Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
@duncanwriter.bsky.social
Librocubicularist & writer, plotter of fictional crimes, Jack of all genres. Once called “brilliant” by Peter Straub. Bad joke proliferator. Buy my books at Fahrenheit Press.
Pinned
Hey #booklovers, if you like #mysteries and #thrillers then check Amazon for my #CozyMystery Kirby Baxter trilogy, starting with A MINT CONDITION CORPSE, & my Jake Mooney #thrillerbooks trilogy starting with HACK.
“Stop stepping into my eye-line when I am doing my monologue you tin-headed mountebank!”
November 26, 2025 at 1:04 AM
“Stop stepping into my eye-line when I am doing my monologue you tin-headed mountebank!”
Some of my best holiday recipes. Derived from decades of cooking holiday dinners.
November 24, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Some of my best holiday recipes. Derived from decades of cooking holiday dinners.
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“So Cthulhu, who is the guy next to you in this photo?”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
November 19, 2025 at 1:36 AM
“So Cthulhu, who is the guy next to you in this photo?”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“Oh, Ernie, you’re home early.”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
November 22, 2025 at 11:42 PM
“Oh, Ernie, you’re home early.”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
A movie that takes place where you're from.
November 23, 2025 at 3:44 PM
A movie that takes place where you're from.
“Oh, Ernie, you’re home early.”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
November 22, 2025 at 11:42 PM
“Oh, Ernie, you’re home early.”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
“Well Rubber Duckycon broke out in a riot again. Who is your friend?”
“Ernie, this is my friend Elliot. Elliot, this is Ernie.”
“Hey Bert, why is Elliot’s dick out.”
“I can explain tha—”
“I AM NOT ASKING YOU ELLIOT! SO SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH!”
“That’s right, run, you cowards! And if you dare mock our puffy pants again, you will taste our steel!”
November 19, 2025 at 1:40 AM
“That’s right, run, you cowards! And if you dare mock our puffy pants again, you will taste our steel!”
“So Cthulhu, who is the guy next to you in this photo?”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
November 19, 2025 at 1:36 AM
“So Cthulhu, who is the guy next to you in this photo?”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
“That’s Keith Richards.”
“I can’t believe Keith Richards was a marching band nerd like you.”
“I should never have shown you my high school yearbook.”
“Do you have any idea where we are?”
“Nope.”
“I thought you came from generations of expert guides.”
“I do come from generations of guides, but I own a hardware store in Sacramento, I tried to explain that when you abducted me, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“Nope.”
“I thought you came from generations of expert guides.”
“I do come from generations of guides, but I own a hardware store in Sacramento, I tried to explain that when you abducted me, but you wouldn’t listen.”
November 17, 2025 at 8:46 PM
“Do you have any idea where we are?”
“Nope.”
“I thought you came from generations of expert guides.”
“I do come from generations of guides, but I own a hardware store in Sacramento, I tried to explain that when you abducted me, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“Nope.”
“I thought you came from generations of expert guides.”
“I do come from generations of guides, but I own a hardware store in Sacramento, I tried to explain that when you abducted me, but you wouldn’t listen.”
“Okay guys have you cleared the thanksgiving checklist?”
“Yes Bob, we even got that cranberry sauce you wanted.”
“That’s great, & I want to remind you to avoid talking politics around Aunt Sophie & Uncle Joe. How they stayed married for 800 years baffles me.”
“Yes Bob, we even got that cranberry sauce you wanted.”
“That’s great, & I want to remind you to avoid talking politics around Aunt Sophie & Uncle Joe. How they stayed married for 800 years baffles me.”
November 17, 2025 at 1:41 AM
“Okay guys have you cleared the thanksgiving checklist?”
“Yes Bob, we even got that cranberry sauce you wanted.”
“That’s great, & I want to remind you to avoid talking politics around Aunt Sophie & Uncle Joe. How they stayed married for 800 years baffles me.”
“Yes Bob, we even got that cranberry sauce you wanted.”
“That’s great, & I want to remind you to avoid talking politics around Aunt Sophie & Uncle Joe. How they stayed married for 800 years baffles me.”
Q: How is the superhero team recruitment drive going?
A: I think I’ve found all the available recruits, now I must go on a quest to find my hope for humanity.
