fesshole 🧻
@fesshole.bsky.social
98K followers 3 following 11K posts
Confess your sins anonymously - will the internet absolve you? Buy show tickets 2025: sites.google.com/view/fesshole Add confession forms.gle/qqBxEsJ31Uawv6EY7 Buy book amazon.co.uk/s?k=very+best+of+fesshole&tag=b3ta-21 Run @robmanuelyeah.bsky.social
Posts Media Videos Starter Packs
fesshole.bsky.social
Walking to work in London, a trio of random Japanese tourists approached me excitedly, asked for a selfie with me and for my autograph, which I gave. I'm not famous and I have no idea who they thought I was.
fesshole.bsky.social
I dispatch orders for a large online shop, checking orders are packaged and addressed properly. People who put double spaces in their names & addresses get bumped to the back of the queue. Sometimes this delays their order for a week. Fuck the illiterate numpties.
fesshole.bsky.social
When I was a kid, i liked to pretend I was a dog like our Labrador. I noticed how when my mum took him on a walk he'd sniff other dog's bums, so one day I got curious and I sniffed my dog's bumhole. It smelled like farts and my mum caught me and took my DS away for a week.
fesshole.bsky.social
The washing wasn't dry and I had nothing to wear to walk our dog. I borrowed a pair of my wife's yoga pants. I just about fit in them and they have a thigh pocket for my phone. Nice! Saw myself in the mirror when we got back. We must now move to Scotland. So sorry.
fesshole.bsky.social
I'm a 47 year old straight bloke. I've taken to drinking in my local gay pub because the atmosphere is so much nicer. No screaming kids, no football wankers, just people having fun & enjoying each other's company.
fesshole.bsky.social
I'm 47 and my 40yo wife is 38 weeks pregnant. It was my idea. Every time my knees creak I think we may have done the wrong thing.
fesshole.bsky.social
Come to FESSHOLE LIVE to see people telling stuff like this in person

Next one is Worthing (West Sussex) - The Factory Live - 15th October 2025

Also available Leeds, Liverpool and an Anon Opin show in London
TICKETS --> sites.google.com/view/fesshole
People saying nice things in the reviews.
fesshole.bsky.social
Parents summoned to school when I was 11 as I'd handed in erotic fantasy for a writing assignment. Was into D&D. I perused mum's spicy romance for sentences and lazily changed names. E.g. "The Barbarian's prickly face chafed the warlock's soft loins." Great way to come out though
fesshole.bsky.social
Even though I never spoke to them, I miss the people who used to be regulars in my gym but one day just disappeared.
fesshole.bsky.social
Everyone wants to hear your secret. Send it via the form: https://forms.gle/qqBxEsJ31Uawv6EY7
fesshole.bsky.social
About 23 years ago I played marbles in school and lost. I then refused to hand over my marble to my winning classmate. It sounds small but I still think about it to this day and I'm riddled with guilt
fesshole.bsky.social
I appeared on University Challenge years ago. I didn't actually attend the university in question. I used to take short cuts through the campus and saw the notice for the try outs. Went along for a laugh and made the team. No one ever checked if I was actually a student there.
fesshole.bsky.social
Friend is a successful TV and film screenwriter. He gave me a writing credit for a film a few years ago as he reckoned it was inspired by a story I told him. It wasn't. No idea who told him the story but it wasn't me. I kept quiet though and it has basically paid off my mortgage.
fesshole.bsky.social
Was really craving a burger so spoke to the missus and we're going out on Friday. Didn't tell her I got the craving from watching a documentary on the Speedway Burger Chef murders.
fesshole.bsky.social
Significant other can't cook to save his life. Zero technique, zero flavour, zero cooking skill. "I like prawns and I like duck. Mix them together; fusion". No it fucking isn't, it's disgusting. I put leftovers in the freezer and then quietly throw them out on bin day.
fesshole.bsky.social
I always seal my kids discarded kinder egg capsules really tightly before I throw them out, as I assume future alien scientists will test the contents to determine what the composition of our atmosphere was like.
fesshole.bsky.social
There's a groove in my desk at work where I put a really long hair I plucked from my nostril. All my subsequent workplace nose plucks are measured up against it. If I ever get a longer one it shall unseat the current nose hair from its throne and become the new nose hair king.
fesshole.bsky.social
A few years back my college mates joked that I had never had sex, in a desperate need to prove them wrong I texted a few girls I did have sex with so they could back me up, still cringes me out to this day seeing the responses.
fesshole.bsky.social
Had a small online business selling vintage items and a repeat buyer who complained about everything; the prices, postage, packaging, even the post office. Anyway he bought a small vase yesterday and I parcelled it up to look like a huge cock and bollocks. Fuck him.
fesshole.bsky.social
My cat, who never sits on my lap, actually sat on my lap this morning. And is still there right now. I had to call in sick to work so he can sit on me as long as he wants.
fesshole.bsky.social
I'm a children's football coach. Have a kid who's awful and a total shit. He had his turn in goal last week and I've convinced his Dad that this is his forte. Means I get a keeper and the little shit is away from where he can do harm.
fesshole.bsky.social
Me to my new bride (who I had lived with for years): Your bridesmaid was hot in that dress
Her: Yeah she was
Me: We should get her in here
Her: Yessss!
* Many unsuccessful hours and drinks later *
Me: Well, it was worth a shot. Wanna shag? It's our wedding night
Her: zzzzz
fesshole.bsky.social
Used to travel with the same three guys monthly for work, fancied one of their wives so I "accidently" video called her to talk about their son's first day at new school whilst my colleague talked about his latest escort in the background. This week my stepson turned 16.
fesshole.bsky.social
My mum once caught me with a dumbell weight tied with string to my willy, in a naive, dangerous and fruitless attempt to lengthen it. I've never heard her laugh so hard for so long, and I still cringe whenever I remember it 30 years later. I hope she never told anyone.
fesshole.bsky.social
Years ago, as a youth coming home after a party, I put my used clothes in the laundry basket. Later, in my room, I found the "just in case" condom I had had in my pocket with a note "Found this in the washer. Suggest you bin it as it was on a hot cycle. Love Mum".