Jesse Taylor Lewis
@jessetaylorlewis.bsky.social
Hermit extraordinaire
Kill two birds and baste your turkey with Nyquil™
November 26, 2025 at 3:30 PM
Kill two birds and baste your turkey with Nyquil™
Don't forget to wait until halfway through Thanksgiving to tell your family you prepared the whole meal in the shower
November 26, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Don't forget to wait until halfway through Thanksgiving to tell your family you prepared the whole meal in the shower
They need to grow an olive the size of my head, so I can eat it
Someone get on that
Someone get on that
November 26, 2025 at 3:24 PM
They need to grow an olive the size of my head, so I can eat it
Someone get on that
Someone get on that
I wish I had the luxury of hating certain foods but I'll gobble anything at this point
Even the green bean shards
Even the green bean shards
November 26, 2025 at 3:20 PM
I wish I had the luxury of hating certain foods but I'll gobble anything at this point
Even the green bean shards
Even the green bean shards
Food banks never have coffee, which is lame, like, it's one of those things that really makes your day better if you're a coffee drinker
Hook some people up with Folgers or something, even Yuban will do
Hook some people up with Folgers or something, even Yuban will do
November 26, 2025 at 3:15 PM
Food banks never have coffee, which is lame, like, it's one of those things that really makes your day better if you're a coffee drinker
Hook some people up with Folgers or something, even Yuban will do
Hook some people up with Folgers or something, even Yuban will do
He can say what he wants but every day now I see formerly water carrying publications with headlines like "Is the president losing his mind?" so even his buddies in the media, except FUX News, are seeing where the wind is blowing and they're starting to bail
November 26, 2025 at 3:11 PM
He can say what he wants but every day now I see formerly water carrying publications with headlines like "Is the president losing his mind?" so even his buddies in the media, except FUX News, are seeing where the wind is blowing and they're starting to bail
My noodle is a little achy, which is unusual for me, starting to wonder if those two sick people I was talking to yesterday who told me they were sick halfway through the conversation boned me
My fault for not wearing my mask during a conversation for the first time in years, god dammit
My fault for not wearing my mask during a conversation for the first time in years, god dammit
November 26, 2025 at 2:49 PM
My noodle is a little achy, which is unusual for me, starting to wonder if those two sick people I was talking to yesterday who told me they were sick halfway through the conversation boned me
My fault for not wearing my mask during a conversation for the first time in years, god dammit
My fault for not wearing my mask during a conversation for the first time in years, god dammit
I'm sure it's fine that the secretary of defense doesn't know how mirrors work
November 26, 2025 at 2:34 PM
I'm sure it's fine that the secretary of defense doesn't know how mirrors work
Just turned my heater up to the give dads an aneurysm setting
November 26, 2025 at 2:28 PM
Just turned my heater up to the give dads an aneurysm setting
It's actually warmer in my refrigerator than it is in my apartment🤔
November 26, 2025 at 2:26 PM
It's actually warmer in my refrigerator than it is in my apartment🤔
You heard the sociopaths, it's US who are out of touch because we can't afford name brand cranberry sauce!
Don't forget to defrost your billionaire or they won't be ready to cook tomorrow!!!
Don't forget to defrost your billionaire or they won't be ready to cook tomorrow!!!
November 26, 2025 at 2:21 PM
You heard the sociopaths, it's US who are out of touch because we can't afford name brand cranberry sauce!
Don't forget to defrost your billionaire or they won't be ready to cook tomorrow!!!
Don't forget to defrost your billionaire or they won't be ready to cook tomorrow!!!