A: I think I’ve found all the available recruits, now I must go on a quest to find my hope for humanity.
November 17, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Q: How is the superhero team recruitment drive going?
A: I think I’ve found all the available recruits, now I must go on a quest to find my hope for humanity.
A: I think I’ve found all the available recruits, now I must go on a quest to find my hope for humanity.
Don’t you hate it when everyone starts dressing like you, because you’re so stylish?🤨
November 16, 2025 at 9:47 PM
Don’t you hate it when everyone starts dressing like you, because you’re so stylish?🤨
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
November 8, 2025 at 10:37 PM
“I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“I’d like a large pizza with the works, but hold the anchovies…. Yeah, everyone is surprised to discover that I don’t eat anchovies… oh can I get a bottle of Coke with that? Will Pepsi do? No, not really. I’ll have a root beer instead. Thanks.”
November 9, 2025 at 7:58 PM
“I’d like a large pizza with the works, but hold the anchovies…. Yeah, everyone is surprised to discover that I don’t eat anchovies… oh can I get a bottle of Coke with that? Will Pepsi do? No, not really. I’ll have a root beer instead. Thanks.”
Reposted by Duncan MacMaster The Sweetheart of the Internet
“Whoah! Guys! Guys! I just realized something.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
November 11, 2025 at 12:44 AM
“Whoah! Guys! Guys! I just realized something.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
“You see that road by the cow pasture?”
“Yes.”
“Follow that down into the valley. There you will find the Royal Highway.”
“Then what?”
“Turn west, and go fuck yourselves all the way back to where you came from.”
“No need to be snarky.”
“Yes.”
“Follow that down into the valley. There you will find the Royal Highway.”
“Then what?”
“Turn west, and go fuck yourselves all the way back to where you came from.”
“No need to be snarky.”
November 13, 2025 at 12:53 PM
“You see that road by the cow pasture?”
“Yes.”
“Follow that down into the valley. There you will find the Royal Highway.”
“Then what?”
“Turn west, and go fuck yourselves all the way back to where you came from.”
“No need to be snarky.”
“Yes.”
“Follow that down into the valley. There you will find the Royal Highway.”
“Then what?”
“Turn west, and go fuck yourselves all the way back to where you came from.”
“No need to be snarky.”
“Whoah! Guys! Guys! I just realized something.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
November 11, 2025 at 12:44 AM
“Whoah! Guys! Guys! I just realized something.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
“What is it Bob?”
“This sneak attack plan is not going to work. We’re all rattling so loud, we can wake the dead… you know, the other dead.”
Coming this December to ABC prime time & Disney+.
PREDATOR: BADLANDS XMAS SPECIAL
Starring DEK & THIA.
Featuring:
THE MUPPETS
THE XENOMORPH DANCERS
THE MUMMENCHANZ MIMES
with musical guests
ANNE MURRAY
SNOOP DOGG
&
CYBORG MEL TORME
Brought to you by WEYLAND-YUTANI INC.
PREDATOR: BADLANDS XMAS SPECIAL
Starring DEK & THIA.
Featuring:
THE MUPPETS
THE XENOMORPH DANCERS
THE MUMMENCHANZ MIMES
with musical guests
ANNE MURRAY
SNOOP DOGG
&
CYBORG MEL TORME
Brought to you by WEYLAND-YUTANI INC.
November 9, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Coming this December to ABC prime time & Disney+.
PREDATOR: BADLANDS XMAS SPECIAL
Starring DEK & THIA.
Featuring:
THE MUPPETS
THE XENOMORPH DANCERS
THE MUMMENCHANZ MIMES
with musical guests
ANNE MURRAY
SNOOP DOGG
&
CYBORG MEL TORME
Brought to you by WEYLAND-YUTANI INC.
PREDATOR: BADLANDS XMAS SPECIAL
Starring DEK & THIA.
Featuring:
THE MUPPETS
THE XENOMORPH DANCERS
THE MUMMENCHANZ MIMES
with musical guests
ANNE MURRAY
SNOOP DOGG
&
CYBORG MEL TORME
Brought to you by WEYLAND-YUTANI INC.
“I’d like a large pizza with the works, but hold the anchovies…. Yeah, everyone is surprised to discover that I don’t eat anchovies… oh can I get a bottle of Coke with that? Will Pepsi do? No, not really. I’ll have a root beer instead. Thanks.”
