5 Second Film Reviews
@opusga.bsky.social
Concise film reviews (mostly). Watching a lot of bad films so you don't have to.
🎬 So this started off with a naked alien(?) feeling herself up like she just got skin. This was repeated twice more and has zero to do with the movie... thanks?
Stupid Michael Weatherly had to go and elevate the material to the point where it was actually watchable. What an asshole.
Stupid Michael Weatherly had to go and elevate the material to the point where it was actually watchable. What an asshole.
www.imdb.com
February 6, 2026 at 7:17 PM
🎬 So this started off with a naked alien(?) feeling herself up like she just got skin. This was repeated twice more and has zero to do with the movie... thanks?
Stupid Michael Weatherly had to go and elevate the material to the point where it was actually watchable. What an asshole.
Stupid Michael Weatherly had to go and elevate the material to the point where it was actually watchable. What an asshole.
🎬 What a strange movie. Hardly any action. It’s almost like he decided to give real acting a shot and surprisingly even though the plot was stupid as hell - sorta pulled it off.
The Patriot (1998) ⭐ 4.2 | Action, Thriller
1h 30m | R
www.imdb.com
February 5, 2026 at 7:56 PM
🎬 What a strange movie. Hardly any action. It’s almost like he decided to give real acting a shot and surprisingly even though the plot was stupid as hell - sorta pulled it off.
🎬 In the grand scheme of things it’s not THAT bad.
The Glimmer Man (1996) ⭐ 5.4 | Action, Comedy, Crime
1h 31m | R
www.imdb.com
February 4, 2026 at 7:06 PM
🎬 In the grand scheme of things it’s not THAT bad.
🎬 This is absolutely awful. The first one was hilarious but this one - ugh. The jokes are so stale, the directing atrocious, and he is no Eddie Griffin.
The Man has been replaced by his gay son who is peddling a drug called Woke. Ham fisted mess of a movie.
The Man has been replaced by his gay son who is peddling a drug called Woke. Ham fisted mess of a movie.
Undercover Brother 2 (2019) ⭐ 3.4 | Comedy
1h 24m | R
www.imdb.com
February 3, 2026 at 6:27 PM
🎬 This is absolutely awful. The first one was hilarious but this one - ugh. The jokes are so stale, the directing atrocious, and he is no Eddie Griffin.
The Man has been replaced by his gay son who is peddling a drug called Woke. Ham fisted mess of a movie.
The Man has been replaced by his gay son who is peddling a drug called Woke. Ham fisted mess of a movie.
🎬 A bit long and a bit convoluted and/or silly but one of his better post Under Siege films.
Into the Sun (2005) ⭐ 4.3 | Action, Thriller
1h 37m | R
www.imdb.com
February 2, 2026 at 7:53 PM
🎬 A bit long and a bit convoluted and/or silly but one of his better post Under Siege films.
🎬 Probably my favorite Harryhausen work. The surrounding actors are generally crap. The animated animal has the most personality by far.
These monster movies always assume you are rooting for the humans but I never do, even though I know I’ll be disappointed.
Masterclass this one.
These monster movies always assume you are rooting for the humans but I never do, even though I know I’ll be disappointed.
Masterclass this one.
20 Million Miles to Earth (1957) ⭐ 6.3 | Adventure, Family, Fantasy
1h 22m | Approved
www.imdb.com
February 1, 2026 at 7:47 PM
🎬 Probably my favorite Harryhausen work. The surrounding actors are generally crap. The animated animal has the most personality by far.
These monster movies always assume you are rooting for the humans but I never do, even though I know I’ll be disappointed.
Masterclass this one.
These monster movies always assume you are rooting for the humans but I never do, even though I know I’ll be disappointed.
Masterclass this one.
🎬 And while the 80s had the best movies they also had some real awful ones as well. This one is terrible.
After the big nuke society has gone back to caveman type days where people replace words like see with scan and other stupidity.
cont...
After the big nuke society has gone back to caveman type days where people replace words like see with scan and other stupidity.
cont...
