Stuart Millard
@franticplanet.bsky.social
Monthly Patreon thread. As always, first month's free as I won't charge until March. Tiers start at £1, with 915,000+ written words plus hours of audio/video
There's three videos this month, one of which will be Patreon exclusive
Here's a public index of all the posts:
patreon.com/posts/26784352
There's three videos this month, one of which will be Patreon exclusive
Here's a public index of all the posts:
patreon.com/posts/26784352
February 1, 2026 at 1:29 PM
Monthly Patreon thread. As always, first month's free as I won't charge until March. Tiers start at £1, with 915,000+ written words plus hours of audio/video
There's three videos this month, one of which will be Patreon exclusive
Here's a public index of all the posts:
patreon.com/posts/26784352
There's three videos this month, one of which will be Patreon exclusive
Here's a public index of all the posts:
patreon.com/posts/26784352
Christmas is over when I say it's over! Clambering over its Patreon paywall and now available for all, it's your fifth annual Selection Box video.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX-M...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX-M...
Millard's Christmas Selection Box V
YouTube video by Stuart Millard
www.youtube.com
January 29, 2026 at 5:18 PM
Christmas is over when I say it's over! Clambering over its Patreon paywall and now available for all, it's your fifth annual Selection Box video.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX-M...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX-M...
A pal has been re-editing the Saw franchise, but dubbed entirely with dialogue, music and sound effects from the Carry On films
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFT_...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFT_...
Carry On Sawing - Part One
YouTube video by Mart Olliver
www.youtube.com
January 28, 2026 at 8:37 AM
A pal has been re-editing the Saw franchise, but dubbed entirely with dialogue, music and sound effects from the Carry On films
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFT_...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFT_...
The last year or so has been a creeping realisation that I am quite, quite autistic and everyone was aware of this but me.
January 27, 2026 at 9:07 AM
The last year or so has been a creeping realisation that I am quite, quite autistic and everyone was aware of this but me.
Until the television was invented 100 years ago, people's impressions of Benny from Crossroads went completely unseen.
January 26, 2026 at 9:23 PM
Until the television was invented 100 years ago, people's impressions of Benny from Crossroads went completely unseen.
"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell some bristols and maybe a bum!"
A Godzilla-sized Sid James celebrating the last season of Bless This House, this week 50 years ago.
January 25, 2026 at 11:48 AM
"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell some bristols and maybe a bum!"
Unknowingly filmed by a TikToker wearing Smart Glasses as he repeatedly interrupted his own anecdote with jokes about being so small he "baths in an eggcup" and "recently flew to Spain... on the back of a bluebottle"
January 24, 2026 at 10:36 AM
Unknowingly filmed by a TikToker wearing Smart Glasses as he repeatedly interrupted his own anecdote with jokes about being so small he "baths in an eggcup" and "recently flew to Spain... on the back of a bluebottle"
People in the 80s loved to see Crocodile Dundee kneeling down to lift up the toilet lid and post his turds through. "Is this how you use one of these things, mate? A normal bloke like me usually leaves me stinko's where they fall."
January 23, 2026 at 5:54 PM
People in the 80s loved to see Crocodile Dundee kneeling down to lift up the toilet lid and post his turds through. "Is this how you use one of these things, mate? A normal bloke like me usually leaves me stinko's where they fall."
I'm Gef the Rappin' Mongoose
And I'm here to say
I'm living in your walls
In a sinister way
And I'm here to say
I'm living in your walls
In a sinister way
January 21, 2026 at 2:04 PM
I'm Gef the Rappin' Mongoose
And I'm here to say
I'm living in your walls
In a sinister way
And I'm here to say
I'm living in your walls
In a sinister way
Another day spent pissed off I'm not a character in an E. F. Benson ghost story titting around an enormous country house a hundred years ago while some lurking unnamed horror prepares to give me a bally big fright in my bedchambers.
January 21, 2026 at 8:58 AM
Another day spent pissed off I'm not a character in an E. F. Benson ghost story titting around an enormous country house a hundred years ago while some lurking unnamed horror prepares to give me a bally big fright in my bedchambers.
Not to be an arse, but the written pieces will probably stay on Patreon now. The blog gets thousands of hits every month from AI bots scraping for 'learning', and I *really hate* the idea of them feeding my work into their plagiarism machines.
This month's essay goes back to the days before Cilla Black got reclassified as a light entertainment cryptid, traversing the extremely badly-titled sitcom anthology series Cilla's World of Comedy.
www.patreon.com/franticplanet
www.patreon.com/franticplanet
January 19, 2026 at 4:02 PM
Not to be an arse, but the written pieces will probably stay on Patreon now. The blog gets thousands of hits every month from AI bots scraping for 'learning', and I *really hate* the idea of them feeding my work into their plagiarism machines.
