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Folly Times
@follytimes.com
39 followers 12 following 430 posts
๐Ÿ”— https://follytimes.com

Your Breaking Not News Source. Where fact meets fiction. Informing the misinformed, one absurdity at a time. In Stultitia, Fiducia.
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โŒ ๐Œ๐ข๐ค๐ž ๐‰๐จ๐ก๐ง๐ฌ๐จ๐ง ๐–๐š๐ซ๐ง๐ฌ ๐๐จ๐ฉ๐ž ๐“๐ก๐š๐ญ ๐Œ๐ž๐ซ๐œ๐ฒ ๐‚๐จ๐ฎ๐ฅ๐ ๐”๐ง๐๐ž๐ซ๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐ž ๐๐จ๐ซ๐๐ž๐ซ ๐’๐ž๐œ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ข๐ญ๐ฒ

Mercy described as reckless. Enforcement praised as loving.

follytimes.com/tfjq
Mike Johnson Warns Pope That Mercy Could Undermine Border Security | Folly Times
House Speaker Mike Johnson issued a warning that unchecked mercy could threaten border security. He explained that compassion must operate within defined limits. Officials agreed the clarification res...
follytimes.com
February 5, 2026 at 3:02 PM
follytimes.com
๐๐ข๐ค๐ž ๐‚๐จ๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐ˆ๐ง๐ฏ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ข๐ ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง ๐–๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐ˆ๐ญ ๐ƒ๐ข๐ฌ๐œ๐ซ๐ข๐ฆ๐ข๐ง๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐‚๐จ๐ซ๐ซ๐ž๐œ๐ญ๐ฅ๐ฒ #DEI #NIKE

Nike says once investigators review the data, theyโ€™ll understand discrimination wasnโ€™t a problemโ€”it was the solution.
Nike Confident Investigation Will Prove It Discriminated Correctly | Folly Times
Nike responded to a federal subpoena by thanking the government for believing in the process. Company leaders said the investigation will confirm Nikeโ€™s choices were correct, by definition. Regulators...
follytimes.com
February 4, 2026 at 10:27 PM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿคฅ ๐๐š๐ง๐œ๐ฒ ๐Œ๐š๐œ๐ž ๐ƒ๐ž๐œ๐ฅ๐š๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ ๐‡๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ๐ž๐ฅ๐Ÿ ๐Œ๐ž๐๐ข๐œ๐š๐ฅ๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐ˆ๐ง๐œ๐š๐ฉ๐š๐›๐ฅ๐ž ๐Ž๐Ÿ ๐‹๐ฒ๐ข๐ง๐ , ๐ˆ๐ฆ๐ฆ๐ž๐๐ข๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐‹๐ข๐ž๐ฌ

Doctors report confidence remains stable. Facts were not considered. follytimes.com/mjky
Nancy Mace Declares Herself Medically Incapable Of Lying, Immediately Lies | Folly Times
Representative Nancy Mace cited medical science to explain why she cannot lie, then immediately contradicted herself. Doctors say the pattern fits a known condition. โ€” Satire news from The Folly Times...
follytimes.com
February 4, 2026 at 5:25 PM
follytimes.com
๐‚๐ซ๐š๐œ๐ค๐ž๐ซ ๐๐š๐ซ๐ซ๐ž๐ฅ ๐‹๐จ๐ ๐จ ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ง๐ ๐ž ๐“๐ซ๐ข๐ ๐ ๐ž๐ซ๐ž๐ ๐Œ๐จ๐ซ๐ž ๐€๐ง๐ ๐ž๐ซ ๐“๐ก๐š๐ง ๐„๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ข๐ง ๐…๐ข๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ #MAGA #EpsteinFiles

The Epstein files were โ€œcomplicated.โ€
The Cracker Barrel logo was personal.

Read โคต๏ธ
follytimes.com/ds2k
Cracker Barrel Logo Change Triggered More Anger Than Epstein Files | Folly Times
Public reaction made one thing clear. Restaurant branding changes now outperform scandal disclosures in emotional engagement. โ€” Satire news from The Folly Times. Breaking absurd updates with politics,...
follytimes.com
February 4, 2026 at 3:38 PM
follytimes.com
๐Œ๐€๐†๐€ ๐‚๐ซ๐ž๐š๐ญ๐ž๐ฌ ๐‚๐จ๐ฎ๐ง๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐‡๐š๐ฅ๐Ÿ๐ญ๐ข๐ฆ๐ž ๐’๐ก๐จ๐ฐ ๐“๐จ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ญ๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ ๐†๐š๐ฆ๐ž ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฒ ๐€๐ซ๐ž ๐๐จ๐ญ ๐–๐š๐ญ๐œ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ 

