Author | Lightnews

Mike Keenan

@mikekeenan.bsky.social

410 followers 570 following 480 posts

Comedian, Dad, Husband. Not necessarily in that order. Playing Age : Middle. Nominated for Best Debut Show at Leicester Comedy Festival 2025.

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Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · Nov 14

"I'll do the jokes mate... you shut your mouth"

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Reposted by Mike Keenan

Ewamore, Quoth the Raven @ewacat.bsky.social · Aug 1

If you're looking for the clown, he's two storm drains over

little raccoon in a US storm drain peering through the gap looking innocent as only chaotic little raccoons do

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Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 21h

I’ve just been to the world’s worst planetarium.

One star.

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Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 1d

Majestic.

A sad little England flag, wrapped around a lamppost, tattered and rain soaked.

Another England Flag, dangling limply above a set of traffic lights. It seems to scream “have mercy, kill me”

Finally, another England flag which has partly detached from the lamppost which some knuckle-dragging imbecile has lashed it onto.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 2d

Your clocks go back tonight. So you get an extra hour in bed.

Top tip. If you set them 2 hours back, you get an extra 2 hours in bed.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 2d

There's many a slip 'twixt the cup and the lip hence the appalling state of my carpet.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 4d

Just back from a few days in Paris. Can someone show me how to use Vinted?

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 5d

If you can smell French toast, you may be having un accident vasculaire cérébral.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 7d

My son made his stand up debut today at The Frog. After Me and then his sister, he completes the Keenan Rule of Three.

He smashed it, great jokes and fantastic presence. If he wins an award before me we’re going to fall out.

Well done son. Let’s carshare to gigs but I’m expecting petrol money.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 7d

There’s only one thing worse than being talked about and that’s being named and shamed on a local Facebook group.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 8d

Overheard at tonight’s gig.

“That last comedian is being really creepy, I think he’s hiding behind that door and typing everything we say into his phone to post online…”

Reposted by Mike Keenan

Neil Norman And His Cosmic Orchestra @fubsyshabaroon.bsky.social · 10d

Rubbish. Not a single one of them looks even remotely like Bruce.

FROM THE MAKERS OF POLDARK
THE FORSYTES
Monday 20th October

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Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 11d

“Joe isn’t my son, he couldn’t be my son…. But (Jonathan) Ross is!”

#CelebrityTraitors

Reposted by Mike Keenan

Justin Edwards @bigedwards.bsky.social · 15d

#beermatoftheday

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Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 17d

Couldn’t get into tonight’s gig.

A warning sign stating “No studs in the bar area”.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 20d

“Give it to me straight Dr Schrödinger”
“Well… there’s good news and bad news”.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 21d

I’m still getting a 24 inch pizza and 6 hotdogs on the way out.

A news story announcing that weight loss drugs are soon to be sold at that bastion of fitness and restraint, Costco.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 23d

The Argos catalogue!

I’m going to circle the Transformers.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 24d

Kicked the Bouquet.

Rest in peace Kitty.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 27d

Wherever I lay my hat, that’s “the wrong place” and do I “not know where the fucking hatstand is?”

“Jesus Christ, it’s like living with a child. Learn to put your hats away Mike, you scruffy bastard”.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 28d

Don’t eat it pink!

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · 28d

I know this shouldn’t be the takeaway but I’m genuinely curious as to what swan tastes like.

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Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · Sep 26

Well, if migrants are poaching and abusing local parks, I for one think that it’s fantastic they’re taking on traditional British values.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · Sep 25

Great to see that the knuckle dragging racists are all suddenly concerned for the welfare of our geese which are *checks notes* migratory.

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Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · Sep 25

Bought this and then started a fight at a petrol station.

Mike Keenan @mikekeenan.bsky.social · Sep 20

Her : I love it when F1 sessions are called to a halt.

Me : Ooh, that’s a red flag.