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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1h

Why won’t Speaker Mike Johnson call Congress into session to pay our troops?? He has the power, and Dems agree.

Oh right: he’d have to swear in Adelita Grijalva, the 218th Epstein vote.

Let that sink in. MAGA Mike is not paying soldiers so Trump is not outed in the Epstein Files.

Unbelievable

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1d

Diane Keaton was one of the good ones, in a country that desperately needs more like her. She was insanely talented and endearingly whacky in real life.

Rest in peace☮️🙏

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1d

All my best performing satire posts have been the ones where people aren’t sure if it’s true or not because it’s so believable. This one (not mine) falls into that category.

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1d

🤛GOP Bible Verse for Saturday October 11, 2025🤜

"Take care to forget the history of others for the GOP Lord raised you up to have dominion over the them."

– GOP Bible Deuteronomy 6:12

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1d

Jonathan Braun smuggled a quarter million pounds of pot from Mexico and went to prison for 10 years.

Donald Trump set him free after 1 year IN HIS FIRST TERM.

Drug smuggler, sexual assaulter, child abuser, senior abuser, wife abuser.

Oh, and friend of Trump.

This is what you voted for, MAGA?

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1d

I think only the one with Ivanka is authentic. The others are faked.

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1d

Texas “Christian” camps prefer to have money and dead kids, tyvm.

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 1d

No lie! bsky.app/profile/gopj...

GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 2d

Congratulations President Trump on winning the Nobel Peace Prize just the way you said you would, and also on your AMAZING transformation. You’ve totally changed for the better and it’s just FABULOUS that the Nobel Committee has finally acknowledged your TREMENDOUS accomplishments!

Peace! ☮️🙏

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Reposted by GOP Jesus

GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

Imagine a world where your 8-year-old baby has an incurable kidney disease and might very well need a transplant to live past their twenties, and you have two choices:
1/4 🧵👇

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 2d

Congratulations President Trump on winning the Nobel Peace Prize just the way you said you would, and also on your AMAZING transformation. You’ve totally changed for the better and it’s just FABULOUS that the Nobel Committee has finally acknowledged your TREMENDOUS accomplishments!

Peace! ☮️🙏

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 3d

Show me one time in the Bible where Jesus says the word “bootstraps.”

I’ll wait.

GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

Imagine a world where your 8-year-old baby has an incurable kidney disease and might very well need a transplant to live past their twenties, and you have two choices:
1/4 🧵👇

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 4d

What, another dead airport?

Welcome to The Tremendous Trump Shutdown! bsky.app/profile/gopj...

GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 5d

Welcome to President Trump’s Government Shutdown, where politics trumps safety!

GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 5d

“Repugs” bsky.app/profile/gopj...

The Tennessee Holler @thetnholler.bsky.social · 5d

“Who’s more responsible for the government shutdown?”

“Republicans.”

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 5d

Welcome to President Trump’s Government Shutdown, where politics trumps safety!

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 6d

Nothing gets the satanic MAGAs more riled up than exposing how their Grand Orange Poobah and his pedophile bff Jeffrey raped children back in the good old days.

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

It’s both funny and sad.

Like life in America now. bsky.app/profile/gopj...

GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

Imagine a world where your 8-year-old baby has an incurable kidney disease and might very well need a transplant to live past their twenties, and you have two choices:
1/4 🧵👇

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

This is the real world in Donald Trump’s Great Ghetto, where the rich get richer and everyone else gets the shaft.

Is THIS what you voted for, America? Because if it is, you really fucking suck.
4/4

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

2. Get a low-paying job and ALL your new earnings go toward your child’s medical bills, sky-high ACA insurance premiums and food after you’re kicked off food stamps and Medicaid for earning “too much.”
3/4

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

1. Be unemployed and poor as fuck but your beautiful angel of a child has free medical care and the best nephrologist in your state, AND you get help buying food for your family so your kids don’t go hungry every night, or…
2/4

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

Imagine a world where your 8-year-old baby has an incurable kidney disease and might very well need a transplant to live past their twenties, and you have two choices:
1/4 🧵👇

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

Working on my Epstein Files book and setting up my new “Preaching About Politics is A-OK Says the SCROTUS” church so I’ve been posting less in the short term.

I need an intern or two!😇

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

It didn’t have the right moves, it seems.

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

Problem is, they go up for us too.

GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

This is paraphrasing an actual exchange in one of my comment threads. (To be fair, the MAGA ones are pretty much direct, word-for-word quotes.)

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GOP Jesus @gopjesus.bsky.social · 7d

MAGA vs Liberal Argument:

MAGA: SCHUMER SHUTDOWN!!!!!

Liberal: Actually the GOP wants to end subsidies for American citizens so your premiums are going up 2x or 3x.

MAGA: RETARD!

Liberal: It just makes the insurance companies richer at your expense.

MAGA: F*ck you, LIBTARD!

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