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Reposted by Josef Miles

The Onion @theonion.com · 2d

Belt Looks Weird On Child

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Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 2d

Do you think people would like it more if we called it “plum juice”?

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 4d

🚨GOOD HOLD MUSIC FOUND!🚨

The USAA car insurance line has a nasty breakdown

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 13d

Anybody know how I can move to a fictional universe? Rent in Gotham can’t be more than $250/mo.

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 15d

Mean Girls movie quote: “On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.” “It’s October 3rd”

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 16d

I will consider myself successful in my creative endeavors when people write fanfiction about my work

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 20d

Gay people be like “I hate math” and then turn into goddamn statisticians the second they need to defend their favorite music artist

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 21d

Watching my first waterpolo match. Can feel the trust fund materializing

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 25d

I think Celebrity* is sooo cool

*at the time of me writing this post, Celebrity does not have any major scandals or hateful worldviews

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · 28d

Her pussy’s got those cartoon green stink lines but I’m floating towards it like I’m following a pie

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 16

Beautiful woman named Email lets me know her brethren are nearby

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 16

I think the “Saddam Hussein hiding spot” trend is really fun because now normal people can experience the joy of finding a Hidden Mickey

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 16

APPLES HAVE A SMELL???

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 13

My take after scrolling the art tag on BlueSky is that some of y’all draw dicks like cashews

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 9

Saw protein soda yesterday. She be fucking with aaaanybodyyyyy

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 9

Protein kinda a slut right now, no?

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Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 7

Guy that’s listened to 10 Queen songs: You should listen to Don’t Stop Me Now

Guy that’s listened to 100 Queen songs: You should listen to Ride The Wild Wind - Early Version With Guide Vocals

Guy that’s listened to 1000 Queen songs: You should listen to Don’t Stop Me Now

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 7

Just saw MLB players in the dugout on iPads. They really are my age huh

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 5

Worst part of my hysterectomy is the fact that they had to shave my happy trail :/

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Sep 1

3OH!3’s name actually refers to the number of members; we only think there’s 2 because 301 of them always stand behind the tall guy

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Aug 31

Who up C-ing they major?

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Aug 30

Being a real lenspilled visioncel. Really glassesmaxxing today.

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Aug 25

If he prefers nectarines to peaches, he is NOT gonna treat your bush with the respect it deserves mama

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Aug 25

Completely struggled with one of the NYT Strands today because the theme was school supplies, so naturally I didn’t think of “laptop.” Am I old?

Josef Miles @josefmiles.bsky.social · Aug 23

I’m nineteen but I haven’t dated anyone evil yet this year… been too busy being my own evil boyfriend #feminism