Paul "8647" Hoffman • Antifascist anecdotes, free of charge
@paulhoffman.bsky.social
Fascists need not reply. They need not exist, to be perfectly honest.
The Onion headline writes itself:
"Trump Administration Announces Life Now Optional"
"Trump Administration Announces Life Now Optional"
The Trump-appointed head of the federal panel that recommends vaccines is saying that polio and measles vaccines—and perhaps every vaccine—should be optional. trib.al/bOi5cBS
January 23, 2026 at 10:20 PM
The Onion headline writes itself:
"Trump Administration Announces Life Now Optional"
"Trump Administration Announces Life Now Optional"
I'm not sure Mighty Mikey really means *eternally* grateful, given that he has sold his soul to Satan and so, presumably, won't be eternally grateful for much of anything. Unless he likes being flayed alive while his parts are going through the penis flattener, that is.
Mike Johnson: "I was the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy exactly one year before Roe. A lot of people tried to convince my very young parents that they should just take care of that problem. But I am eternally grateful that they allowed me the chance at life."
January 23, 2026 at 10:16 PM
I'm not sure Mighty Mikey really means *eternally* grateful, given that he has sold his soul to Satan and so, presumably, won't be eternally grateful for much of anything. Unless he likes being flayed alive while his parts are going through the penis flattener, that is.
Representative Chris Smith (R–Cloudcuckooland) sez:
"Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence. [...] I must now go put some of my essence into a dirty gym sock to protect it from the hard-core commie anti-white paid agitators!"
"Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence. [...] I must now go put some of my essence into a dirty gym sock to protect it from the hard-core commie anti-white paid agitators!"
Rep. Chris Smith: "The abortion pill -- mifepristone -- is baby poison ... we now know that the abortion bill -- we've long expected this -- is extremely dangerous to women" (this is a lie)
January 23, 2026 at 6:59 PM
Representative Chris Smith (R–Cloudcuckooland) sez:
"Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence. [...] I must now go put some of my essence into a dirty gym sock to protect it from the hard-core commie anti-white paid agitators!"
"Women sense my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women, but I do deny them my essence. [...] I must now go put some of my essence into a dirty gym sock to protect it from the hard-core commie anti-white paid agitators!"
ICE thug sez:
"I will now go do some data entry."
[...time passes...]
"Wait, is it F3 or F4? Damn, I think I have one of those viruses. OK, control alt delete and start over."
[...time passes...]
"Yes, I'll hold."
[...time passes...]
"I will now go do some data entry."
[...time passes...]
"Wait, is it F3 or F4? Damn, I think I have one of those viruses. OK, control alt delete and start over."
[...time passes...]
"Yes, I'll hold."
[...time passes...]
ICE agent asked why he's taking pictures of a legal observer's car, replies: "Cuz we have a nice little database and now you're considered a domestic terrorist. So have fun with that."
January 23, 2026 at 6:11 PM
ICE thug sez:
"I will now go do some data entry."
[...time passes...]
"Wait, is it F3 or F4? Damn, I think I have one of those viruses. OK, control alt delete and start over."
[...time passes...]
"Yes, I'll hold."
[...time passes...]
"I will now go do some data entry."
[...time passes...]
"Wait, is it F3 or F4? Damn, I think I have one of those viruses. OK, control alt delete and start over."
[...time passes...]
"Yes, I'll hold."
[...time passes...]
Again, to understand what Trump's really saying, just substitute the N-word for each occurrence of "Somalian".
It's just as simple as that.
It's just as simple as that.
Trump: "They're paid agitators and insurrectionists. Nobody talks about the fact that $19 billion at a minimum is missing in Minnesota, given to a large degree by Somalians. They've taken it. Somalians. A lot of very low IQ people."
January 20, 2026 at 9:48 PM
Again, to understand what Trump's really saying, just substitute the N-word for each occurrence of "Somalian".
It's just as simple as that.
It's just as simple as that.
I haven't seen anything to indicate that oil changed hands. Who bought it? Or was it just a cash payment, i.e., extortion money? Or is the money a phantasm, a MacGuffin that drives a fascist immorality play warning others that the jackboot can come down on them, too?
www.semafor.com/article/01/1...
www.semafor.com/article/01/1...
