Gordon
@gordon.jagreview.com
every day I am bad at video games and sometimes I write about those video games for @jagreview.com
I write video game reviews for fun, for free, and as little creative writing exercises
all game reviews aim to fit on Steam
please enable my bad takes
I write video game reviews for fun, for free, and as little creative writing exercises
all game reviews aim to fit on Steam
please enable my bad takes
Pinned
Gordon
@gordon.jagreview.com
· Dec 16
@michael.jagreview.com you may remove it from your account but I will always have this and this is enough
Reposted by Gordon
"I went in expecting another second monitor "number go up" time killer and wound up with a shockingly compelling mystery story that sat firmly on my main monitor basically the whole way through." - @michael.jagreview.com
Read the full review for Asbury Pines here: jagreview.com/2025/11/24/r...
Read the full review for Asbury Pines here: jagreview.com/2025/11/24/r...
Review: Asbury Pines (2025)
Platform(s): PC (Steam) Version: Early Access v3.00.004 Verdict: POSITIVE Short Answer: An incremental resource management game with a time-hopping murder mystery narrative twist. The gameplay is s…
jagreview.com
November 25, 2025 at 2:18 AM
"I went in expecting another second monitor "number go up" time killer and wound up with a shockingly compelling mystery story that sat firmly on my main monitor basically the whole way through." - @michael.jagreview.com
Read the full review for Asbury Pines here: jagreview.com/2025/11/24/r...
Read the full review for Asbury Pines here: jagreview.com/2025/11/24/r...
I crawled out of my hole to play Battlefield 6. I should have stayed in the hole. It sucks. It's worse than living in the hole. It made me miss the dark, cold hole. Don't play it. It is bad.
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/11/14/r...
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/11/14/r...
Review: Battlefield 6 (2025)
Platform(s): PC (Steam, Epic Games, EA App), PS5, Xbox Series X|S Verdict: NEGATIVE I haven’t regularly played a modern military shooter in many years, and Battlefield 6 does nothing to make me wan…
jagreview.com
November 15, 2025 at 5:14 AM
I crawled out of my hole to play Battlefield 6. I should have stayed in the hole. It sucks. It's worse than living in the hole. It made me miss the dark, cold hole. Don't play it. It is bad.
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/11/14/r...
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/11/14/r...
I did NOT invest in a sleep weapon just so you BOZOS could just keep swinging this Mizutsune hit you with what you DESERVED #MonsterHunter
July 3, 2025 at 12:56 AM
I did NOT invest in a sleep weapon just so you BOZOS could just keep swinging this Mizutsune hit you with what you DESERVED #MonsterHunter
Reposted by Gordon
Perfect Dark is cancelled, and The Initiative is gone.
What an astonishingly dark day.
I feel awful for the people involved. Utter vandalism.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/xbox-ha...
What an astonishingly dark day.
I feel awful for the people involved. Utter vandalism.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/xbox-ha...
July 2, 2025 at 5:11 PM
Perfect Dark is cancelled, and The Initiative is gone.
What an astonishingly dark day.
I feel awful for the people involved. Utter vandalism.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/xbox-ha...
What an astonishingly dark day.
I feel awful for the people involved. Utter vandalism.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/xbox-ha...
Taskmaster was so real for saying this.
May 28, 2025 at 9:51 PM
Taskmaster was so real for saying this.
Spider-Man going a little too bootlicker there for me.
May 28, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Spider-Man going a little too bootlicker there for me.
Reposted by Gordon
"We couldn’t make that up" – Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 has hit 3.3 million sales after 33 days.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/we-coul...
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/we-coul...
‘We couldn’t make that up’: Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 hits 3.3 million sales after 33 days | VGC
The critically acclaimed RPG hits an appropriate milestone…
www.videogameschronicle.com
May 27, 2025 at 2:23 PM
"We couldn’t make that up" – Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 has hit 3.3 million sales after 33 days.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/we-coul...
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/we-coul...