November 9, 2025 at 7:58 PM
“I’d like a large pizza with the works, but hold the anchovies…. Yeah, everyone is surprised to discover that I don’t eat anchovies… oh can I get a bottle of Coke with that? Will Pepsi do? No, not really. I’ll have a root beer instead. Thanks.”
“La donna è mobile
Qual piuma al vento
Muta d'accento
E di pensiero
Sempre un amabile
Leggiadro viso
In pianto o in riso
È mensognero”
Qual piuma al vento
Muta d'accento
E di pensiero
Sempre un amabile
Leggiadro viso
In pianto o in riso
È mensognero”
November 9, 2025 at 7:54 PM
“La donna è mobile
Qual piuma al vento
Muta d'accento
E di pensiero
Sempre un amabile
Leggiadro viso
In pianto o in riso
È mensognero”
Qual piuma al vento
Muta d'accento
E di pensiero
Sempre un amabile
Leggiadro viso
In pianto o in riso
È mensognero”
“I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
November 8, 2025 at 10:37 PM
“I feel pretty,
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
Oh, so pretty,
I feel pretty and witty and bright,
And I pity
Any undead warrior who isn't me tonight.”
A picture from rehearsals for my new musical CUJO!
“Don’t you know
I’m Cujo
I ain’t no Joe Blow
No you can’t go
Cause I’ve gone psycho!
I got the rabies
Now I’m gonna eat your babies
Even a case of scabies
Ain’t gonna stop me!”
“Don’t you know
I’m Cujo
I ain’t no Joe Blow
No you can’t go
Cause I’ve gone psycho!
I got the rabies
Now I’m gonna eat your babies
Even a case of scabies
Ain’t gonna stop me!”
November 8, 2025 at 2:18 AM
A picture from rehearsals for my new musical CUJO!
“Don’t you know
I’m Cujo
I ain’t no Joe Blow
No you can’t go
Cause I’ve gone psycho!
I got the rabies
Now I’m gonna eat your babies
Even a case of scabies
Ain’t gonna stop me!”
“Don’t you know
I’m Cujo
I ain’t no Joe Blow
No you can’t go
Cause I’ve gone psycho!
I got the rabies
Now I’m gonna eat your babies
Even a case of scabies
Ain’t gonna stop me!”
“Hey guys, great you could make it. Just pop your weapons in the basket, I got pizza cooking, beer in the fridge, and the latest module of ‘Suburbs & Cities’ ready to play.”
“What’s it called?”
“The Terror of the Traffic Jam.”
“What’s it called?”
“The Terror of the Traffic Jam.”
November 6, 2025 at 12:10 PM
“Hey guys, great you could make it. Just pop your weapons in the basket, I got pizza cooking, beer in the fridge, and the latest module of ‘Suburbs & Cities’ ready to play.”
“What’s it called?”
“The Terror of the Traffic Jam.”
“What’s it called?”
“The Terror of the Traffic Jam.”
“What the fuck is wrong with you! I knock on your door, tell you that dinner’s ready, and now I have a bullet in my shoulder! —Billy, call 911, we need ambulances and cops, Mommy’s off her meds again!”
November 6, 2025 at 11:42 AM
“What the fuck is wrong with you! I knock on your door, tell you that dinner’s ready, and now I have a bullet in my shoulder! —Billy, call 911, we need ambulances and cops, Mommy’s off her meds again!”
“Look out the window Sonya, the sun’s already down, and I’ve transformed into a monster at 5:30. I hate it when daylight savings time happens.”
“At least you don’t have run around & reset all the clocks.”
“Sorry about that honey, but my claws would scratch the antique pieces.”
“At least you don’t have run around & reset all the clocks.”
“Sorry about that honey, but my claws would scratch the antique pieces.”
November 4, 2025 at 8:22 PM
“Look out the window Sonya, the sun’s already down, and I’ve transformed into a monster at 5:30. I hate it when daylight savings time happens.”
“At least you don’t have run around & reset all the clocks.”
“Sorry about that honey, but my claws would scratch the antique pieces.”
“At least you don’t have run around & reset all the clocks.”
“Sorry about that honey, but my claws would scratch the antique pieces.”