America 3000 (1986) ⭐ 4.2 | Action, Adventure, Comedy
1h 32m | PG-13
www.imdb.com
January 31, 2026 at 7:29 PM
🎬 And while the 80s had the best movies they also had some real awful ones as well. This one is terrible.
After the big nuke society has gone back to caveman type days where people replace words like see with scan and other stupidity.
cont...
After the big nuke society has gone back to caveman type days where people replace words like see with scan and other stupidity.
cont...
RIP Catherine O’Hara. Such a lovely comedic talent.
January 30, 2026 at 6:31 PM
RIP Catherine O’Hara. Such a lovely comedic talent.
🎬 Revenge story where a criminal meets a scientist who turns him invisible to get revenge on his turncoat partners.
Totally predictable with not much special going for it other than a new translucent effect as he transfused himself to become visible again and is stopped halfway.
Totally predictable with not much special going for it other than a new translucent effect as he transfused himself to become visible again and is stopped halfway.
The Invisible Man's Revenge (1944) ⭐ 5.7 | Crime, Horror, Mystery
1h 18m | Approved
www.imdb.com
January 29, 2026 at 10:59 PM
🎬 Revenge story where a criminal meets a scientist who turns him invisible to get revenge on his turncoat partners.
Totally predictable with not much special going for it other than a new translucent effect as he transfused himself to become visible again and is stopped halfway.
Totally predictable with not much special going for it other than a new translucent effect as he transfused himself to become visible again and is stopped halfway.
🎬 Invisible man goes undercover to spy on the Nazis. The weakest of the bunch so far. Lots of time wasted on romance rather than spying. Some decent effects of putting makeup on to reveal the invisible person. Really good leap in FX for only 2 years.
Invisible Agent (1942) ⭐ 5.9 | Adventure, Horror, Romance
1h 21m | Approved
www.imdb.com
January 29, 2026 at 9:58 PM
🎬 Invisible man goes undercover to spy on the Nazis. The weakest of the bunch so far. Lots of time wasted on romance rather than spying. Some decent effects of putting makeup on to reveal the invisible person. Really good leap in FX for only 2 years.
🎬 So this is a “comedy” that really isn’t funny at all. It’s horribly over the top and silly.
However the effects, while more simple than Return of the Invisible Man, are more effective. Weird how they changed the origin from chemical injection to a Frankenstein type machine.
However the effects, while more simple than Return of the Invisible Man, are more effective. Weird how they changed the origin from chemical injection to a Frankenstein type machine.
The Invisible Woman (1940) ⭐ 5.9 | Comedy, Horror, Romance
1h 12m | Approved
www.imdb.com
January 28, 2026 at 8:21 PM
🎬 So this is a “comedy” that really isn’t funny at all. It’s horribly over the top and silly.
However the effects, while more simple than Return of the Invisible Man, are more effective. Weird how they changed the origin from chemical injection to a Frankenstein type machine.
However the effects, while more simple than Return of the Invisible Man, are more effective. Weird how they changed the origin from chemical injection to a Frankenstein type machine.
🎬 Vincent Price in an early role, before perfecting his “voice”, goes invisible to escape prison and find the real killer.
While not as good as the original, even effects wise (except for a chair compressing to simulate sitting), it’s a solid film nicely showing a gradual decent into madness.
While not as good as the original, even effects wise (except for a chair compressing to simulate sitting), it’s a solid film nicely showing a gradual decent into madness.
The Invisible Man Returns (1940) ⭐ 6.4 | Drama, Horror, Mystery
1h 21m | Approved
www.imdb.com
January 27, 2026 at 8:18 PM
🎬 Vincent Price in an early role, before perfecting his “voice”, goes invisible to escape prison and find the real killer.
While not as good as the original, even effects wise (except for a chair compressing to simulate sitting), it’s a solid film nicely showing a gradual decent into madness.
While not as good as the original, even effects wise (except for a chair compressing to simulate sitting), it’s a solid film nicely showing a gradual decent into madness.
🎬 Oof
“Borrowed” liberally from Shining, Exorcist, and Evil Dead - and not in a good way.
