Leon’s Existential Cafe
@leonscafe.bsky.social
Mental Health Counselor and writer, using ideas as medicine.
Moral perfectionism is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and, as importantly, pride. The question most prominent is, “Did I do the right thing?” It isn’t, “How were my efforts received?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
December 1, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Moral perfectionism is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and, as importantly, pride. The question most prominent is, “Did I do the right thing?” It isn’t, “How were my efforts received?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
While moral perfectionists can take comfort in knowing others are at least considered, although secondary, they should remember that, at least at times, others’ requests ought to override their rules, meaning we do what’s hard for us for another’s sake. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 30, 2025 at 9:09 PM
While moral perfectionists can take comfort in knowing others are at least considered, although secondary, they should remember that, at least at times, others’ requests ought to override their rules, meaning we do what’s hard for us for another’s sake. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer only desired fame on his terms (if anything, it had to prove to him that it deserved to have him in its club). Love solely on one’s terms is undoubtedly narcissistic, but the acquisition of fame in that manner is, and results from, genius. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 30, 2025 at 6:28 PM
Schopenhauer only desired fame on his terms (if anything, it had to prove to him that it deserved to have him in its club). Love solely on one’s terms is undoubtedly narcissistic, but the acquisition of fame in that manner is, and results from, genius. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
The problem is that since few of us can claim to never have been a burden on society, meaning that we all occasionally need help, those who may chronically refuse it can inadvertently make others feel inferior, especially if they offer. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 30, 2025 at 2:58 PM
The problem is that since few of us can claim to never have been a burden on society, meaning that we all occasionally need help, those who may chronically refuse it can inadvertently make others feel inferior, especially if they offer. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
November 30, 2025 at 12:11 PM
Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” For the moral perfectionist, the prominent question is, “Did I do the right thing?” It isn’t, “How were my efforts received?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 29, 2025 at 7:38 PM
Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” For the moral perfectionist, the prominent question is, “Did I do the right thing?” It isn’t, “How were my efforts received?” www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Reposted by Leon’s Existential Cafe
<<We can argue that all of us can’t be a Schopenhauer, but we should remember that, for most of his life, neither was he.>>
November 29, 2025 at 6:39 PM
<<We can argue that all of us can’t be a Schopenhauer, but we should remember that, for most of his life, neither was he.>>
November 29, 2025 at 5:02 PM
Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection (paradoxical; it loves and hates it), for the perfectionist uses their standards and deeds to continuously prove to themself that they can overcome their flawed nature, thereby satiating themself. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 29, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection (paradoxical; it loves and hates it), for the perfectionist uses their standards and deeds to continuously prove to themself that they can overcome their flawed nature, thereby satiating themself. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
With a mix of OCD and ADHD, my mind is always racing; so are my words. I speak how I think and vice versa. While this makes me a capable writer, as I can make various connections between distinct ideas, it makes me significantly struggle as a speaker. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
I'm Not Good at Public Speaking
Personal Perspective: Because I struggle with public speaking, I tend to overemphasize its meaning about me. This is based on perfectionism, or the belief that to be good, I need to be perfect.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 29, 2025 at 2:08 PM
With a mix of OCD and ADHD, my mind is always racing; so are my words. I speak how I think and vice versa. While this makes me a capable writer, as I can make various connections between distinct ideas, it makes me significantly struggle as a speaker. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral perfectionists they tend to ruminate, considering many of their decisions from different vantage points, albeit all of which are solely their own, while using a metaphorical fine comb to clear out indiscernible indiscretions. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 29, 2025 at 4:03 AM
Moral perfectionists they tend to ruminate, considering many of their decisions from different vantage points, albeit all of which are solely their own, while using a metaphorical fine comb to clear out indiscernible indiscretions. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
In the Disney film, Cool Runnings, John Candy’s character astutely asserts that if one isn’t enough without a gold medal, he’ll never be enough with one. Schopenhauer would have agreed: If you don’t deserve acclaim, no amount of it will ever prove you do. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 29, 2025 at 1:34 AM
In the Disney film, Cool Runnings, John Candy’s character astutely asserts that if one isn’t enough without a gold medal, he’ll never be enough with one. Schopenhauer would have agreed: If you don’t deserve acclaim, no amount of it will ever prove you do. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Being good only matters when it positively affects others, at least in the long-term if not the short. Sometimes, however, people become so preoccupied with being good that they aren’t, or at least not as often as they believe themselves to be. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 10:55 PM
Being good only matters when it positively affects others, at least in the long-term if not the short. Sometimes, however, people become so preoccupied with being good that they aren’t, or at least not as often as they believe themselves to be. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Rather than be defined by his credentials, Schopenhauer was defined solely, or mainly, by his name, evidenced by his unwillingness to attach his doctoral credential to the nameplate on his door or have anything other than his name engraved on his tombstone. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 8:12 PM
Rather than be defined by his credentials, Schopenhauer was defined solely, or mainly, by his name, evidenced by his unwillingness to attach his doctoral credential to the nameplate on his door or have anything other than his name engraved on his tombstone. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Reposted by Leon’s Existential Cafe