I spent too much time looking at Yumia's ass and was transported to the bright surface of Mercury for my sins.
May 24, 2025 at 11:17 PM
I spent too much time looking at Yumia's ass and was transported to the bright surface of Mercury for my sins.
I played Split Fiction, an extremely well-made game, but one with two lead characters who should be thrown in the ocean. Still, it's one of the better games to come out this year.
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/21/s...
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/21/s...
Split Fiction (2025) — Review
Platform(s): PC (Steam, Epic Games, EA App), PS5, Xbox Series X|S Verdict: POSITIVE I respect Hazelight Studios for having a clear vision of what it wants its games to be while generally being able…
jagreview.com
May 22, 2025 at 4:14 AM
I played Split Fiction, an extremely well-made game, but one with two lead characters who should be thrown in the ocean. Still, it's one of the better games to come out this year.
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/21/s...
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/21/s...
Reposted by Gordon
French trade union Solidaires Informatique has reiterated that Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot will be summoned at the trial of three former Ubisoft execs in June.
It claims Guillemot was complicit in the "systematic nature of harassment" at Ubisoft.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/french-...
It claims Guillemot was complicit in the "systematic nature of harassment" at Ubisoft.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/french-...
French trade union says Ubisoft CEO will be summoned at harassment trial of three former execs | VGC
Yves Guillemot and HR director Marie Derain are accused of being complicit in its “systematic nature of harassment”…
www.videogameschronicle.com
May 20, 2025 at 3:33 PM
French trade union Solidaires Informatique has reiterated that Ubisoft CEO Yves Guillemot will be summoned at the trial of three former Ubisoft execs in June.
It claims Guillemot was complicit in the "systematic nature of harassment" at Ubisoft.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/french-...
It claims Guillemot was complicit in the "systematic nature of harassment" at Ubisoft.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/french-...
Reposted by Gordon
"...if the full release retained the same polish and charm as [the 2022 demo], then it was sure to be an excellent game. Now I can happily say that it is, in fact, an excellent game." - @michael.jagreview.com
Read the full review for Kulebra & the Souls of Limbo here: jagreview.com/2025/05/18/k...
Read the full review for Kulebra & the Souls of Limbo here: jagreview.com/2025/05/18/k...
Kulebra and the Souls of Limbo (2025) — Review
Platform(s): PC (Steam, GOG), Nintendo Switch, Xbox Series X|S Version: 1.0.13 Verdict: POSITIVE Short Answer: A gorgeous, well-polished, and utterly charming puzzle/adventure game. It feels both o…
jagreview.com
May 18, 2025 at 4:13 AM
"...if the full release retained the same polish and charm as [the 2022 demo], then it was sure to be an excellent game. Now I can happily say that it is, in fact, an excellent game." - @michael.jagreview.com
Read the full review for Kulebra & the Souls of Limbo here: jagreview.com/2025/05/18/k...
Read the full review for Kulebra & the Souls of Limbo here: jagreview.com/2025/05/18/k...
"Bungie has now acknowledged that Hook’s claims are accurate, and that the staff member responsible for the apparent plagiarism is no longer employed there."
Somehow I doubt they fired Marathon's art director, because that's who's ultimately responsible for letting this happen.
Somehow I doubt they fired Marathon's art director, because that's who's ultimately responsible for letting this happen.
Bungie has confirmed claims that an artist's work was stolen and used in Marathon without her permission.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/bungie-...
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/bungie-...
Bungie confirms that an artist’s work was stolen and used in Marathon without their permission | VGC
The staff member responsible no longer works at Bungie…
www.videogameschronicle.com
May 17, 2025 at 5:06 AM
"Bungie has now acknowledged that Hook’s claims are accurate, and that the staff member responsible for the apparent plagiarism is no longer employed there."
Somehow I doubt they fired Marathon's art director, because that's who's ultimately responsible for letting this happen.
Somehow I doubt they fired Marathon's art director, because that's who's ultimately responsible for letting this happen.
