The reason RFK never removes his jeans is because he always skips leg day. You can’t pull the denim over my eyes, broseph.

If you egg a house now, you’re like rich or something

Iykyk

Pro tip: if anyone ever suggests to you that you should maybe go use “the outdoor claw foot bathtub,” they either think you smell bad or they want to put the moves on you. In either case, for christ’s sake, REFUSE.

My mental health routine is becoming more and more like an episode of the TwilightZone, but also, you know, life.

I feel like I need to make an introductory post or else everyone will think I am a bot.
Which is exactly what a bot would say, probably.

customer: your lightest roast please

barista: that middle part you’re wearing makes you look like a founding father