“Borrowed” liberally from Shining, Exorcist, and Evil Dead - and not in a good way.
Wages of Sin (2006) ⭐ 2.7 | Horror
1h 33m | Not Rated
www.imdb.com
January 26, 2026 at 6:55 PM
🎬 Oof
“Borrowed” liberally from Shining, Exorcist, and Evil Dead - and not in a good way.
“Borrowed” liberally from Shining, Exorcist, and Evil Dead - and not in a good way.
🎬 So the Invisible Man is kind of a dick. I know the drug makes him crazy but still.
Anyway this is really cool effect wise for the time. Really quite good.
Anyway this is really cool effect wise for the time. Really quite good.
The Invisible Man (1933) ⭐ 7.6 | Horror, Sci-Fi
1h 11m | Approved
www.imdb.com
January 25, 2026 at 8:00 PM
🎬 So the Invisible Man is kind of a dick. I know the drug makes him crazy but still.
Anyway this is really cool effect wise for the time. Really quite good.
Anyway this is really cool effect wise for the time. Really quite good.
🎬 A JCVD movie without any JCVDness. Literally anyone could have played his role. A poorly executed siege movie with badly filmed gunplay. How do you cast him and not use him properly? It’s just odd.
Second in Command (2006)
Armed insurgents attempt a coup d'etat in a troubled Eastern European country, and the president flees to the U.S. embassy for protection. When the U.S. ambassador is murdered by the ruthless and gun-...
letterboxd.com
January 24, 2026 at 8:07 PM
🎬 A JCVD movie without any JCVDness. Literally anyone could have played his role. A poorly executed siege movie with badly filmed gunplay. How do you cast him and not use him properly? It’s just odd.
🎬 This movie is a blast! Cheesy in a great way with crappy yet cool effects and a ton of non-stop fun.
Must see!
Must see!
Space Truckers (1996)
John Canyon is one of the last independent space transport entrepreneurs. Rough times force him to carry suspicious cargo to Earth without questions being asked. During the flight the cargo turns out ...
letterboxd.com
January 23, 2026 at 9:28 PM
🎬 This movie is a blast! Cheesy in a great way with crappy yet cool effects and a ton of non-stop fun.
Must see!
Must see!
🎬 Hilarious - especially when Gunther finally makes his appearance. Totally dug it except the during credits scene. Not needed and I would have cut it.
Killing Gunther (2017)
A group of eccentric assassins are fed up with Gunther, the world's greatest hitman, and decide to kill him – but their plan turns into a series of bungled encounters as Gunther seems to always be one...
letterboxd.com
January 22, 2026 at 7:56 PM
🎬 Hilarious - especially when Gunther finally makes his appearance. Totally dug it except the during credits scene. Not needed and I would have cut it.
So this site is no longer loading IMDB previews when the link is attached. Not sure what to do now... Tried multiple browsers and my phone - no go. Thought yesterdays post was a bug. Crap.
January 22, 2026 at 7:49 PM
So this site is no longer loading IMDB previews when the link is attached. Not sure what to do now... Tried multiple browsers and my phone - no go. Thought yesterdays post was a bug. Crap.
🎬 This being mostly Japanese should have been my first warning.
This is a typical caught underground where people start seeing things movie. Some good bodysuit fx but overall fairly boring and predictable.
This is a typical caught underground where people start seeing things movie. Some good bodysuit fx but overall fairly boring and predictable.
www.imdb.com
January 22, 2026 at 2:48 AM
🎬 This being mostly Japanese should have been my first warning.
This is a typical caught underground where people start seeing things movie. Some good bodysuit fx but overall fairly boring and predictable.
This is a typical caught underground where people start seeing things movie. Some good bodysuit fx but overall fairly boring and predictable.
🎬 Surprisingly ok. Not much in the way of action and it’s another of his “message” movies - but the supporting cast is so good and the photography so spectacular (especially the burning church) that any issues of stupidity in the script are easily forgotten.
