Dave Merritt
@goldenseals67.bsky.social
songwriter / game show host / invented reggae
If you can kick someone in the neck without spilling your umbrella drink, that’s called Mai Tae Kwon Do.
December 5, 2025 at 1:30 AM
If you can kick someone in the neck without spilling your umbrella drink, that’s called Mai Tae Kwon Do.
I honestly had no idea that Ivory soap was made from recycled piano keys.
December 4, 2025 at 12:31 AM
I honestly had no idea that Ivory soap was made from recycled piano keys.
My hockey nickname was Healthy Scratch.
December 3, 2025 at 4:43 PM
My hockey nickname was Healthy Scratch.
Server asked if I needed change and I said no, I’m actually in a pretty good place right now.
December 2, 2025 at 12:58 AM
Server asked if I needed change and I said no, I’m actually in a pretty good place right now.
TOP 5 WORST PRISON SONGS:
5. Toys in the Attica
4. Frankly, Mr. Shank Me
3. You Can Call Me Alcatraz
2. TIE: Folsom Sugar On Me/ Guantanamora
1. Shawshank Redemption Song
#Top5Worst
5. Toys in the Attica
4. Frankly, Mr. Shank Me
3. You Can Call Me Alcatraz
2. TIE: Folsom Sugar On Me/ Guantanamora
1. Shawshank Redemption Song
#Top5Worst
November 26, 2025 at 2:49 AM
TOP 5 WORST PRISON SONGS:
5. Toys in the Attica
4. Frankly, Mr. Shank Me
3. You Can Call Me Alcatraz
2. TIE: Folsom Sugar On Me/ Guantanamora
1. Shawshank Redemption Song
#Top5Worst
5. Toys in the Attica
4. Frankly, Mr. Shank Me
3. You Can Call Me Alcatraz
2. TIE: Folsom Sugar On Me/ Guantanamora
1. Shawshank Redemption Song
#Top5Worst
Came very close to getting scammed for a lot of money yesterday. Be careful out there—it’s not the first time my kids have done this.
November 25, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Came very close to getting scammed for a lot of money yesterday. Be careful out there—it’s not the first time my kids have done this.
TOP 5 WORST POLITICAL SINGERS:
5. Vance Morrison
4. Englebert Trumperdinck
3. Mamdani Osmond
2. TIE: Lindsey BuckinGraham / Mike HuckaBeeGees
1. Un Direction
#top5worst
5. Vance Morrison
4. Englebert Trumperdinck
3. Mamdani Osmond
2. TIE: Lindsey BuckinGraham / Mike HuckaBeeGees
1. Un Direction
#top5worst
November 21, 2025 at 3:25 PM
TOP 5 WORST POLITICAL SINGERS:
5. Vance Morrison
4. Englebert Trumperdinck
3. Mamdani Osmond
2. TIE: Lindsey BuckinGraham / Mike HuckaBeeGees
1. Un Direction
#top5worst
5. Vance Morrison
4. Englebert Trumperdinck
3. Mamdani Osmond
2. TIE: Lindsey BuckinGraham / Mike HuckaBeeGees
1. Un Direction
#top5worst
I think the strangest Christmas movie is probably “It’s a Wonderful Life is Beautiful,” where Mr. Potter gets sent to a death camp and Roberto Benigni tries to make him laugh.
November 20, 2025 at 2:03 PM
I think the strangest Christmas movie is probably “It’s a Wonderful Life is Beautiful,” where Mr. Potter gets sent to a death camp and Roberto Benigni tries to make him laugh.
At first, I was pretty distressed when my doctor told me I had a wart, but then she assured me it was a gentle one.
November 19, 2025 at 8:30 PM
At first, I was pretty distressed when my doctor told me I had a wart, but then she assured me it was a gentle one.
Nothing in my life is more bittersweet than being entitled to the Thursday senior’s discount at Shopper’s Drug Mart.
November 14, 2025 at 2:28 AM
Nothing in my life is more bittersweet than being entitled to the Thursday senior’s discount at Shopper’s Drug Mart.
