens. (he/him)
Pinned
Dreamed last night that I had ingested poison and while I was waiting for it to take effect, I saw someone had a flat tire outside my house and said “oh no I should go help them”—you guys think that means anything or?
November 25, 2025 at 10:38 PM
Dreamed last night that I had ingested poison and while I was waiting for it to take effect, I saw someone had a flat tire outside my house and said “oh no I should go help them”—you guys think that means anything or?
I can tell Joni Mitchell is a great artist because skating away on a nonexistent river wouldn’t crack my like top hundred ways to leave a place where I was unhappy
November 25, 2025 at 10:06 PM
I can tell Joni Mitchell is a great artist because skating away on a nonexistent river wouldn’t crack my like top hundred ways to leave a place where I was unhappy
John Prine rocks because you hear one song and you’re like “well that was the best song ever written” and then you hear another one and you’re like “oh shit”
November 25, 2025 at 9:44 PM
John Prine rocks because you hear one song and you’re like “well that was the best song ever written” and then you hear another one and you’re like “oh shit”
My wife and I have a real “let’s call the whole thing off” thing going on but instead of “tomato” and “tomahto” I say “I didn’t hear you” and she says “you weren’t listening”
November 22, 2025 at 3:55 PM
My wife and I have a real “let’s call the whole thing off” thing going on but instead of “tomato” and “tomahto” I say “I didn’t hear you” and she says “you weren’t listening”
Wicked: For the Beh-heh-heh-ter
November 22, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Wicked: For the Beh-heh-heh-ter
Today a kid was practicing reading and she read the word “cool” and I asked her to tell me what it meant and she pointed at me and said “like you’re cool” 😎😎😎😎😎
November 20, 2025 at 9:46 PM
Today a kid was practicing reading and she read the word “cool” and I asked her to tell me what it meant and she pointed at me and said “like you’re cool” 😎😎😎😎😎
Pope should do a publishing summit next. Give some of these freaks a talking to
November 16, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Pope should do a publishing summit next. Give some of these freaks a talking to
Child: “Mr. Derek, my brother said sorry to me this morning, but he didn’t even do anything!”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
November 13, 2025 at 5:47 PM
Child: “Mr. Derek, my brother said sorry to me this morning, but he didn’t even do anything!”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
Me, a recovering Catholic: “I do that sometimes”
Friend just showed his girlfriend both Butch Cassidy AND The Verdict and I’m currently waiting to hear which Paul Newman she thought was hotter
November 13, 2025 at 12:58 PM
Friend just showed his girlfriend both Butch Cassidy AND The Verdict and I’m currently waiting to hear which Paul Newman she thought was hotter
I like when the cold makes my hands all chapped and I can pretend that I’ve worked a day in my life
November 12, 2025 at 12:57 PM
I like when the cold makes my hands all chapped and I can pretend that I’ve worked a day in my life
My wife bought this because she says it looks like me
November 11, 2025 at 10:56 PM
My wife bought this because she says it looks like me
Parent-teacher conferences go against everything Goodfellas raised me to believe about the importance of not ratting on your friends
November 10, 2025 at 9:41 PM
Parent-teacher conferences go against everything Goodfellas raised me to believe about the importance of not ratting on your friends
Fuck me up, king
November 7, 2025 at 11:58 AM
Fuck me up, king
Just sighed so big a piece food that was stuck in my teeth dislodged and flew out of my mouth
November 7, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Just sighed so big a piece food that was stuck in my teeth dislodged and flew out of my mouth
Reposted by Derek Heckman
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below 👇
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
Reposted by Derek Heckman
Excellent essay about the movie Weapons (spoilers of course)
October 31, 2025 at 4:59 PM
Excellent essay about the movie Weapons (spoilers of course)
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below 👇
October 31, 2025 at 4:22 PM
If you’re in the market for a horror movie essay today, then give yourself a TREAT and read this one I wrote about Weapons! Or just play a TRICK and tell me you read it anyway!
Today I mentioned that my parents live in Illinois and one of my kids said “Mr. Derek, you’re really brave to come to school all by yourself”
October 30, 2025 at 8:05 PM
Today I mentioned that my parents live in Illinois and one of my kids said “Mr. Derek, you’re really brave to come to school all by yourself”
Said it before but a great part of working with kids is how sensitive they are to even the smallest of injuries. I come in with a nick from shaving sometimes and they are all so concerned about me
October 30, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Said it before but a great part of working with kids is how sensitive they are to even the smallest of injuries. I come in with a nick from shaving sometimes and they are all so concerned about me
Bumpin that
I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below 👇
October 29, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Bumpin that
I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below 👇
October 29, 2025 at 3:26 PM
I wrote about Weapons and all the stuff it brought up for me about active shooter trainings. Link, as they say, below 👇
Me, misunderstanding “gooner” as “a fan of Jennifer Egan’s 2010 collection of linked short stories ‘A Visit from the Goon Squad’”: “I don’t know. I’ve always liked the PowerPoint presentation one”
October 23, 2025 at 3:16 PM
Me, misunderstanding “gooner” as “a fan of Jennifer Egan’s 2010 collection of linked short stories ‘A Visit from the Goon Squad’”: “I don’t know. I’ve always liked the PowerPoint presentation one”
Do not, my friends, become addicted to sleeping through the night
October 23, 2025 at 10:44 AM
Do not, my friends, become addicted to sleeping through the night
Really great children’s book I just came across. Could not recommend it enough
October 22, 2025 at 6:27 PM
Really great children’s book I just came across. Could not recommend it enough