floorbread
@floorbread.bsky.social
the lawyer: sir you have an outstanding warrant for extradition
January 31, 2026 at 5:51 AM
the lawyer: sir you have an outstanding warrant for extradition
me: when possible, i try to use a featherboard on the table saw. it keeps a consistent pressure against the fence and helps prevent kickback.
australopithecus afarensis: i'm footpregnant with spongebob
australopithecus afarensis: i'm footpregnant with spongebob
January 31, 2026 at 5:18 AM
me: when possible, i try to use a featherboard on the table saw. it keeps a consistent pressure against the fence and helps prevent kickback.
australopithecus afarensis: i'm footpregnant with spongebob
australopithecus afarensis: i'm footpregnant with spongebob
gonna suggest this to the devs
January 26, 2026 at 2:53 AM
gonna suggest this to the devs
think your day was bad? try being in footlabor while the Cane's employee bangs on the bathroom door
January 26, 2026 at 2:52 AM
think your day was bad? try being in footlabor while the Cane's employee bangs on the bathroom door
[chudzilla peels the roof off of my house, my diary pages go flying]
NO!!! MY FLOW STATE!!!!!
NO!!! MY FLOW STATE!!!!!
January 23, 2026 at 5:53 PM
[chudzilla peels the roof off of my house, my diary pages go flying]
NO!!! MY FLOW STATE!!!!!
NO!!! MY FLOW STATE!!!!!
me, abandoning the cockpit of the passenger airplane i'm piloting, sirens blaring as the plane takes a dive, oxygen masks deploying from the overhead compartments: brb
January 22, 2026 at 1:10 AM
me, abandoning the cockpit of the passenger airplane i'm piloting, sirens blaring as the plane takes a dive, oxygen masks deploying from the overhead compartments: brb
"it aint gonna suck itself" i say to the powerful twink wizard, moments before he in fact alters reality and physics to make it somehow suck itself
January 18, 2026 at 5:15 AM
"it aint gonna suck itself" i say to the powerful twink wizard, moments before he in fact alters reality and physics to make it somehow suck itself
how bout no november november
we just skip it
we just skip it
October 30, 2025 at 6:36 PM
how bout no november november
we just skip it
we just skip it
heads up guys no newel november is coming up. FUCK this is BAD NEWS for the staircase i was going to build, which would have included a newel (which, again, is a post at the head or the foot of a flight of stairs, just to clarify)
October 30, 2025 at 6:35 PM
heads up guys no newel november is coming up. FUCK this is BAD NEWS for the staircase i was going to build, which would have included a newel (which, again, is a post at the head or the foot of a flight of stairs, just to clarify)
challenge: no dissection december (you can't dissect anything for the WHOLE MONTH)
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
September 6, 2025 at 6:03 AM
challenge: no dissection december (you can't dissect anything for the WHOLE MONTH)
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
challenge: no octagon october (you can't make anything octagonal for the entire month)
challenge: no newel november (you cannot build any stairs with newels (the post at the head or foot of a flight of stairs))
Reposted by floorbread
Telling the barber "do whatever, nothing matters"
August 21, 2025 at 2:43 PM
Telling the barber "do whatever, nothing matters"
Reposted by floorbread
Thank you for your email. I am currently out-of-body, remote viewing Io, Jupiter's innermost moon. My detached consciousness will have limited access to email during this time.
August 22, 2025 at 10:49 PM
Thank you for your email. I am currently out-of-body, remote viewing Io, Jupiter's innermost moon. My detached consciousness will have limited access to email during this time.
i mod minecraft to simulate being as far away from texas as possible
August 18, 2025 at 12:33 AM
i mod minecraft to simulate being as far away from texas as possible
things i have buttdialed:
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
August 15, 2025 at 4:35 AM
things i have buttdialed:
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
1. discord invite to my brother for my friend group server
2. texted my girlfriend's brother christmas-themed kirby fanart
3. saved an image of garfield as an anime schoolgirl my sister texted me, navigated to tiktok, created a new post, selected the image, and posted it
upon review, the final line of Humpty Dumpty doesn't necessarily convey that they tried to fix him, just that they couldn't. i always figured it was fair to assume they tried but i guess it's technically possible they didn't. im sorry for spreading misinformation.
August 9, 2025 at 2:37 AM
upon review, the final line of Humpty Dumpty doesn't necessarily convey that they tried to fix him, just that they couldn't. i always figured it was fair to assume they tried but i guess it's technically possible they didn't. im sorry for spreading misinformation.
god what the fuck was humpty dumpty THINKING
August 8, 2025 at 6:38 PM
god what the fuck was humpty dumpty THINKING
frankly, all the king's horses and all the king's men were ridiculous for even trying
August 8, 2025 at 6:31 PM
frankly, all the king's horses and all the king's men were ridiculous for even trying
the frequency at which another tenant, often tragically by the elevator, turns a corner, is somehow surprised to see someone, and then their dog(s) unload a 100-decibel salvo of barks at me, killing dozens of inner hair cells from my cochlea and slightly ruining my day — is astonishing
August 3, 2025 at 8:40 PM
the frequency at which another tenant, often tragically by the elevator, turns a corner, is somehow surprised to see someone, and then their dog(s) unload a 100-decibel salvo of barks at me, killing dozens of inner hair cells from my cochlea and slightly ruining my day — is astonishing
these drilled and slotted rotors are gonna look so gas on the shitbox with failing clearcoat and scratches fucking everywhere from running over brush
July 30, 2025 at 4:01 AM
these drilled and slotted rotors are gonna look so gas on the shitbox with failing clearcoat and scratches fucking everywhere from running over brush
nbs are so unrealistic. babe stop comparing me to regular convex 4-polytopes like the 16-cell. we only have three spatial dimensions and ur acting fucking crazy.
July 17, 2025 at 3:48 PM
nbs are so unrealistic. babe stop comparing me to regular convex 4-polytopes like the 16-cell. we only have three spatial dimensions and ur acting fucking crazy.
men — STOP using weaponized incompetence.
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
July 17, 2025 at 2:17 AM
men — STOP using weaponized incompetence.
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
instead, use Weaponized Incontinence
just shit yoursel,f
watch out, babe! I'm gonna go king mode!
July 4, 2025 at 5:19 PM
watch out, babe! I'm gonna go king mode!
gee wilikers, thanks for going goblin mode on the king, babe
July 4, 2025 at 5:19 PM
gee wilikers, thanks for going goblin mode on the king, babe
hit a speed bump too hard and the whole strut tower snapped off and went into my pussy, doctor! i swear!
April 18, 2025 at 2:18 AM
hit a speed bump too hard and the whole strut tower snapped off and went into my pussy, doctor! i swear!