Gareth Penn
@garethspenn.bsky.social
380 followers 1 following 2.7K posts
"Those who cannot remember George Santayana are condemned to misquote him." I asked a tour guide at San Simeon if the madonna above the main entrance of La Casa Grande was the one Dorothy Parker had written about, and he said, "Who's Dorothy Parker?"
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garethspenn.bsky.social
The Parity Principle requires that in a universe containing a race of Ballchinians there must also be a race of Vulvaneckians.
garethspenn.bsky.social
My baptismal certificate says I was relieved of the burden of Original Sin when I was three, but my cousin Val, who was there, says I dodged and weaved when the pastor tried to anoint me with a handful of municipal water and I didn't get wet. Fluoridation is not the only pathway to damnation.
garethspenn.bsky.social
Why is ICE arresting clarinet players when it should be arresting the editors of TIME?
garethspenn.bsky.social
I don't know which is worse, the vagina neck or the trapezoidal mouth.
garethspenn.bsky.social
You have to hand it to the Russians. They know snowflakes when they see them.
garethspenn.bsky.social
Don't downplay the homicidal potential of hordes of inflatable frogs!
garethspenn.bsky.social
I don't know what that is.
garethspenn.bsky.social
The objective is the exaltation of his master, Donald Trump, and that's a fact.
garethspenn.bsky.social
Everybody knows that Joe Friday's badge number is 714. No hiding behind a mask for him!
garethspenn.bsky.social
Since when do Marxists need to be paid? Marx was an unpaid volunteer who supported himself by writing for a New York newspaper, and Engels was a capitalist who could afford to be a hobby Communist.
garethspenn.bsky.social
OAN should change its name to OOAN (Only One America News).
garethspenn.bsky.social
The violent people who hate America express their violent hate of this country by wearing inflatable frog costumes and riding bicycles naked. It's a little-known form of unconventional warfare that is discussed in a lost chapter of Sun Tzu's Art of War.
garethspenn.bsky.social
Ford's Edsel was a commercial failure because an amazing number of consumers mysteriously showed up who didn't want to buy it. Hitler lost the war because an amazing number of enemy soldiers mysteriously showed up. I'm not king of the world because an amazing number of people mysteriously said no.
garethspenn.bsky.social
What percentage of young able-bodied men are unable to afford medical care because they play video games, and what percentage are not able to afford it because they simply don't earn enough at the jobs they report to 40 hours a week?
garethspenn.bsky.social
Glad to see that the Moses of Minden is hard at work on the nation's top priorities.
garethspenn.bsky.social
Scappa dallo stupratore, Giorgia!
garethspenn.bsky.social
An annual event in Seattle is the Fremont Solstice Parade, the highlight of which is a peloton of naked bicyclists. It isn't confined to Portland; it seems to be a general PNW sort of thing.
garethspenn.bsky.social
I remember when anyone participating in voter signups in Mississippi was an "outside agitator" (understood to be a synonym of "Jewish," "Communist," or both), because it was inconceivable that black people would want to end Jim Crow without being egged on by evil entities from some alien region.
garethspenn.bsky.social
It's the RFK Jr rewrite of The Masque of the Red Death.
garethspenn.bsky.social
One of the lesser-known clauses of the Third Law of Thermodynamics says that protests are impossible unless the protestors are paid. That's enough for me!