Reposted by Stuart Millard
Here he is with Rachel Reeves.
January 19, 2026 at 11:12 AM
Here he is with Rachel Reeves.
Starmer loved adverts for cereal or McDonalds where a British kid did an American accent. "They're such cool dudes!" he said, skateboarding round the podium in a big basketball top.
January 19, 2026 at 11:06 AM
Starmer loved adverts for cereal or McDonalds where a British kid did an American accent. "They're such cool dudes!" he said, skateboarding round the podium in a big basketball top.
Reposted by Stuart Millard
26 and a bit years ago, the best breakfast show on TV did an overnight Millennium Eve edition, its a good job it was on Channel 4 because of some of the content and @franticplanet.bsky.social has brought it back for us, and can I just say, Richard Bacon, what a twat!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
Y2K Wahey: The Big Breakfast Millennium Marathon
YouTube video by Stuart Millard
www.youtube.com
January 16, 2026 at 6:42 PM
26 and a bit years ago, the best breakfast show on TV did an overnight Millennium Eve edition, its a good job it was on Channel 4 because of some of the content and @franticplanet.bsky.social has brought it back for us, and can I just say, Richard Bacon, what a twat!
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
Y2K? Wahey! Now available for all, my new video endures The Big Breakfast's nine-hour millennium night marathon.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
Y2K Wahey: The Big Breakfast Millennium Marathon
YouTube video by Stuart Millard
www.youtube.com
January 16, 2026 at 5:36 PM
Y2K? Wahey! Now available for all, my new video endures The Big Breakfast's nine-hour millennium night marathon.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
www.youtube.com/watch?v=1l6g...
The original Peggy Mitchell when she heard they'd recast.
In 2002 or 03 a Chicago public access cable channel aired this for at least a full half hour. No audio. I took a photo with a digital camera & that’s all the documentation I have. Anyone have any dirt?
January 16, 2026 at 9:35 AM
The original Peggy Mitchell when she heard they'd recast.
Dying and going to Hell and swearing you recognise someone but can't place from where, and he sighs and tells you he was the bloke in Garden of Earthly Delights with a bunch of flowers up his arse.
January 11, 2026 at 9:15 AM
Dying and going to Hell and swearing you recognise someone but can't place from where, and he sighs and tells you he was the bloke in Garden of Earthly Delights with a bunch of flowers up his arse.
Reposted by Stuart Millard
Dennis Waterman at the 1983 Logie Awards is very VERY clearly drunk, and he's got a feme tune to sing
January 10, 2026 at 11:43 AM
Dennis Waterman at the 1983 Logie Awards is very VERY clearly drunk, and he's got a feme tune to sing
Reposted by Stuart Millard
'SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES' CLOCK
Huge thanks for all of yesterday's orders for our new 'Schools and Colleges' clock. Last few available in the shop for shipping in February.
hiddenbritain.bigcartel.com/product/scho...
Huge thanks for all of yesterday's orders for our new 'Schools and Colleges' clock. Last few available in the shop for shipping in February.
hiddenbritain.bigcartel.com/product/scho...
January 10, 2026 at 12:03 PM
'SCHOOLS AND COLLEGES' CLOCK
Huge thanks for all of yesterday's orders for our new 'Schools and Colleges' clock. Last few available in the shop for shipping in February.
hiddenbritain.bigcartel.com/product/scho...
Huge thanks for all of yesterday's orders for our new 'Schools and Colleges' clock. Last few available in the shop for shipping in February.
hiddenbritain.bigcartel.com/product/scho...
Having to hide when you heard the rattle of the skeleton bus coming down your street.
Taping the letterbox down so they couldn't stick their arms in to feel around.
Trying to keep the dog quiet when your house was surrounded.
Taping the letterbox down so they couldn't stick their arms in to feel around.
Trying to keep the dog quiet when your house was surrounded.
Without revealing your actual age,what's something you remember that if you told a younger person they wouldn't understand?
January 9, 2026 at 12:58 PM
Having to hide when you heard the rattle of the skeleton bus coming down your street.
Taping the letterbox down so they couldn't stick their arms in to feel around.
Trying to keep the dog quiet when your house was surrounded.
Taping the letterbox down so they couldn't stick their arms in to feel around.
Trying to keep the dog quiet when your house was surrounded.
Reposted by Stuart Millard
This is great - well worth signing up to Stuart's Patreon for
Deadly earworm jingles, proper British dinners in tins, and milking Arthur Mullard. A month early for Patrons, a new video takes an extensive look at the omnipresent and ludicrously oversexed TV ads of the 1970s.
www.patreon.com/franticplanet
www.patreon.com/franticplanet
January 9, 2026 at 11:01 AM
This is great - well worth signing up to Stuart's Patreon for