Matthew Christopher
@matthewchristopher.bsky.social
Debut novel: THE FEDORA. Movie nerd.
I’ll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.
Rep’d @jjbker.bsky.social of Bell Lomax Moreton
I’ll bring home the turkey if you bring home the bacon.
Rep’d @jjbker.bsky.social of Bell Lomax Moreton
I feel like @theonion.com has really stepped up its game to deliver the hardest hitting news coverage in these trying times. Exhibit A below:
MS NOW Lures New Viewers With Rotating Gyro Spit In Corner Of Screen
MS NOW Lures New Viewers With Rotating Gyro Spit In Corner Of Screen
NEW YORK—In a continuation of their post-MSNBC rebranding effort, cable news network MS NOW was reportedly luring in new viewers Wednesday with a slowly rotating gyro spit in the corner of all its pro...
theonion.com
December 17, 2025 at 10:43 PM
I feel like @theonion.com has really stepped up its game to deliver the hardest hitting news coverage in these trying times. Exhibit A below:
Reposted by Matthew Christopher
Beer Aisle Scanned For Something Asshole Friend Won’t Mock https://theonion.com/beer-aisle-scanned-for-something-asshole-friend-won-t-m-1823433792/
December 16, 2025 at 10:00 PM
Beer Aisle Scanned For Something Asshole Friend Won’t Mock https://theonion.com/beer-aisle-scanned-for-something-asshole-friend-won-t-m-1823433792/
Reposted by Matthew Christopher
“When it comes to putting together a crew with the skills needed for a bank job or a jewel heist, a majority of Americans reported knowing just one or two guys, tops,” said lead researcher Jane Iannitello
Study Finds 80% Of Americans Lack Social Connections To Pull Off Heist
NEW HAVEN, CT—Shedding new light on a previously undocumented effect of loneliness, a team of psychologists at Yale University found that at least 80% of Americans lack the social connections necessar...
theonion.com
December 12, 2025 at 12:30 AM
“When it comes to putting together a crew with the skills needed for a bank job or a jewel heist, a majority of Americans reported knowing just one or two guys, tops,” said lead researcher Jane Iannitello
This ones in the top of my list when it lands..
We are delighted to announce that Titan Books will be publishing THE FLESH I WANT by @toddsjordan.bsky.social, a captivating literary body horror about desire, the male gaze, and the gory lengths we will go to satisfy our hunger…
Coming February 2027! 🩸
Coming February 2027! 🩸
December 9, 2025 at 7:34 PM
This ones in the top of my list when it lands..
Reposted by Matthew Christopher
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Join The Onion
Don’t just read the news. Feel it. Be among the first to feel the news.
membership.theonion.com
November 28, 2025 at 4:39 PM
Hi everybody,
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
It's Black Friday, a big day for us at The Onion, since we rely almost entirely on your memberships.
Our goal for 2026? More print subscribers than the Washington Post.
This is, somehow, feasible.
So sign up! A year of print is $75 for the year today. Help us do a very funny thing.
Love it!
A 60 second summary of some of the biggest and best sights from #NoKings Day.
Congratulations to every single organizer, volunteer and attendee👏
History.
Congratulations to every single organizer, volunteer and attendee👏
History.
October 19, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Love it!
Peaceful. United. Loud.
No Kings.
Stillwater, MN
No Kings.
Stillwater, MN
October 18, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Peaceful. United. Loud.
No Kings.
Stillwater, MN
No Kings.
Stillwater, MN
Reposted by Matthew Christopher
Kimmel: "This show is not important. What is important is that we get to live in a country that allows us to have a show like this."
September 24, 2025 at 3:45 AM
Kimmel: "This show is not important. What is important is that we get to live in a country that allows us to have a show like this."
Yes please!
September 24, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Yes please!
Reposted by Matthew Christopher
If you think Tylenol is bad for children’s health what until you see what guns do.
September 22, 2025 at 8:41 PM
If you think Tylenol is bad for children’s health what until you see what guns do.
Reposted by Matthew Christopher
Know what creates empathy? Books. Reading about people unlike ourselves and experiences we'll never have. Which is why some people want to remove those books and discourage reading. Kids and adults should read widely. Most spend their spare time online, which is where indoctrination often begins.
