🪲johnny🪲 [recovery mode]
@gatorpond.bsky.social
late 30s queer disabled mixed race trans dude (he/they/it) making art & fursuits in arkansas
anticolonialist anarchist & not-a-white vegan
🔞no minors pls🔞
living in unceded Wazhazhe/Ugahxpa territory
https://gatorpond.carrd.com
anticolonialist anarchist & not-a-white vegan
🔞no minors pls🔞
living in unceded Wazhazhe/Ugahxpa territory
https://gatorpond.carrd.com
Pinned
i love you so much buddy. you will be so so missed. you saved my life and i'm sorry i couldn't return the favor. last picture i have of him from just a couple days ago.
just a pinned post to let everyone know what's going on. my dog passed unexpectedly on thurs night, so communications and work are slow. pls have patience with me. i'm not okay.
too many memories i'll never get to add to. it's bedtime.
November 27, 2025 at 5:28 AM
too many memories i'll never get to add to. it's bedtime.
Reposted by 🪲johnny🪲 [recovery mode]
November 15, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Reposted by 🪲johnny🪲 [recovery mode]
November 18, 2025 at 1:13 AM
Reposted by 🪲johnny🪲 [recovery mode]
long story short, life has been hellish for the past ~2 yrs. last week, my dog passed away unexpectedly & i am drowning in grief. my partner is working, but her job won't pay until mid dec. i have enough for rent but not much else. if anyone feels like helping, i'd greatly appreciate it.
Support johnny
Support johnny
ko-fi.com
November 26, 2025 at 2:10 PM
long story short, life has been hellish for the past ~2 yrs. last week, my dog passed away unexpectedly & i am drowning in grief. my partner is working, but her job won't pay until mid dec. i have enough for rent but not much else. if anyone feels like helping, i'd greatly appreciate it.
hoping to be done with woodburning comms by the weekend. gonna make some for my shop. and then i'm going to try to do one of the fursuits i owe. i'm trying. everything hurts and i am sad all the time, but i'm tired of being behind.
November 27, 2025 at 1:54 AM
hoping to be done with woodburning comms by the weekend. gonna make some for my shop. and then i'm going to try to do one of the fursuits i owe. i'm trying. everything hurts and i am sad all the time, but i'm tired of being behind.
any time i start to feel happy about anything, i remember he's gone and just crumble. i'm so tired.
November 26, 2025 at 11:12 PM
any time i start to feel happy about anything, i remember he's gone and just crumble. i'm so tired.
cleaned a bunch, organized some stuff... planned a necklace to carry ashes with me. cried a lot. gonna do some work now.
November 26, 2025 at 9:43 PM
cleaned a bunch, organized some stuff... planned a necklace to carry ashes with me. cried a lot. gonna do some work now.
Reposted by 🪲johnny🪲 [recovery mode]
i miss you.
November 23, 2025 at 4:12 PM
i miss you.
long story short, life has been hellish for the past ~2 yrs. last week, my dog passed away unexpectedly & i am drowning in grief. my partner is working, but her job won't pay until mid dec. i have enough for rent but not much else. if anyone feels like helping, i'd greatly appreciate it.
Support johnny
Support johnny
ko-fi.com
November 26, 2025 at 2:10 PM
long story short, life has been hellish for the past ~2 yrs. last week, my dog passed away unexpectedly & i am drowning in grief. my partner is working, but her job won't pay until mid dec. i have enough for rent but not much else. if anyone feels like helping, i'd greatly appreciate it.
for a split second upon waking i'm sure i'm going to roll over and see the dog coming to see if i'm up and then immediately remember he's gone. everything hurts. everything is worse. nothing can make this better.
November 26, 2025 at 12:20 PM
for a split second upon waking i'm sure i'm going to roll over and see the dog coming to see if i'm up and then immediately remember he's gone. everything hurts. everything is worse. nothing can make this better.
lineart done on both remaining woodburnings, starting details. then i'm going to start trying to put together a store restock for the coming week.
may have to ask for help. i just haven't been able to work like i need to cover bills bc of grief. i'm trying. i really am.
may have to ask for help. i just haven't been able to work like i need to cover bills bc of grief. i'm trying. i really am.
November 26, 2025 at 12:22 AM
lineart done on both remaining woodburnings, starting details. then i'm going to start trying to put together a store restock for the coming week.
may have to ask for help. i just haven't been able to work like i need to cover bills bc of grief. i'm trying. i really am.
may have to ask for help. i just haven't been able to work like i need to cover bills bc of grief. i'm trying. i really am.
local shelter reached out to ask if i'd foster instead of just doing walks, and honestly. sure. why not. i can train the dog for another adopter. but not yet. maybe in a couple weeks. i'm still too raw.
November 25, 2025 at 8:38 PM
local shelter reached out to ask if i'd foster instead of just doing walks, and honestly. sure. why not. i can train the dog for another adopter. but not yet. maybe in a couple weeks. i'm still too raw.
i'm sitting in the opthalmologist waiting for a follow up in my scratched cornea and if they don't hurry up i'm going to start fucking crying in this waiting room. god pls just let me get this over with.