The protest, sponsored by Bud Light, will air during halftime of the game they stopped watching years ago. #SuperBowl

Read Here ๐Ÿ‘‰ follytimes.com/dpom
February 3, 2026 at 1:16 AM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿฆ ๐“๐จ๐ฐ๐ง ๐’๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐๐ฌ ๐’๐ฉ๐ซ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐”๐ง๐ญ๐ข๐ฅ ๐€๐ฎ๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ซ๐ข๐ณ๐ž๐ ๐‘๐š๐œ๐œ๐จ๐จ๐ง ๐€๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ž๐š๐ซ๐ฌ

Town officials say relying on a stupid groundhog with a 50/50 record is โ€œno longer weather, just gambling with fur.โ€ #GroundhogDay2026

Read: follytimes.com/vdyn
Prophecy Raccoon Weather Ritual Delayed After Rusty Fails To Report | Folly Times
A missing raccoon has delayed a small townโ€™s annual weather ritual. Officials say the process matters more than the animal. Winter remains in effect until compliance is restored. โ€” Satire news from Th...
follytimes.com
February 2, 2026 at 2:55 PM
follytimes.com
๐‚๐จ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐š๐ง๐ฒ ๐€๐ฌ๐ฌ๐ฎ๐ซ๐ž๐ฌ ๐”๐ฌ๐ž๐ซ๐ฌ ๐๐ž๐ฐ ๐”๐ฉ๐๐š๐ญ๐ž ๐Ž๐ง๐ฅ๐ฒ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ค๐ž ๐“๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ ๐“๐ž๐ฆ๐ฉ๐จ๐ซ๐š๐ซ๐ข๐ฅ๐ฒ

Engineers confirm functionality will return once users stop asking questions so they can update the update.

Read Here: follytimes.com/clqd
New Update Broke Things Until Next Update, Company Confirms | Folly Times
After the latest release caused widespread confusion, the company assured users the new update broke things temporarily. Officials say progress depends on accepting instability as a feature, not a fla...
follytimes.com
February 1, 2026 at 2:48 PM
follytimes.com
๐„๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ข๐ง ๐…๐ข๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ ๐‚๐จ๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐ซ๐ฆ ๐๐จ๐ญ๐ก๐ข๐ง๐  ๐‡๐š๐ฌ ๐‚๐ก๐š๐ง๐ ๐ž๐

Officials confirmed the files still do not contain Biden or Obama after checking every version, copy, and screenshot of nothing. #EpsteinFiles #Trump

Read Here: follytimes.com/xeik
Epstein Files Undergo Review To Confirm Biden And Obama Still Missing | Folly Times
Federal officials expanded review procedures to confirm that Joe Biden and Barack Obama remain absent from the Epstein files. The process treats omission as an active condition requiring oversight. Au...
follytimes.com
January 31, 2026 at 8:15 PM
follytimes.com
๐Ž๐Ÿ๐Ÿ๐ข๐œ๐ข๐š๐ฅ๐ฌ ๐‚๐จ๐ซ๐ซ๐ž๐œ๐ญ ๐„๐ฉ๐ฌ๐ญ๐ž๐ข๐ง ๐…๐ข๐ฅ๐ž๐ฌ ๐๐ฒ ๐ƒ๐ž๐ฅ๐ž๐ญ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ฆ

Agencies confirm files mentioning President Donald Trump were removed after the public โ€œnoticed them incorrectly.โ€

Read More:โคต๏ธ
follytimes.com/hwfi
Epstein Files Referencing Trump Were Never Meant To Be Seen | Folly Times
Federal officials moved quickly after Epstein-related documents referencing Donald Trump appeared online. They stressed the files were never intended for public view and said their removal resolved th...
follytimes.com
January 31, 2026 at 3:18 PM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿฆ ๐“๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ ๐’๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐…๐ž๐ ๐ˆ๐ง๐๐ž๐ฉ๐ž๐ง๐๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐–๐จ๐ซ๐ค๐ฌ ๐๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ ๐–๐ก๐ž๐ง ๐ˆ๐ญ ๐€๐ ๐ซ๐ž๐ž๐ฌ