This seems good. More of this. Now if we can just get those currently serving in all branches of the military to do the same…
November 10, 2025 at 7:04 PM
This seems good. More of this. Now if we can just get those currently serving in all branches of the military to do the same…
“Last night, the 2030 Grammy Awards were hosted by Jimmy Fallon and Sarah Jessica Parker.”
November 9, 2025 at 3:52 PM
“Last night, the 2030 Grammy Awards were hosted by Jimmy Fallon and Sarah Jessica Parker.”
TOP 5 WORST POET AILMENTS:
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
November 9, 2025 at 12:06 AM
TOP 5 WORST POET AILMENTS:
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
5. Robert Frostbite
4. Tennyson Elbow
3. Edna St. Vincent Malaise
2: TIE: Edgar Allan Polio / Shellshock Silverstein
1. Rumitism
Accidentally put sonar panels on my roof, which does nothing for our hydro bill, but we can detect a German U-boat at 1100 meters.
November 7, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Accidentally put sonar panels on my roof, which does nothing for our hydro bill, but we can detect a German U-boat at 1100 meters.
This is a terrible 1-2 punch. Insult to injury for us Jays fans.
November 4, 2025 at 3:30 AM
This is a terrible 1-2 punch. Insult to injury for us Jays fans.
Just noticed that Davis Schneider uses bats made just a few minutes from my house here in Mississippi Mills, Ontario. SamBat also happens to be my personal bat of choice, so, in a sense, I played a small part in that first pitch dinger tonight. Or whatever.
October 30, 2025 at 4:11 AM
Just noticed that Davis Schneider uses bats made just a few minutes from my house here in Mississippi Mills, Ontario. SamBat also happens to be my personal bat of choice, so, in a sense, I played a small part in that first pitch dinger tonight. Or whatever.
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: Each year, on the Sunday after the first ecclesiastical full moon that occurs on or after March 21st, many celebrate Yeaster, commemorating that time long ago when cheeses first rose from the bread. But in tony Orlando, at dawn, some folks celebrate what they call Candida Day.
October 29, 2025 at 6:13 PM
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: Each year, on the Sunday after the first ecclesiastical full moon that occurs on or after March 21st, many celebrate Yeaster, commemorating that time long ago when cheeses first rose from the bread. But in tony Orlando, at dawn, some folks celebrate what they call Candida Day.
Reposted by Dave Merritt
The "hard-men" of Gondor were getting their shit kicked in until they were rescued by foreigners and a girl.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
October 29, 2025 at 10:36 AM
The "hard-men" of Gondor were getting their shit kicked in until they were rescued by foreigners and a girl.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
The Shire was doing fine until they let a fascist demagogue ("Sharkey" aka Saruman) take over, close the gates, impose a bunch of thug-enforced rules, and despoil nature for profit.
A great series so far. Love seeing opposing players interact with respect & joy, like they’re actually having fun whilst competing like hell. Losing team should lineup on the field & shake the winners’ hands instead of disappearing into the clubhouse like sore losers. NHL does it right. #WorldSeries
October 29, 2025 at 2:11 PM
A great series so far. Love seeing opposing players interact with respect & joy, like they’re actually having fun whilst competing like hell. Losing team should lineup on the field & shake the winners’ hands instead of disappearing into the clubhouse like sore losers. NHL does it right. #WorldSeries
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: The name Sally is short for Salamander.
October 28, 2025 at 10:38 PM
I DID NOT KNOW THIS: The name Sally is short for Salamander.
I’ll sing the goddamn Canadian national anthem at the game tonight. At least I know the song.
October 28, 2025 at 7:37 PM
I’ll sing the goddamn Canadian national anthem at the game tonight. At least I know the song.
You hold him at third there, Jesus Christ
October 28, 2025 at 3:55 AM
You hold him at third there, Jesus Christ
Max Muncy, or as I like to call him, Hefty Bono.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries
October 28, 2025 at 3:36 AM
Max Muncy, or as I like to call him, Hefty Bono.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries
October 26, 2025 at 12:20 AM
2 hours before the game, Davis Schneider busted two drug dealers in Etobicoke in an undercover sting.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries
October 25, 2025 at 12:54 AM
2 hours before the game, Davis Schneider busted two drug dealers in Etobicoke in an undercover sting.
#WorldSeries
#WorldSeries