November 25, 2025 at 4:33 PM
i'm sitting in the opthalmologist waiting for a follow up in my scratched cornea and if they don't hurry up i'm going to start fucking crying in this waiting room. god pls just let me get this over with.
i dread waking up every morning now bc he used to make me cuddle him for 10 mins every day by bringing me a toy and squeaking it in my face until i gave in. i hated it sometimes when i was tired but i'd give anything to have it happen again.
November 25, 2025 at 12:19 PM
i dread waking up every morning now bc he used to make me cuddle him for 10 mins every day by bringing me a toy and squeaking it in my face until i gave in. i hated it sometimes when i was tired but i'd give anything to have it happen again.
finished a woodburning, just 2 to go. gonna be stocking my shop with some premade stuff sporadically so i can hopefully focus on finishing all my queue without taking more comms. i can't really afford to just take time off, so i'm just. doing what i can.
November 25, 2025 at 3:21 AM
finished a woodburning, just 2 to go. gonna be stocking my shop with some premade stuff sporadically so i can hopefully focus on finishing all my queue without taking more comms. i can't really afford to just take time off, so i'm just. doing what i can.
realizing over the last 3 days i've eaten maybe 2 meals' worth of food and i still just. do not want to eat. i would doordash something but it's too early for anywhere i can eat to be open and also money. i'm just. sitting.
November 24, 2025 at 2:10 PM
realizing over the last 3 days i've eaten maybe 2 meals' worth of food and i still just. do not want to eat. i would doordash something but it's too early for anywhere i can eat to be open and also money. i'm just. sitting.
headshots i owe are officially on hold for now bc i can't bring myself to draw happy expressions. i just can't do it.
November 24, 2025 at 1:57 PM
headshots i owe are officially on hold for now bc i can't bring myself to draw happy expressions. i just can't do it.
i get out of bed, i take a shower and do my scar care, and then i just. sit at my desk and dissociate. nothing i do makes me feel better. i don't WANT to feel better without him. i don't WANT distractions. how am i supposed to find happiness when everything is so wrong?
November 24, 2025 at 1:53 PM
i get out of bed, i take a shower and do my scar care, and then i just. sit at my desk and dissociate. nothing i do makes me feel better. i don't WANT to feel better without him. i don't WANT distractions. how am i supposed to find happiness when everything is so wrong?
awake. in pain. which makes the grief worse bc he would always be right next to me on high pain days. motivate me to do my physical therapy and go for walks. the rain isn't helping. normally i love rain but it all just feels a bit too on the nose today.
November 24, 2025 at 12:59 PM
awake. in pain. which makes the grief worse bc he would always be right next to me on high pain days. motivate me to do my physical therapy and go for walks. the rain isn't helping. normally i love rain but it all just feels a bit too on the nose today.
dreamed roswell and i were hiking and got separated by a river. heard a voice say aloud, "it's okay, we'll always find our way back to each other." woke up crying. not sure i can go back to sleep after that.
November 24, 2025 at 8:45 AM
dreamed roswell and i were hiking and got separated by a river. heard a voice say aloud, "it's okay, we'll always find our way back to each other." woke up crying. not sure i can go back to sleep after that.
i appreciate all the kind comments and messages, i'm sorry i don't have the emotional wherewithal to respond and just "liking" seems. off. i think i'm just so deep in grief and shock that it's hard for me to know how to respond, but i appreciate it either way.
November 24, 2025 at 1:38 AM
i appreciate all the kind comments and messages, i'm sorry i don't have the emotional wherewithal to respond and just "liking" seems. off. i think i'm just so deep in grief and shock that it's hard for me to know how to respond, but i appreciate it either way.
visited with mom for a bit. she threatened to bring me food if i wasn't eating so i guess i should do that. everything hurts.
November 23, 2025 at 11:41 PM
visited with mom for a bit. she threatened to bring me food if i wasn't eating so i guess i should do that. everything hurts.
everything i do is a reminder bc he was so attentive that he noticed any action i took. taking out my earbuds, pushing my chair back, mumbling abt the internet going out, clicking a pen, turning the fan speed up or down... he would have noticed and come to see what i was doing. now i'm just. alone.
November 23, 2025 at 9:48 PM
everything i do is a reminder bc he was so attentive that he noticed any action i took. taking out my earbuds, pushing my chair back, mumbling abt the internet going out, clicking a pen, turning the fan speed up or down... he would have noticed and come to see what i was doing. now i'm just. alone.
going to try to do some woodburning work. no promises on speed. i'm just trying to do... anything.
November 23, 2025 at 6:00 PM
going to try to do some woodburning work. no promises on speed. i'm just trying to do... anything.
i miss you.
November 23, 2025 at 4:12 PM
i miss you.