September 14, 2025 at 3:33 PM
Know what creates empathy? Books. Reading about people unlike ourselves and experiences we'll never have. Which is why some people want to remove those books and discourage reading. Kids and adults should read widely. Most spend their spare time online, which is where indoctrination often begins.
Reposted by Matthew Christopher
No, Area 53-Year-Old Would Not Like His Drink With Boba
No, Area 53-Year-Old Would Not Like His Drink With Boba
ST. LOUIS—According to several eyewitnesses who were inside local café Panda Bubble Tea on Tuesday, no, 53-year-old man Aaron Strickland would not like “popping boba” in his drink. “Ma’am, I am a vete...
theonion.com
September 6, 2025 at 6:00 PM
No, Area 53-Year-Old Would Not Like His Drink With Boba
Take me back to this era RIGHT NOW!
This They Might Be Giants TONIGHT SHOW performance of "Birdhouse In Your Soul" from 1990 remains firmly lodged in my noggin thanks to the Tonight Show Band's full commitment and Doc Severinsen's incredible trumpeting... It took an already great song and made it transcendent.
August 23, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Take me back to this era RIGHT NOW!
One of the best Onion headlines of the year!
August 19, 2025 at 4:32 AM
One of the best Onion headlines of the year!
For hard hitting news, I place my trust The Onion
August 6, 2025 at 10:02 PM
For hard hitting news, I place my trust The Onion
THIS cover!!
SHE'S ALIVE!!!
And she is *ridiculously* gorgeous omg
And she is *ridiculously* gorgeous omg
July 28, 2025 at 1:42 PM
THIS cover!!
Logic would argue that this is an effective strategy to fact check the orange menace’s lies and deflections. Will it work?
July 26, 2025 at 7:12 PM
Logic would argue that this is an effective strategy to fact check the orange menace’s lies and deflections. Will it work?
When the character you are writing refuses to be killed off…
July 24, 2025 at 2:21 AM
When the character you are writing refuses to be killed off…
Sad news about our old pal Theo.
July 21, 2025 at 10:22 PM
Sad news about our old pal Theo.
Narrowing down the list was agonizing!
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
July 4, 2025 at 2:14 AM
Narrowing down the list was agonizing!
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
www.nytimes.com/interactive/...
INDIANA JONES AND THE JUMBLED CAPTCHA CHALLENGE
INDIANA JONES AND THE EMERGENCY DEADLINE YOU KNEW ABOUT FOR SIX MONTHS
INDIANA JONES AND JUST ASK THE LLM
July 3, 2025 at 12:19 AM
INDIANA JONES AND THE JUMBLED CAPTCHA CHALLENGE
I watched V FOR VENDETTA (2005) last night. I remember seeing it in theaters and thinking “good story, unrealistic”
20 years later…it’s no longer unrealistic. It’s a really uncomfortable watch.
20 years later…it’s no longer unrealistic. It’s a really uncomfortable watch.
a crowd of people wearing masks and top hats with the number 36 on them
Alt: a crowd of people wearing Guy Fawkes masks and wigs
media.tenor.com
July 2, 2025 at 4:56 PM
I watched V FOR VENDETTA (2005) last night. I remember seeing it in theaters and thinking “good story, unrealistic”
20 years later…it’s no longer unrealistic. It’s a really uncomfortable watch.
20 years later…it’s no longer unrealistic. It’s a really uncomfortable watch.
I tend to stay away from carnivals and circuses thanks to @stephenking.bsky.social. I read IT as a teen and now I’m re-reading to exercise the demons. I plan on floating right through this one.
July 1, 2025 at 1:39 AM
I tend to stay away from carnivals and circuses thanks to @stephenking.bsky.social. I read IT as a teen and now I’m re-reading to exercise the demons. I plan on floating right through this one.
Any thoughts on who we should send to investigate?
June 28, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Any thoughts on who we should send to investigate?
Just finished reading Boy’s Life by @robertmccammon.com. What an absolute masterpiece! Small town southern coming of age story with a dash of horror and mystery, and some really heavy themes through the eyes of a 12 year old. Beautifully written!
June 8, 2025 at 7:56 PM
Just finished reading Boy’s Life by @robertmccammon.com. What an absolute masterpiece! Small town southern coming of age story with a dash of horror and mystery, and some really heavy themes through the eyes of a 12 year old. Beautifully written!