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tatum jake 🪐

@disastar.bsky.social

120 followers 150 following 730 posts

anything can be a sign if you're delusional enough 🔮 | born to love science, forced to have learning disabilities | transgender, autistic, adhd, ambulatory wheelchair user | 27 years old | ger/eng pfp by @kitchiki.bsky.social

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · Nov 9

hi i'm tatum jake! tate and TJ are fine as well :3 pronouns are he/him, i'm 26 and i post in both german and english.

● about me/interests ●
-transgender
-AuDHD
-chronic illness/fibromyalgia
-pokemon
-undertale/deltarune
-art
-cats
-space
-spirituality
-crochet

a selfie of me! light-skinned, short-ish brown hair swooped to one side, that needs to see a hairdresser again. i'm wearing a blue jean jacket, that also has light grey cotton sleeves and a hood of the same colour. underneath i'm wearing a "flower ralsei" shirt from the official deltarune online shop, of which you can only make out a few flowers, but not ralsei because the rest is either covered by the jacket or out of frame. my expression is a silly, one-sided squint or maybe an exaggerated wink: one eye slightly open, the other is squinted and closed completely, nose scrunched up to that side as well as my lips in a silly smile. noticable feature are my glasses, which are completely round lenses in an asymmetrical frame which makes an s-form, going from the upperside of one lense to the lowerside of the other. i also have 2 piercings: a septum ring and a lip ring.

a digital drawing i make of my cat fursona! we share the same name and pronouns. he is a brown tabby/calico, half of his face and chest fur are white. he has a fluffy dark brown mane on his back and neck, ending in an equally fluffy hair piece on his head. he has differently coloured ears, as well as bird-like wings on his back. he has blue eyes, a few small scars on his face and ears and 3 piercings, a septum piercing, an eyebrow piercing and a helix piercing on one ear. his expression is calm and his mouth forms a small smile, though he does look a bit tired. the browns and oranges of his fur are beautifully saturated by the shading and lighting effects i used. i actually used a different method than i normally use for this drawing, because after i rendered/shaded the drawing, i then went over the whole piece again with a brush that draws several straight lines parallel to each other, meaning that the whole piece has a kind of textured, stylized effect of the colours overlapping eachother. overall, i really like how the colours pop but the drawing still radiates a very calming and cozy energy.

a tiktok screenshot meme. a person is sitting on the floor, covering their face, the text in the picture has been edited to say: "me when i got the pokemon autism instead of the being good at math or science autism". the pokemon piplup has also been edited into the meme.

a screenshot from the game "undertale", the scene where the protagonist/player meets sans the skeleton for the first time but sans' textbox has been edited to say "i'm trans. trans the skeleton."

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 2d

it feels wrong but of course i still have to take my meds or else i go insane 😀👍 the worst part will be that now i'll get used to these green ones over the next month and then i'll probably get the red ones the next time AND THE SWITCH UP IS JUST TOO MUCH

autism is hard man /silly

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 2d

one plus i do have to give this new company is that they make the plastic strips way smaller than the other companies, which is great bc these pills are TINY like actually very tiny and the other companies made the strips way too big for these tiny pills.

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 2d

second, green. i have nothing against green and to be fair, the green of the pills is actually very pretty. a soft pastel mint, i like it. but sadly, it's just wrong :/ these pills are supposed to be red. i've seen them every day for 8 years, they've never been green, it's just wrong.

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 2d

this is wrong on SO many levels. in this essay i will tell you why.

first, let's start with the packaging. it's bad. the box is too big for the pill strips and it's one of those weird boxes you can't close again after opening. WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF THE BOX IF I CAN'T CLOSE IT AGAIN???

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 2d

i've been taking the same antipsychotics since 2017 every day. usually, the pharmacy has these pills available by 1 of 2 companies but either way, the pills are ALWAYS the same shade of red in 2 different shapes.

now i got them from a completely different company. they're green. i despise this.

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 5d

and i simply don't care enough about myself to bother.....

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 5d

i do want to stop smoking. like, generally speaking. i hate it with a passion. but i also hate myself with a passion. so yeah, it's self-destructive behaviour, i'm aware. but i can't be bothered to stop right now. i have enough on plate as is, i don't need withdrawal symptoms as well.

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 5d

finally got a referral slip to a lung specialist for suspected sleep apnea. i haven't been to my lung specialist in like 5 years. she won't be happy to hear i'm still smoking. i wonder if i can even get properly tested for sleep apnea while i still do.........