I'm only about halfway through Dark Ages, but unless something drastically goes downhill, it's kind of shocking how much better I find it than Doom and Doom Eternal.
May 17, 2025 at 4:53 AM
I'm only about halfway through Dark Ages, but unless something drastically goes downhill, it's kind of shocking how much better I find it than Doom and Doom Eternal.
Every time I think this company can't get any shittier they manage to outdo themselves. And I can't even be surprised because they've blatantly stolen art MULTIPLE times before.
the Marathon alpha released recently and its environments are covered with assets lifted from poster designs i made in 2017.
@bungie.net @marathonthegame.bungie.net
@bungie.net @marathonthegame.bungie.net
May 16, 2025 at 1:32 AM
Every time I think this company can't get any shittier they manage to outdo themselves. And I can't even be surprised because they've blatantly stolen art MULTIPLE times before.
I made the mistake of throwing my shield into a parry tutorial demon in The Dark Ages and completely locked myself in place.
May 14, 2025 at 2:29 PM
I made the mistake of throwing my shield into a parry tutorial demon in The Dark Ages and completely locked myself in place.
"The session lengths are deliberate; you can literally do five-minute sessions if you want to, if that’s how much time you have. Even if you’re a completionist, it’s probably like 30, 40 hours, if I remember correctly, but something like not thousands of hours."
You love to see this.
You love to see this.
With FBC: Firebreak, Remedy says it's made a Control shooter "by middle-aged dads, for middle-aged dads".
Full impressions and video:
www.videogameschronicle.com/features/wit...
Full impressions and video:
www.videogameschronicle.com/features/wit...
With FBC: Firebreak, Remedy says it’s made a Control shooter ‘for Dads’ | VGC
Remedy’s next release swaps cinematic action for three-player co-op…
www.videogameschronicle.com
May 14, 2025 at 1:57 PM
"The session lengths are deliberate; you can literally do five-minute sessions if you want to, if that’s how much time you have. Even if you’re a completionist, it’s probably like 30, 40 hours, if I remember correctly, but something like not thousands of hours."
You love to see this.
You love to see this.
I fully 100% believe getting Waffle House would completely fix Tekken 8 and they'd never have to do anything to the game ever again
Tekken series producer Katsuhiro Harada says he wants to make a stage set inside a Waffle House but the US restaurant chain is ignoring his calls for a collaboration.
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/tekken-...
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/tekken-...
Tekken boss wants to add an official Waffle House stage but says it’s ignoring his calls | VGC
Katsuhiro Harada says the game may get an unofficial ‘Hustle House’ tribute stage instead…
www.videogameschronicle.com
May 13, 2025 at 1:33 PM
I fully 100% believe getting Waffle House would completely fix Tekken 8 and they'd never have to do anything to the game ever again
I have learned today that Thomas Mahler doesn't know what review bombing is. If you have full rights to your game, the only reason it's going to fail from player apathy or negativity is because you don't have the chops to actually make it good.
The CEO of Ori developer Moon Studios says the company may "have to shut down" if its latest game No Rest for the Wicked doesn't get more positive reviews on Steam, claiming it was "review bombed".
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/ori-dev...
www.videogameschronicle.com/news/ori-dev...
Ori developer Moon Studios head warns it may have to shut down following review bombing | VGC
Players who enjoyed No Rest for the Wicked are being encouraged to leave positive reviews…
www.videogameschronicle.com
May 12, 2025 at 7:51 PM
I have learned today that Thomas Mahler doesn't know what review bombing is. If you have full rights to your game, the only reason it's going to fail from player apathy or negativity is because you don't have the chops to actually make it good.
Reposted by Gordon
If Esquie has a million fans, then I am one of them. If Esquie has ten fans, then I am one of them. If Esquie has only one fan then that is me. If Esquie has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against Esquie, then I am against the world.
May 3, 2025 at 12:35 AM
If Esquie has a million fans, then I am one of them. If Esquie has ten fans, then I am one of them. If Esquie has only one fan then that is me. If Esquie has no fans, then that means I am no longer on earth. If the world is against Esquie, then I am against the world.