A really smart reflection on my book by @leonscafe.bsky.social for @psychologytoday.com
Reading @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social’s biography, I knew my patients would identify with it. Arthur addressed fame, recognition, honor, and meaning; additionally, he indirectly addressed indecision by how he lived and the choices he made around his vocation. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 2:59 PM
A really smart reflection on my book by @leonscafe.bsky.social for @psychologytoday.com
Reading @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social’s biography, I knew my patients would identify with it. Arthur addressed fame, recognition, honor, and meaning; additionally, he indirectly addressed indecision by how he lived and the choices he made around his vocation. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Schopenhauer's Advice to Gifted Children
Arthur Schopenhauer's wisdom applies to gifted children and young adults, who often obsess over attaining external validation and finding objective meaning.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 2:29 PM
Reading @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social’s biography, I knew my patients would identify with it. Arthur addressed fame, recognition, honor, and meaning; additionally, he indirectly addressed indecision by how he lived and the choices he made around his vocation. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Therapy doesn’t necessarily free people from their maladaptive patterns, but it always shines a light on previously dismissed paths. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, obsessing, and avoiding are, as addictions, short-term solutions to long-standing problems. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Misunderstanding Therapy as the Pursuit of Happiness
Rather than just aiding the pursuit of happiness, therapy aims to help develop the tolerance for ambivalence and ambiguity while cultivating a more harmonious mind.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 28, 2025 at 12:12 AM
Therapy doesn’t necessarily free people from their maladaptive patterns, but it always shines a light on previously dismissed paths. Perfectionism, people-pleasing, obsessing, and avoiding are, as addictions, short-term solutions to long-standing problems. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Jonathan Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” Moral perfectionism, then, is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and pride. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 8:09 PM
Jonathan Shedler wrote, “Guilt is self-referential. It’s one part of the personality attacking another. The hurt person is secondary.” Moral perfectionism, then, is less about learning, comforting, and connecting and more about self-preservation and pride. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Nancy McWilliams wrote, "The obsessive-compulsive uses words to conceal feelings, not to express them." Instead of saying, "I'm hurt," a patient may say, "I don't care." Instead of conceiving of their emotions as normal, they single themselves out as weak. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Perfectionism Is a Way to Avoid Feeling
Perfectionism and the pursuit of more success, while apparently rational, are driven, in part, by an intense fear of one's emotions.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Nancy McWilliams wrote, "The obsessive-compulsive uses words to conceal feelings, not to express them." Instead of saying, "I'm hurt," a patient may say, "I don't care." Instead of conceiving of their emotions as normal, they single themselves out as weak. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 5:07 PM
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
I finished the book. Excellent on so many levels. His take on fame and his resistance of external validation, as well as struggle with it, had a profound effect on me. I’ll remember this book for the rest of my life. @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social
November 27, 2025 at 4:49 PM
I finished the book. Excellent on so many levels. His take on fame and his resistance of external validation, as well as struggle with it, had a profound effect on me. I’ll remember this book for the rest of my life. @davidbatherwoods.bsky.social
People-pleasers often struggle with making choices, from small to big. So, they often struggle to adapt when making mistakes. This means they frequently double down on bad choices to manage the bubbling shame of having failed. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
People-Pleasing Is a Flawed Way to Exert Control
People-pleasers tend to double down and blame themselves for not doing enough when they're struggling, but this tendency to personalize, while it cultivates hope, is unsustainable.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 1:35 PM
People-pleasers often struggle with making choices, from small to big. So, they often struggle to adapt when making mistakes. This means they frequently double down on bad choices to manage the bubbling shame of having failed. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 27, 2025 at 1:14 AM
Since most of us therapists are people-pleasers, caring deeply about living up to our high standards for the profession, we provide personal interpretations that may not even adequately or even usefully explain much of anything. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
It’s a mistake to believe that self-awareness and self-improvement, defined strictly as gaining insight into your mistaken, rigid judgments that lead to inflexible and self-defeating patterns in order to be better, is therapy’s only or even main goal. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
You're Asking for Too Much When You're Overthinking
While it's honorable to take responsibility for one's failures, personalizing or taking too much responsibility can trigger overthinking, which can lead to missing out on life.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 9:32 PM
It’s a mistake to believe that self-awareness and self-improvement, defined strictly as gaining insight into your mistaken, rigid judgments that lead to inflexible and self-defeating patterns in order to be better, is therapy’s only or even main goal. www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
This discrepancy between what one believes is good and what actually is is prevalent in moral perfectionism, or the obsessive pursuit of moral purity. Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection (paradoxical, as it both loves and hates it). www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...
Moral Perfectionism and the Selfishness of Shame
Moral perfectionism is associated with excessive pride, which often blinds us from others' needs while making us falsely believe that we're good and thoughtful people.
www.psychologytoday.com
November 26, 2025 at 7:13 PM
This discrepancy between what one believes is good and what actually is is prevalent in moral perfectionism, or the obsessive pursuit of moral purity. Moral perfectionism has the self as its object of affection (paradoxical, as it both loves and hates it). www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/perf...