It's 29° and I saw two guys walking by in shorts
November 26, 2025 at 2:15 PM
It's 29° and I saw two guys walking by in shorts
Boing is a top-tier word
November 26, 2025 at 7:34 AM
Boing is a top-tier word
I made fun of Mountain Dew for years but that shit is actually pretty good
Either that or I'm getting stupider
Or both
Either that or I'm getting stupider
Or both
November 26, 2025 at 6:18 AM
I made fun of Mountain Dew for years but that shit is actually pretty good
Either that or I'm getting stupider
Or both
Either that or I'm getting stupider
Or both
The Santa in the Jiffy Lube commercial I just saw really mailed it in
2 Bad Santas out of 5
2 Bad Santas out of 5
November 26, 2025 at 5:00 AM
The Santa in the Jiffy Lube commercial I just saw really mailed it in
2 Bad Santas out of 5
2 Bad Santas out of 5
My favorite part of the Campbell's response was when they said no one should listen to that guy because he works in IT
Hilarious for several reasons but also everyone knows IT people actually know all the dirt so kind of not the thing you want say there
Hilarious for several reasons but also everyone knows IT people actually know all the dirt so kind of not the thing you want say there
November 26, 2025 at 4:58 AM
My favorite part of the Campbell's response was when they said no one should listen to that guy because he works in IT
Hilarious for several reasons but also everyone knows IT people actually know all the dirt so kind of not the thing you want say there
Hilarious for several reasons but also everyone knows IT people actually know all the dirt so kind of not the thing you want say there
I bet the Progresso soup people are high fiving tonight
November 26, 2025 at 4:52 AM
I bet the Progresso soup people are high fiving tonight
Who's writing this timeline?
November 26, 2025 at 4:36 AM
Who's writing this timeline?
Really stuffed, looking forward to Friday when they'll just be a few leftover Thanksgiving jokes and we can finally move on😋
November 26, 2025 at 2:52 AM
Really stuffed, looking forward to Friday when they'll just be a few leftover Thanksgiving jokes and we can finally move on😋
I looked up pickle pie just to see if that's a thing and it is and I would 100% eat that
As you're probably aware of by now, there's not much I won't eat
Go ahead and put hotdogs in Jello or whatever, I'll eat that too
As you're probably aware of by now, there's not much I won't eat
Go ahead and put hotdogs in Jello or whatever, I'll eat that too
November 26, 2025 at 2:30 AM
I looked up pickle pie just to see if that's a thing and it is and I would 100% eat that
As you're probably aware of by now, there's not much I won't eat
Go ahead and put hotdogs in Jello or whatever, I'll eat that too
As you're probably aware of by now, there's not much I won't eat
Go ahead and put hotdogs in Jello or whatever, I'll eat that too
The main problem with that Glen movie "remake" is he's killing billionaires to become a billionaire instead of just because it's the right thing to do
So it's playing on people's hatred and jealousy of the uber wealthy while still engaging in the greed fantasy so many humans have
Laaaaaaame
So it's playing on people's hatred and jealousy of the uber wealthy while still engaging in the greed fantasy so many humans have
Laaaaaaame
November 26, 2025 at 2:25 AM
The main problem with that Glen movie "remake" is he's killing billionaires to become a billionaire instead of just because it's the right thing to do
So it's playing on people's hatred and jealousy of the uber wealthy while still engaging in the greed fantasy so many humans have
Laaaaaaame
So it's playing on people's hatred and jealousy of the uber wealthy while still engaging in the greed fantasy so many humans have
Laaaaaaame
Honestly though, I've never had any pie that I didn't like
Ever
I also love all the pot pies
Ever
I also love all the pot pies
November 26, 2025 at 2:18 AM
Honestly though, I've never had any pie that I didn't like
Ever
I also love all the pot pies
Ever
I also love all the pot pies
(Looks up from 13 empty Hostess cherry pie boxes) You people are crazy with these deranged pie takes!!!
November 26, 2025 at 2:15 AM
(Looks up from 13 empty Hostess cherry pie boxes) You people are crazy with these deranged pie takes!!!
This was a really good month, nothing but good things happened, plus I had pie
November 26, 2025 at 2:07 AM
This was a really good month, nothing but good things happened, plus I had pie