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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 1h

Kind of hoped things would get wild and crazy for me while my roommate's been gone the past two weeks, but the only things that really happened are 1) I fell asleep on the couch one night watching family feud, and 2) I've been watching the local news on the living room TV in the morning. Woohoo...

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 1h

potatoes... tofu... 🤤

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 1h

Gonna have a 1,500 calorie breakfast before noon and then pretend that that's not going to just blow up my entire day lol

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 12h

About once every 2 years, I'll discover a Mitch Hedberg joke that I had never heard before. And that's what keeps me going.

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Reposted by Grosdoriane

Mr. Chau @srirachachau.bsky.social · 13h

I do love that Raymond, sir

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 12h

I said it on the other site, and I'll say it again: I swear that I almost think about this post every day.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 12h

Legit laughed out loud at this (had to get the heimlich once at a restaurant as a kid after a mozzarella stick went rogue)

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 13h

Going like "babe, this song reminded me of you❤️" and then sending a youtube link to Beethoven's "Ode to Joy":

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 13h

I thought this was the funniest shit when I first saw it as a teen. But the most MESSED UP part is that ultimately this just ended up being a really bad band playing the style of music that I mostly listen to now.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=igOO...

Realicide Elixir Live at the Classroom Part 1

YouTube video by Dazey

www.youtube.com

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 13h

I'm in absolute bliss right now. Someone re-uploaded one of my long lost internet "White Whales" to Youtube. There are few feelings as good as being able to re-watch a video that has lived in your brain for 15+ years.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 13h

Hey, man. Everyone at the party from last night met up this morning for breakfast at 9am (not sure why you were still asleep?), and everyone agreed that you were acting really weird.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

65-year-old men notoriously have incredibly healthy hearts.

Reuters @reuters.com · 14h

Trump, 79, has "cardiac age" of 65-year-old, doctor says reut.rs/4mZNZbu

Trump, 79, has "cardiac age" of 65-year-old, doctor says

Donald Trump was found to be in "exceptional health" in a medical evaluation, the U.S. president's doctor said in a memo released by the White House on Friday, with his "cardiac age" 14 years younger than in "chronological age."

reut.rs

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

I think there's really only two sexualities. Either you want to fuck, or you don't.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

Whenever I've been in a position where we're doing the icebreaker of "Say your name and one fun fact about yourself!!," I always imagined how funny it would be to have killed a person *completely* in self-defense just so you could be like "My name is Robert, and I killed a man."

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

Pete Holmes gives off the vibe of a "Losing His Faith Christian who accidentally took a megadose of mushrooms on the night before the day he would have finally called himself an atheist."

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

If I were Trump, and I had actually wanted to win a Nobel Peace Prize, I probably wouldn't have done a single thing that he has ever done in his entire life.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

The only way forward is a complete destruction of all forms of nationalism, globally. There is no other way.

A barbaric, selfish, stupid ideology that should have had its shit kicked in permanently 100 years ago.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 14h

I have found that one of life's simplest joys is to walk the distance of a half marathon without any running whatsoever, but then still refer to it as "doing a half marathon."

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 15h

[god, making me] a little sprinkle of "being silly with it," a dash of "emotional malaise despite an overall joie de vivre" and a MASSIVE helping of "genetic predisposition to storing excess fat in his titties" lmaooo fuck this guy, send him out

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 16h

Nobody forwards my call to an automated voice messaging system and gets away with it...

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 17h

I don't understand how I'm supposed to follow music news at all.

Totorro put out a new album a week ago and literally no one told me. I missed an entire week of listening to this thing??

Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 17h

We Asked a 100-year-Old for His Five Biggest Tips for Longevity.

Out of an abundance of caution for our readers' health, we have decided to not publish any of these tips and chalk his long life up to good old-fashioned dumb luck.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 17h

I think one of the most truly disconcerting moments within a person's lifetime is that first time you go to an appointment with a doctor, and they're younger than you.

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Grosdoriane @grosdoriane.bsky.social · 17h

No offense to the rest of our taxonomic family, but for hundreds of thousands of years humans have really been pushing the envelope of what it means to be a "great ape."

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