Fire Down Below (1997) ⭐ 5.2 | Action, Drama, Thriller
1h 45m | R
www.imdb.com
January 21, 2026 at 6:45 PM
🎬 Surprisingly ok. Not much in the way of action and it’s another of his “message” movies - but the supporting cast is so good and the photography so spectacular (especially the burning church) that any issues of stupidity in the script are easily forgotten.
🎬 Society has advanced with space travel to make a planet a prison of mining, yet people still are packing revolvers.
I know it’s supposed to be basically a western and all but still. The tech in the movie is just wrong for the premise.
Otherwise it’s a typical bad B movie. Nothing special at all.
I know it’s supposed to be basically a western and all but still. The tech in the movie is just wrong for the premise.
Otherwise it’s a typical bad B movie. Nothing special at all.
Space Rage (1985) ⭐ 3.8 | Action, Drama, Sci-Fi
1h 17m | R
www.imdb.com
January 20, 2026 at 9:20 PM
🎬 Society has advanced with space travel to make a planet a prison of mining, yet people still are packing revolvers.
I know it’s supposed to be basically a western and all but still. The tech in the movie is just wrong for the premise.
Otherwise it’s a typical bad B movie. Nothing special at all.
I know it’s supposed to be basically a western and all but still. The tech in the movie is just wrong for the premise.
Otherwise it’s a typical bad B movie. Nothing special at all.
🎬 One of the original Full Moon movies - its... ok. Haven’t seen it since it first hit VHS.
The highlight is obviously Ms. Fenn. But overall the other scenery is decent as well. The plot is sort of a Beauty and the Beast type thing that doesn’t work all that well. I suppose worth seeing... maybe.
The highlight is obviously Ms. Fenn. But overall the other scenery is decent as well. The plot is sort of a Beauty and the Beast type thing that doesn’t work all that well. I suppose worth seeing... maybe.
Meridian (Video 1990) ⭐ 5.0 | Drama, Fantasy, Horror
1h 25m | R
www.imdb.com
January 19, 2026 at 8:56 PM
🎬 One of the original Full Moon movies - its... ok. Haven’t seen it since it first hit VHS.
The highlight is obviously Ms. Fenn. But overall the other scenery is decent as well. The plot is sort of a Beauty and the Beast type thing that doesn’t work all that well. I suppose worth seeing... maybe.
The highlight is obviously Ms. Fenn. But overall the other scenery is decent as well. The plot is sort of a Beauty and the Beast type thing that doesn’t work all that well. I suppose worth seeing... maybe.
🎬 Quite dumb prison break movie. And with a PG-13 rating it’s like an episode of the A-Team - people die but it’s indirect with no blood.
Sort of Under Siege in a prison.
Sort of Under Siege in a prison.
Half Past Dead (2002) ⭐ 4.6 | Action, Crime, Thriller
1h 38m | PG-13
www.imdb.com
January 18, 2026 at 7:47 PM
🎬 Quite dumb prison break movie. And with a PG-13 rating it’s like an episode of the A-Team - people die but it’s indirect with no blood.
Sort of Under Siege in a prison.
Sort of Under Siege in a prison.
🎬 This was sure a different role for Jennifer Lopez and she did a great job, yet it was just an ok movie. I don’t think that it lived up to the hype that surrounded it at the time. Can't put my finger on why exactly though.
Hustlers (2019) ⭐ 6.3 | Comedy, Crime, Drama
1h 50m | R
www.imdb.com
January 17, 2026 at 7:33 PM
🎬 This was sure a different role for Jennifer Lopez and she did a great job, yet it was just an ok movie. I don’t think that it lived up to the hype that surrounded it at the time. Can't put my finger on why exactly though.
🎬 Holy shit this was funny. Ricky Gervais is truly a comedic genius. I can see bits of the makings of After Life in this.
The Invention of Lying (2009) ⭐ 6.4 | Comedy, Fantasy, Romance
1h 40m | PG-13
www.imdb.com
January 16, 2026 at 7:15 PM
🎬 Holy shit this was funny. Ricky Gervais is truly a comedic genius. I can see bits of the makings of After Life in this.