7yo (excitedly opening birthday gift): "It's a Minecraft book!"

Me (adding context to counter the banality of evil): "You know, he wrote that while he was in prison after a failed attempt to seize power called the Beer Hall Putsch."

My wife (looking very angry): "MineCRAFT!"

The Sistine chapel was painted by Signor Buonarotti, but we know him as Michelangelo. Imagine being so good at your job that your first name becomes a synonym for excellence!
"Wow, this accounting spreadsheet is incredible. It's like a Margaret!"
"This cake tastes like a Steve!"

I tried to set up a company to rival the success of Dollar Shave Club. I have no idea why my business, Euro Grooming Gang, hasn't been so popular.

I massively cut back on social media as those other sites became petri-dishes for AI crap and extremist rants.
Still cancer-free but seemingly never far from fairly major surgery, things are pretty good now, so let's see how this goes.

Maybe you shouldn't say "keep positive" or "stay strong" to someone having cancer treatment.
Here's why: 🧵1/

An ex-politician named Gaetz
Paid for taking minors on daetz.
He'd have been protected
If he were elected
As Pres. of the United Staetz.

www.bbc.com/news/article...

In 2016, the world watched the USA shoot itself in the foot.
In recent years, we thought it was healing.
Turns out they were just reloading.

He ran Abercrombie & Fitch
But now has a new wardrobe which
Includes orange slacks
With holes cut out the backs
So cellmates can make him their...

www.bbc.com/news/article...

I want to follow 200 accounts. Who should I start with and why?

On the eve of battle, Achilles goes to sleep, believing heel be alright.
Meanwhile, Hector kisses his wife goodnight, saying
"We'll always have Paris."

Is this where I should be instead of Twixter?