White House officials confirm disagreement with Donald Trump is a leading cause of economic uncertainty. #FederalReserve #KevinWarsh

Read Here: follytimes.com/oaib
January 30, 2026 at 2:49 PM
follytimes.com
๐“๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ ๐’๐ฎ๐ž๐ฌ ๐†๐จ๐ฏ๐ž๐ซ๐ง๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐…๐จ๐ซ ๐…๐š๐ข๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐“๐จ ๐”๐ง๐ค๐ง๐จ๐ฐ ๐“๐ก๐ข๐ง๐ ๐ฌ

The IRS admits it may have known too much about Donald Trump and his family. #IRS #Trump

www.follytimes.com/olgm
Trump Praised For Holding Government Accountable For Knowing Too Much | Folly Times
President Donald Trump and his sons are praised for correcting what aides describe as excessive government knowledge. Officials say awareness crossed a line. โ€” Satire news from The Folly Times. Breaki...
follytimes.com
January 30, 2026 at 12:57 AM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿ–ผ๏ธ White House Artwork Praised For Courageously Putting Donald Trump's Ego Over Country #Trump #PutinPuppet

follytimes.com/8oy2
White House Artwork Praised For Courageously Putting Ego Over Country | Folly Times
The White House has installed new artwork that reflects updated leadership priorities. Officials describe the move as efficient and clear. Public response was not a deciding factor. โ€” Satire news from...
follytimes.com
January 29, 2026 at 5:25 PM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿฅ— ๐€๐ง๐ญ๐ก๐จ๐ง๐ฒ ๐Š๐š๐ณ๐ฆ๐ข๐ž๐ซ๐œ๐ณ๐š๐ค ๐‚๐ซ๐ž๐๐ข๐ญ๐ž๐ ๐…๐จ๐ซ ๐’๐ก๐จ๐ฐ๐ข๐ง๐  ๐‘๐ž๐ฌ๐ญ๐ซ๐š๐ข๐ง๐ญ

Vinegar Confirmed, Threat Downgraded. Authorities note stronger acids were available but not selected.

Read More www.follytimes.com/vhhp
Vinegar Town Hall Attack Praised As Model Of Restraint | Folly Times
Officials responded to a vinegar town hall attack involving Anthony Kazmierczak and Rep. Ilhan Omar by praising restraint and system resilience. The incident caused minimal disruption and reinforced c...
follytimes.com
January 28, 2026 at 9:11 PM
follytimes.com
โŒ ๐€๐ฆ๐š๐ณ๐จ๐ง ๐‚๐จ๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐…๐ž๐ฐ๐ž๐ซ ๐‡๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง๐ฌ ๐–๐ข๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐ˆ๐ฆ๐ฉ๐ซ๐จ๐ฏ๐ž ๐‡๐ฎ๐ฆ๐š๐ง ๐‚๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐š๐›๐จ๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง

Executives confirm teamwork accelerates once most people stop participating. follytimes.com/5q4h
Amazon Job Cuts Will Improve Human Collaboration, Company Confirms | Folly Times
Amazon says recent job cuts improved collaboration across the company. Executives claim fewer people speed up alignment. Leadership confirms the system works as designed. โ€” Satire news from The Folly ...
follytimes.com
January 28, 2026 at 6:20 PM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿ“‰ ๐“๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ ๐’๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐ƒ๐จ๐ฅ๐ฅ๐š๐ซ ๐ƒ๐ž๐œ๐ฅ๐ข๐ง๐ž ๐’๐ก๐จ๐ฐ๐ฌ ๐‚๐จ๐ง๐Ÿ๐ข๐๐ž๐ง๐œ๐ž ๐ˆ๐ง ๐”.๐’. ๐„๐œ๐จ๐ง๐จ๐ฆ๐ฒ

Officials confirmed the number going down is operating as designed.

Read More: follytimes.com/ov4v
Trump Says Dollar Decline Shows Confidence In U.S. Economy | Folly Times
The president says the dollarโ€™s decline proves confidence in the U.S. economy. Officials insist markets are responding correctly, just not upward. โ€” Satire news from The Folly Times. Breaking absurd u...
follytimes.com
January 28, 2026 at 12:35 AM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿˆ ๐๐ซ๐จ๐ฐ๐ง๐ฌ ๐๐ฎ๐š๐ซ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ๐›๐š๐œ๐ค ๐๐š๐ฆ๐ž๐ ๐๐ซ๐จ ๐๐จ๐ฐ๐ฅ๐ž๐ซ ๐€๐Ÿ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐‹๐ž๐š๐๐ข๐ง๐  ๐€๐…๐‚ ๐ˆ๐ง โ€˜๐๐ž๐ข๐ง๐  ๐“๐ก๐ž๐ซ๐žโ€™

Shedeur Sanders with his 7 TD and 10 INT season is an #NFL Pro Bowler.

