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Vulnerability is not a weakness and empathy is the master key for working WITH parents, we have to stop the punitive and dismissive doing TO if we ever want things to get better

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

But this training was inspired by a podcast conversation here I shared more of my personal journey. I think it's going to be my best. It also comes at a time when parent/school relationships are on a knife edge

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

It's an emotional session for everyone, especially me

I've always shared snippets of my SEND parent experience in my training before, especially in more specialist settings

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...And finally we seek to best understand the journey of the SEND parent, a journey to acceptance that passes through denial, blame, anger, lost relationships and isolation

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...These parents are extremely vulnerable to FB groups etc that will become echo chambers that can make our lives hell. Seems harsh but we can prevent it or we can moan about it...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

... Often, attack is the best form of defence, many of these parents have been fighting professionals for their children non stop

Validation is everything, and if we don't give it they will seek it elsewhere...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...This meant time was spent to focus on regulation and de-escalation is just as important for adults as it is for children, and needs a foundation of emotional safety and trust.

This is very rarely achieved by authority...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...When we perceive someone has hurt our child (rightly or wrongly) is an extremely high (potentially unrealistic) expectation to expect immediate rational and logical behaviour

Shutting parents down for being emotionally dysregulated is a cop out...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...Through the social discipline window to understand where development gaps are coming from and why it's more complex than just poor parenting

To the fact that these are our babies, expectations of rational, logical, "good" behaviour...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...We acknowledged that we can't connect on an experiences level with them, but that doesn't mean we can't connect

We found ways to validate parents, even when we disagree with them, even when we can't achieve or give them what they want

How?...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...We got there by having the vent, by offloading those frustrations, by throwing out the blame, and then by working it through from a place of curiosity

We never excused any behaviours but we did seek explanations...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

...One which started from a place of frustration, hopelessness, and if honest (which they were) some assumption and blame. Believing that relationships were unrepairable

To a place of empathy, understanding and hope. With a new desire to rebuild and work 'WITH'...

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · 5d

I delivered my first session of my new training on Understanding and Supporting Parental Challenge and SEND Parents in Liverpool this week (working title)

Rarely have I experienced a bigger energy shift in a room....

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Reposted by Graham Chatterley

connected baby @connectedbaby.bsky.social · Jun 30

Two features in our new newsletter from Scotland's ACEs Action Community. You can sign up to receive it on: connectedbaby.net/scotlands-ac...

@drpam.bsky.social @anam-alba.bsky.social @grahamchatterley.bsky.social @margl24.bsky.social @lynburnnurture.bsky.social @alexrenton.bsky.social

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · Jun 1

It's interesting that someone who has consistently pushed negative reinforcement, and has no issues with publicly shaming children

Doesn't think it motivates adults

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · May 31

It's not about attention, it's about engagement.

Michael Rosen uses his platform for good and abandoning that network created would be a waste

It takes time to rebuild, it's not as simple as just switching over

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · May 24

Like I say, a desperation move

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · May 24

Silent corridors is either a desperation response or a power trip

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Graham Chatterley @grahamchatterley.bsky.social · May 24

Absolutely, it's internal vs external

But I think some really like the power

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