Middle Age Riot
@middleageriot.bsky.social
Jokes by John Hartzell. He/him.
LEFT: Mark Kelly, shirt covered with medals.
RIGHT: Pete Hegseth, shirt covered with booze.
RIGHT: Pete Hegseth, shirt covered with booze.
November 24, 2025 at 8:33 PM
LEFT: Mark Kelly, shirt covered with medals.
RIGHT: Pete Hegseth, shirt covered with booze.
RIGHT: Pete Hegseth, shirt covered with booze.
PHOTO: Donald Trump welcomes Zohran Mamdani to the White House.
November 22, 2025 at 4:07 PM
PHOTO: Donald Trump welcomes Zohran Mamdani to the White House.
A wild animal is at its most dangerous when it is cornered. That goes double when the animal is also stupid.
November 21, 2025 at 3:15 PM
A wild animal is at its most dangerous when it is cornered. That goes double when the animal is also stupid.
DEAR MAGA SHITHEADS: These are Arabic numerals.
November 20, 2025 at 10:31 PM
DEAR MAGA SHITHEADS: These are Arabic numerals.
"How dare you accuse this murderer of murdering someone he murdered."
November 19, 2025 at 3:55 PM
"How dare you accuse this murderer of murdering someone he murdered."
"Did I ever thank you for making my building the tallest in New York City?"
November 18, 2025 at 9:43 PM
"Did I ever thank you for making my building the tallest in New York City?"
"Bone saws are fine in a pinch, my crown prince, but imagine how many journalists you could kill with an F-35 fighter jet."
November 18, 2025 at 3:45 PM
"Bone saws are fine in a pinch, my crown prince, but imagine how many journalists you could kill with an F-35 fighter jet."
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Find someone who will defend you with the same ferocity that Megyn Kelly defends pedophiles.
November 17, 2025 at 4:11 PM
RELATIONSHIP ADVICE: Find someone who will defend you with the same ferocity that Megyn Kelly defends pedophiles.
FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."
DJT: "I did not blow Bill Clinton."
JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."
DJT: "I did not blow Bill Clinton."
November 16, 2025 at 8:39 PM
FDR: "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."
JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."
DJT: "I did not blow Bill Clinton."
JFK: "Ask not what your country can do for you. Ask what you can do for your country."
DJT: "I did not blow Bill Clinton."
MAGA: "Libtards post the same 50-plus photos of Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein together like it's some kind of proof they knew each other."
November 16, 2025 at 2:35 PM
MAGA: "Libtards post the same 50-plus photos of Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein together like it's some kind of proof they knew each other."
"Not a child rapist" should be the bare minimum requirement for the president of the United States.
Should be.
Should be.
November 15, 2025 at 11:13 PM
"Not a child rapist" should be the bare minimum requirement for the president of the United States.
Should be.
Should be.
"Don't release the files that exonerate me." - no innocent person ever
November 14, 2025 at 10:32 PM
"Don't release the files that exonerate me." - no innocent person ever
If the Epstein files prove that Bill Clinton raped children, he should go to jail.
See how easy that was, Republicans?
See how easy that was, Republicans?
November 13, 2025 at 3:31 PM
If the Epstein files prove that Bill Clinton raped children, he should go to jail.
See how easy that was, Republicans?
See how easy that was, Republicans?
BELOW: Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein just hoaxing around.
November 12, 2025 at 10:59 PM
BELOW: Donald Trump and Jeffrey Epstein just hoaxing around.
Today's Republican Party is almost completely defined by how far they'll go to protect a pedophile.
November 12, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Today's Republican Party is almost completely defined by how far they'll go to protect a pedophile.
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt has accused Democrats of "selectively" leaking to the "liberal media" only emails that "prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Donald Trump is a fucking child rapist."
November 12, 2025 at 6:42 PM
White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt has accused Democrats of "selectively" leaking to the "liberal media" only emails that "prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Donald Trump is a fucking child rapist."
RULE OF THUMB: Five-time draft dodgers should shut the fuck up on Veterans Day.
November 11, 2025 at 9:16 PM
RULE OF THUMB: Five-time draft dodgers should shut the fuck up on Veterans Day.
This Veterans Day it is important to remember that Donald Trump is doing everything in his power to keep veterans from receiving their SNAP food benefits.
November 11, 2025 at 3:10 PM
This Veterans Day it is important to remember that Donald Trump is doing everything in his power to keep veterans from receiving their SNAP food benefits.
"I promise there will be a vote in December to extend healthcare subsidies. I mean it this time."
November 10, 2025 at 2:38 PM
"I promise there will be a vote in December to extend healthcare subsidies. I mean it this time."
Football fans booing Donald Trump should be the new national anthem.
November 10, 2025 at 12:28 AM
Football fans booing Donald Trump should be the new national anthem.
Women have ruined the workplace for mediocre men who have to rationalize over and over again the promotion of other mediocre men.
November 9, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Women have ruined the workplace for mediocre men who have to rationalize over and over again the promotion of other mediocre men.
In Donald Trump's dreams, he is eating Big Macs on Air Force One and flying to Epstein's rape Island with Ivanka, who is wearing Erika Kirk's leather pants.
November 8, 2025 at 2:46 PM
In Donald Trump's dreams, he is eating Big Macs on Air Force One and flying to Epstein's rape Island with Ivanka, who is wearing Erika Kirk's leather pants.
HE. DOESN'T. GIVE. A. FUCK. ABOUT. ANYONE. BUT. HIMSELF.
November 6, 2025 at 9:07 PM
HE. DOESN'T. GIVE. A. FUCK. ABOUT. ANYONE. BUT. HIMSELF.
As Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi knew her shit, didn't take any shit, and had her shit together.
Mike Johnson, on the other hand, is full of shit, doesn't do shit, and is scared shitless of Trump.
Mike Johnson, on the other hand, is full of shit, doesn't do shit, and is scared shitless of Trump.
November 6, 2025 at 7:03 PM
As Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi knew her shit, didn't take any shit, and had her shit together.
Mike Johnson, on the other hand, is full of shit, doesn't do shit, and is scared shitless of Trump.
Mike Johnson, on the other hand, is full of shit, doesn't do shit, and is scared shitless of Trump.
PREDICTION: Donald Trump's grave will be America's busiest gender neutral bathroom.
November 6, 2025 at 1:29 AM
PREDICTION: Donald Trump's grave will be America's busiest gender neutral bathroom.