Read: follytimes.com/bshd/
Browns Quarterback Pro Bowler After Leading AFC In Being There | Folly Times
The NFL awarded Pro Bowl recognition to a Browns quarterback after availability reshaped the AFC field. Officials confirmed the process worked as designed. โ€” Satire news from The Folly Times. Breaking...
follytimes.com
January 26, 2026 at 8:38 PM
follytimes.com
โ€œWe did an incredible job on crime. Many people are saying the best ever. Crime went so low people didnโ€™t know what to complain about anymore. So we had to give them something. Otherwise they get very angry. Very unhappy. You have to keep them busy.โ€ โ€” Donald Trump
January 26, 2026 at 3:40 PM
follytimes.com
๐“๐ซ๐ฎ๐ฆ๐ฉ ๐’๐š๐ฒ๐ฌ ๐‚๐ซ๐ข๐ฆ๐ž ๐…๐ž๐ฅ๐ฅ ๐’๐จ ๐Œ๐ฎ๐œ๐ก ๐‡๐ž ๐‡๐š๐ ๐ญ๐จ โ€œ๐’๐ฎ๐ฉ๐ฉ๐ฅ๐ž๐ฆ๐ž๐ง๐ญ ๐ˆ๐ญโ€ ๐–๐ข๐ญ๐ก ๐ˆ๐‚๐„ ๐Ž๐ฉ๐ž๐ซ๐š๐ญ๐ข๐จ๐ง๐ฌ

Read Here: follytimes.com/zskw
Crime Fell So Much Trump Says ICE Had To โ€œSupplement Itโ€ | Folly Times
With crime falling at record levels, federal officials confirmed the need to rebalance enforcement activity. The administration described the move as a technical adjustment, not a policy shift. โ€” Sati...
follytimes.com
January 26, 2026 at 3:40 PM
follytimes.com
When the principle is solid, but the memory is selective.

Kaitlan: ''So you agree that people who break in and vandalize a building should be prosecuted?''

JD Vance: โ€˜โ€™Exactlyโ€™โ€™

Kaitlan: ''Ok, I'm just checking, because you did help raise money for people who did so on January 6thโ€ฆโ€™โ€™
January 26, 2026 at 3:34 AM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿˆ Steelers Rush To Hire Mike McCarthy Despite No One Else Trying To

Pittsburgh's front office feared someone might think too long.

Read Here: follytimes.com/u981
January 25, 2026 at 2:51 PM
follytimes.com
JOIN #ICE or #DIE - sad but seems true.
January 24, 2026 at 9:55 PM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿค– ๐“๐ž๐ฌ๐ฅ๐š ๐๐ฎ๐ข๐ฅ๐๐ฌ ๐‘๐จ๐›๐จ๐ญ ๐•๐š๐œ๐ฎ๐ฎ๐ฆ ๐ญ๐จ ๐‚๐ฅ๐ž๐š๐ง ๐”๐ฉ ๐€๐Ÿ๐ญ๐ž๐ซ ๐„๐ฅ๐จ๐ง ๐Œ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ค

Deployment begins immediately following any of his statements. Read Here: follytimes.com/ax4g
January 24, 2026 at 4:23 PM
follytimes.com
โš ๏ธ EMERGENCY ADVISORY FOR TEXAS

Once Ted Cruz's luggage appears, Texas prepares accordingly. #DejaNoClueCruz #WinterStormFern

Read More: follytimes.com/39kj
January 23, 2026 at 5:03 PM
follytimes.com
Really thoughtful article.

Heated Rivalry shows how powerful visibility can be. Hereโ€™s hoping the NHL starts making the real rink feel just as safe (again).
January 23, 2026 at 3:41 PM
follytimes.com
๐Ÿฅถ TRUMP ADMIN BEGINS PAPERWORK TO RENAME GLOBAL WARMING โ€œGLOBAL COLDINGโ€

Cites successful Gulf of Mexico rebrand to Gulf of America as inspiration. #GulfofAmerica #GlobalColding

Read More: follytimes.com/qf0i
January 23, 2026 at 3:33 PM