i declare unnecessarily profane war on my chores

like vacuuming cat fur i go "have at thee, shit-tainted furballs!" and such

just pealed off painters tape going "i denounce you sticky, cunty bitches!" then realized the mother of my godkids and my bff applied that while painting my home for me 😬

in my defense, i was only buying from [online supervillain] because i wanted to shrink my "just fucking shoplift it" list.

see? this was initially more morally neutral than you thought, nerd.

also if you shame a disabled person for their online shopping an angel disables your breaks

ordered bulk non-perishables from 'ubiquitous evil dot com' and it arrived
a. 18 days later than promised,
b. as 3 (THREE) loose items in a cheap plastic bag, instead of
c. the factory-sealed 8 (EIGHT) pack of product i ordered

i can get a refund if i ship the three things back, lol

another lester's possum park banger on the horizon

either this regime will last forever or they will eventually have to pay for what they've done, and they know that trying to scale back their crimes by 10% won't be able to save them so it's full speed ahead on fascism until the mass republican exodus to a non-extradition country begins

that exactly what i wanted when i did standup

double that for getting a pickup truck taller than you are

maybe kirby will eventually spit out a basic cybertruck then go back to normal until he inhales another concept car?

can my personal soldier give me piggyback rides? or do i need a personal cop for that?

jfc suddenly finding myself grateful to all the times minnesota metro pd simply cuffed me then left me to have an unprotected, concussion-inducing seizure on the pavement because that's apparently considered generous within the spectrum of how cops treat disabled folks

sharing the same cat braincell?

i started playing a drakewarden in dnd but instead of a drake each time i summon a kendrick into battle

rip fergus, who, like all cats, was the best cat.

i don't know if i have the energy to jump social media platforms again, but if i did and could plan accordingly i'd include you

a tearful kim robinson (presumably not the sci-fi author) continued lying to rubes:

"yes, i can tell you everything that charlie kirk, jesus, and a ranch of heavenly horses do together... i will narrate all their zany afterlife antics to you live for just $3.99/min (18+ only, $6.99/min after dark)"

"he's just showing an interest in you, honey! oh sure we haven't talked about your dating life since you told me about your first gay date, but i'm now queer-friendly and if the man who claims mysterious healing powers likes you, who am i to keep you from ̶a̶ ̶s̶i̶g̶n̶i̶f̶i̶c̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶p̶a̶t̶i̶e̶n̶t̶ ̶d̶i̶s̶c̶o̶u̶n̶t̶ true love?"

gotta make up an experience that took place at the goldilocks zone in the venn diagram of "things new age medical quacks actually do" AND "things that won't convince my mom i need to spend $$$ on useless supplements and/or bogus treatments" AND "won't make her call complaining on my behalf"

i lied to my mom about making an appointment with an absolute quack six months out who 100% cannot help my chronic disability.

today was the day that fictional account takes place, i have to make up an entire experience with a "new age practitioner" on tonight's phone call

context: the last friday dnd night was canceled last minute and the dm floated the idea of the rest of us gathering to make edibles, then immediately canceled due to lack of motivation (due to sampling the edibles early) so this was my plea to the group this week

oh no, not at all the way i was trying to go with that! i was thinking about how "ish" is both a slang term for "shit" and a sound someone would make when seeing something gross

emphasis on the "ish"

i just assume this is based on a wild antisemitic rant trump overheard stephen miller angrily delivering to an intern, but all he retained was the stuff about dicks

night photos can't do it justice but houses on my street are changing their outdoor lights to rep their favorite midwest nfl team. my immediate neighbor is glowing red and yellow for the chiefs, across the street are a purple and gold vikings house next to a blue and orange bears home

Chappie watched a documentary on Chubby Checker and has been trying to learn how to do The Twist ever since!

#cats #Chappie #flamepointcat