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 6d

and when i asked her to not call me atm bc i'm sick, she will only send me voice memos and then being like "we'd have to call for that" no!!!! stop over complicating everything!!!! she keeps avoiding the most simplest solution to literally Everything i'm tired man 😭

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 6d

i've had a legal guardian for a few months now and i swear that woman is allergic to using her keyboard. she'd rather always call me out of the blue JUST to answer a question even though i told her multiple times to not just randomly call me bc i can't do that

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 6d

i'm generally not a hater of voice memos but why god why do some people send voice memos that are only a few seconds short and being like "yeah ok, good idea, let's do it like that, bye"

THAT COULD'VE BEEN A SIMPLE TEXT

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Reposted by tatum jake 🪐

ちび @chibchibiii.bsky.social · 7d

Asimov lowkey hitting it as Frieren

#Spindleclub @aidenr0.bsky.social

Oc by Spindle named Asimov cosplaying as Frieren with her girlfriend Ottilie cheering in the background

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 7d

where it's going, i won't spend money on this anymore" and she told me how she had explained it to my aunt several times already, but she doesn't really care, which is expected bc my aunt hates me being trans.

but i love my mom and i love how she listens to me and how she supports me ❤️‍🩹🏳️‍⚧️

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 7d

yeah that's great. thank you for thinking about that. when my mom, my aunt and my grandma went to hamburg a while ago they considered going to a musical and my aunt had suggested harry potter and my mom stood her ground and she was like "as much as i like the story and would love to see +

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 7d

i'm good"

my mom loves listening to audio books and recently when she wanted to listen to harry potter again, she told me how conflicted she was but then she remembered her sister still has all the audio books downloaded from idk maybe 15 years ago and she asked me if that's ok and i was like

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 7d

listen. she still gets the urge to engage with the story every few years to which i told her "honestly, we have the books and movies at home. i don't expect you to get rid of them. they still have emotional value for me as well. it's complicated. as long as you don't give her any more money, +

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 7d

i'm forever grateful to have such a supportive mom. harry potter has always been a big thing in our house and especially with my mom i was always a little worried she wouldn't be able to listen to me when i explained how harmful harry potter support has gotten to trans people like me. but she does +

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 7d

I JUST WANT TO LAY DOWN, I WANT TO BE HORIZONTAL, PLEASE 😭

the coughing also severely triggers my emetophobia which is just extra annoying and terrifying :(

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 7d

i'm at this weird annoying stage with my sickness right now. my body's like "whine, i want to be horizontal, i want to snuggle in bed" but whenever i lay down today, my lungs apparently want to break free from my rip cage and i won't stop coughing until i'm upright again.

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 9d

instead she asked if she could give me a hug goodbye and she told me how proud she is that i'm doing this and that she hopes i'll get the help i deserve. i'll never forget her ❤️ she was the only one to show me she cared

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 9d

on my last day at school before i left for a few weeks to go to a psychiatry, my maths teacher caught me not paying attention. after class she asked me to stay to talk and i was expecting an earful of "just cause you'll be gone for a while doesn't mean you don't have to pay attention anymore" but

Little Tunny 🐌🤝🧂 @littletunny.bsky.social · 9d

as a neurodivergent & also weird kid school was hell for me, though these days I struggle to remember the names of all the teachers who bullied me. But the three that treated me like a person have never left me. Now more than ever, I hope you all try your best to stay unsquishable!

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tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 11d

that is btw something my doctor actually told me a few years ago when i had my yearly sinusitis. "your lungs sound like those of an 80 year old senior citizen who's been smoking since their fifth year of life"

you're safe to assume i didn't know how to respond to that other than "oh"

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 11d

update: my throat whistling has evolved and my lungs now sound like those of an 80 year old who's been smoking since their fifth year of life.

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 12d

to be more precise, i'm currently at the stage where my throat is constantly whistling and sometimes it sounds like a cat meow, the like "mew" sound and then i jumpscare myself bc i didn't know that sound came from my throat and i'll frantically look around for my cats who are no where near me

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 11d

i always thought that was just a myth! like this whole thing with "man up, it's just a cold, it's not that bad". oh well, goes to show once again that the patriarchy harms everyone 🤷‍♂️

tatum jake 🪐 @disastar.bsky.social · 12d

oh! i genuinely didn't know that 🤔 then i'm guessing it's really that. is the immune system getting weaker the case with any hrt or with testosterone specifically? /genq