There was 0 chance Expedition 33 would have won GotY at TGA if GTA VI came out this year, even if it was a better game (and GTA VI will not have anything nearly as cool as some of those bosses), so it does kind of make me happy that it has a very real chance of winning GotY there now.
May 2, 2025 at 7:40 PM
There was 0 chance Expedition 33 would have won GotY at TGA if GTA VI came out this year, even if it was a better game (and GTA VI will not have anything nearly as cool as some of those bosses), so it does kind of make me happy that it has a very real chance of winning GotY there now.
I played Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, a game that is legitimately my favorite of all time. On every level that a video game can be good, it masterfully excels.
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/02/c...
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/02/c...
Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 (2025) — Review
Platform(s): PC (Steam, Epic Games), PS5, Xbox Series X|S Verdict: POSITIVE It kind of sucks when you play the game of the year in April. It means that whatever comes out over the next 8 months jus…
jagreview.com
May 2, 2025 at 2:29 PM
I played Clair Obscur: Expedition 33, a game that is legitimately my favorite of all time. On every level that a video game can be good, it masterfully excels.
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/02/c...
I wrote a review of it for @jagreview.com. You can read the review here: jagreview.com/2025/05/02/c...
I'll have to raise you one today boss
May 1, 2025 at 6:19 PM
I'll have to raise you one today boss
I was one of the 14 people in the world who knew about and was excited for Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 from its first trailer reveal, but even I didn't think it would end up becoming my favorite game of all time. No game is perfect, but this one might be lmao
April 30, 2025 at 4:38 AM
I was one of the 14 people in the world who knew about and was excited for Clair Obscur: Expedition 33 from its first trailer reveal, but even I didn't think it would end up becoming my favorite game of all time. No game is perfect, but this one might be lmao
Reposted by Gordon
"There's a fun JRPG here to be sure; but as an Atelier game specifically, I must admit that it left something to be desired." - @michael.jagreview.com
Read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/04/23/a...
Read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/04/23/a...
Atelier Yumia: The Alchemist of Memories & the Envisioned Land (2025) — Review
Platform(s): PC (Steam), Nintendo Switch, PS4 & PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series X|S Version: 1.00 – 1.10 Verdict: MIXED Short Answer: It’s a fun JRPG, but to me it narrowly missed the ma…
jagreview.com
April 23, 2025 at 4:21 AM
"There's a fun JRPG here to be sure; but as an Atelier game specifically, I must admit that it left something to be desired." - @michael.jagreview.com
Read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/04/23/a...
Read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/04/23/a...
Reposted by Gordon
I liked it for what it is—enough to earn every achievement, even—but I also went in expecting a game with the deep crafting mechanics that Atelier is known for, and I think it missed the mark there.
That being said, I'm glad I played it, and I hope this isn't the last we see of Yumia and the gang.
That being said, I'm glad I played it, and I hope this isn't the last we see of Yumia and the gang.
"There's a fun JRPG here to be sure; but as an Atelier game specifically, I must admit that it left something to be desired." - @michael.jagreview.com
Read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/04/23/a...
Read the full review here: jagreview.com/2025/04/23/a...
Atelier Yumia: The Alchemist of Memories & the Envisioned Land (2025) — Review
Platform(s): PC (Steam), Nintendo Switch, PS4 & PS5, Xbox One, Xbox Series X|S Version: 1.00 – 1.10 Verdict: MIXED Short Answer: It’s a fun JRPG, but to me it narrowly missed the ma…
jagreview.com
April 23, 2025 at 4:27 AM
I liked it for what it is—enough to earn every achievement, even—but I also went in expecting a game with the deep crafting mechanics that Atelier is known for, and I think it missed the mark there.
That being said, I'm glad I played it, and I hope this isn't the last we see of Yumia and the gang.
That being said, I'm glad I played it, and I hope this isn't the last we see of Yumia and the gang.