Matthew FitzSimmons
@matthewfitzsimmons.bsky.social
Lives in Washington D.C., writes novels, provides shade and a central meeting place at concerts. Rep'd by David Hale Smith at Inkwell Management.
Latest novel is The Slate, available now: https://a.co/d/dDW6gce
Latest novel is The Slate, available now: https://a.co/d/dDW6gce
Pinned
I had a political thriller, The Slate,come out in October before Bluesky exploded. Didn’t mention it here then, so doing it now because that’s just shrewd marketing on my part.
This is like King Lear without a single Cordelia to be found anywhere.
Kristi Noem: "Sir, you made it through hurricane season without a hurricane. You kept the hurricanes away. We appreciate that."
December 3, 2025 at 2:30 PM
This is like King Lear without a single Cordelia to be found anywhere.
People think they know sick burns, and then they meet Mr. Bertrand Russell.
“A stupid man's report of what a clever man says can never be accurate, because he unconsciously translates what he hears into something he can understand.”
— Bertrand Russell
— Bertrand Russell
December 2, 2025 at 8:07 PM
People think they know sick burns, and then they meet Mr. Bertrand Russell.
Did movie stars learn that Phillip Seymour Hoffman had been cast in their next project get excited, or were they like.... fuck, I'm going to get murdered live on celluloid?
December 2, 2025 at 6:19 PM
Did movie stars learn that Phillip Seymour Hoffman had been cast in their next project get excited, or were they like.... fuck, I'm going to get murdered live on celluloid?
Imagine wanting History of the World, Part 2 since you were a kid. Now imagine getting it.
December 2, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Imagine wanting History of the World, Part 2 since you were a kid. Now imagine getting it.
Hey, Tock needs a slice.
December 2, 2025 at 5:57 PM
Hey, Tock needs a slice.
I am concerned for the home lives of people posting sociopathic killers in response to this prompt.
Name your least favorite film character that's a jerk.
December 2, 2025 at 5:35 PM
I am concerned for the home lives of people posting sociopathic killers in response to this prompt.
Reposted by Matthew FitzSimmons
“So the plan is to replace all their jobs with AI”
Five minutes later: “what do you mean, broke people don’t spend as much?”
Five minutes later: “what do you mean, broke people don’t spend as much?”
Gen Z Shoppers Aren’t Spending Like Retailers Need Them To
More than other generations, 20-somethings are tightening their holiday-season budgets because of economic pressures.
www.wsj.com
December 1, 2025 at 5:27 PM
“So the plan is to replace all their jobs with AI”
Five minutes later: “what do you mean, broke people don’t spend as much?”
Five minutes later: “what do you mean, broke people don’t spend as much?”
My favorite things about The Nice Guys is that to keep his streak alive, Shane Black has the final scene takes place in a bar decked out for Christmas.
December 2, 2025 at 5:08 PM
My favorite things about The Nice Guys is that to keep his streak alive, Shane Black has the final scene takes place in a bar decked out for Christmas.
Thank you, sensei.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR: Benicio del Toro, One Battle After Another
December 2, 2025 at 4:44 PM
Thank you, sensei.
The great burden of being Gen X is that you never spell "never mind" right the first time.
December 2, 2025 at 4:43 PM
The great burden of being Gen X is that you never spell "never mind" right the first time.
December 2nd, 2025, the day Patton Oswalt started the annual "Is Jaws a Christmas movie" debate.
With the traditional hanging of the Quint ornament, the Oswalt Family Christmas Season has begun.
December 2, 2025 at 4:42 PM
December 2nd, 2025, the day Patton Oswalt started the annual "Is Jaws a Christmas movie" debate.
The 70s - that magical time when Elliot Gould was a sex symbol.
Remembering today the late 🇺🇸American actor #DavidDoyle (1 December 1929 – 26 February 1997) born #OnThisDay in Lincoln, Nebraska, seen here with co-star Elliott Gould in the action thriller "CAPRICORN ONE" (1977) dir. Peter Hyams
🎬 Warner Bros.
🎬 Warner Bros.
December 2, 2025 at 4:39 PM
The 70s - that magical time when Elliot Gould was a sex symbol.
If I saw the kids from Stranger Things in a high school, I would call the authorities.
December 2, 2025 at 4:38 PM
If I saw the kids from Stranger Things in a high school, I would call the authorities.
I named my fists Pinky and the Brain because I'm about to take over your world.
I named my fists Common and Sense because I'm about to bring the Paine
I named my fists Blood and Meridian because I’m fixing to Judge your ass.
December 2, 2025 at 4:32 PM
I named my fists Pinky and the Brain because I'm about to take over your world.
I'm not sure "exciting" means to Quentin what it means to the rest of us. He's certainly not putting his best foot forward.
December 2, 2025 at 4:28 PM
I'm not sure "exciting" means to Quentin what it means to the rest of us. He's certainly not putting his best foot forward.
What I love about social media is how fantastically drunk someone would need to be to announce this at a party.
I will never be anything other than a firm believer in the jury system. Full stop.
December 2, 2025 at 4:26 PM
What I love about social media is how fantastically drunk someone would need to be to announce this at a party.
I really ought to be finishing my book right now.
December 2, 2025 at 4:20 PM
I really ought to be finishing my book right now.
I would watch a Die Hard prequel that is just Ellis macking on the ladies and making that green.
December 2, 2025 at 4:19 PM
I would watch a Die Hard prequel that is just Ellis macking on the ladies and making that green.
The Fresh Prince of Jerk Heaven, and it's not even close.
December 2, 2025 at 4:14 PM
The Fresh Prince of Jerk Heaven, and it's not even close.
Highlander is a fucking terrible franchise. Clancy Brown at least gave a fuck and redeems the first one. Queen also rocks.
December 2, 2025 at 3:28 PM
Highlander is a fucking terrible franchise. Clancy Brown at least gave a fuck and redeems the first one. Queen also rocks.
This was originally a prime time show in '61, but later was a staple on Saturday mornings.
December 2, 2025 at 3:18 PM
This was originally a prime time show in '61, but later was a staple on Saturday mornings.
Lost in the discussion of whether the second strike constitutes a war crime is the fact that the first strike is itself a war crime.
December 2, 2025 at 2:15 PM
Lost in the discussion of whether the second strike constitutes a war crime is the fact that the first strike is itself a war crime.
With seventeen days to deadline, I no longer have a sense whether these one hundred and forty-four thousand words tell a coherent story. That used to make me panic, the fear that I had lost any sort of objectivity about my own work, but with experience I know it's an inevitable part of the process.
December 2, 2025 at 2:13 PM
With seventeen days to deadline, I no longer have a sense whether these one hundred and forty-four thousand words tell a coherent story. That used to make me panic, the fear that I had lost any sort of objectivity about my own work, but with experience I know it's an inevitable part of the process.
Olivia Nuzzi’s Memoir Is Self-Serious and Altogether Disappointing
www.nytimes.com
December 2, 2025 at 1:05 PM