Exclusive: US gets first $500 million Venezuelan oil deal, holding some proceeds in Qatar
The details shared with Semafor mark an initial milestone in the administration’s plan following the ouster of Nicolás Maduro.
www.semafor.com
January 19, 2026 at 4:30 PM
I haven't seen anything to indicate that oil changed hands. Who bought it? Or was it just a cash payment, i.e., extortion money? Or is the money a phantasm, a MacGuffin that drives a fascist immorality play warning others that the jackboot can come down on them, too?
www.semafor.com/article/01/1...
www.semafor.com/article/01/1...
*Urgh!* The last thing I want to see at this point is naked American imperialism, i.e., Trump And Friends And Their Wan, Wee Fungi.
(Blind me with a Sharp Oon!)
Thank you for your continued support.
(Blind me with a Sharp Oon!)
Thank you for your continued support.
With Trump, we see American imperialism with no clothes. Naked and vain. American imperialism is not just morally wrong. It is strategically disastrous.
I wrote this essay in March 2025 when Vance visited Greenland, and it is unfortunately still too relevant.
snyder.substack.com/p/vance-in-g...
I wrote this essay in March 2025 when Vance visited Greenland, and it is unfortunately still too relevant.
snyder.substack.com/p/vance-in-g...
The Imperialism Has no Clothes
JD Vance in Greenland
snyder.substack.com
January 6, 2026 at 2:06 PM
*Urgh!* The last thing I want to see at this point is naked American imperialism, i.e., Trump And Friends And Their Wan, Wee Fungi.
(Blind me with a Sharp Oon!)
Thank you for your continued support.
(Blind me with a Sharp Oon!)
Thank you for your continued support.
Introducing Joey Gerbils, a.k.a. the Mouth of Sore-on.* (Wee funguses are very delicate and slobberchomping on them must be kept to a minimum, which is a vexing challenge for His Horrangeousness.)
*Miller was unable to locate a Hard-on to whom he could hitch his star, i.e., apply his mouthparts.
*Miller was unable to locate a Hard-on to whom he could hitch his star, i.e., apply his mouthparts.
MILLER: The US is using its military to secure our interests unapologetically in our hemisphere. We're a superpower. It's absurd we'd allow a nation in our backyard to become a supplier of resources to our adversaries
TAPPER: Sovereign countries shouldn't be able to do what they want?
M: *yells*
TAPPER: Sovereign countries shouldn't be able to do what they want?
M: *yells*
January 6, 2026 at 1:55 PM
Introducing Joey Gerbils, a.k.a. the Mouth of Sore-on.* (Wee funguses are very delicate and slobberchomping on them must be kept to a minimum, which is a vexing challenge for His Horrangeousness.)
*Miller was unable to locate a Hard-on to whom he could hitch his star, i.e., apply his mouthparts.
*Miller was unable to locate a Hard-on to whom he could hitch his star, i.e., apply his mouthparts.
Stephen Miller has thought about this issue long and hard,¹ obviously. I understand he's finally found a doctor willing to prescribe Viagra for him² to treat this particular problem. The only obstacle remaining is that...
¹MAGA-speak for short and soft.
²Technically, his alter ego, Joey Gerbils.
¹MAGA-speak for short and soft.
²Technically, his alter ego, Joey Gerbils.
sure sure you can have hegemony by trade, ideology and cultural influence, but does that make your dick hard?
January 6, 2026 at 1:44 PM
Stephen Miller has thought about this issue long and hard,¹ obviously. I understand he's finally found a doctor willing to prescribe Viagra for him² to treat this particular problem. The only obstacle remaining is that...
¹MAGA-speak for short and soft.
²Technically, his alter ego, Joey Gerbils.
¹MAGA-speak for short and soft.
²Technically, his alter ego, Joey Gerbils.
Stephen "Thing 2.0" Miller will lead the magnificent charge of white people across the tundra and into a deep ravine. Oops! Long blond hair streaming back along his temples like Richard Mulligan's Custer.
(Is there tundra in Greenland? I assume so, but I have been wrong before. Many times!)
(Is there tundra in Greenland? I assume so, but I have been wrong before. Many times!)
TAPPER: “So you won’t take it off the table that 🇺🇸 won’t use military force to seize Greenland?”
STEPHEN MILLER: *laughs*, says nobody would fight us for it — despite European nations saying it would end NATO (which Putin would love)
Bottom line: The guardrails are gone
STEPHEN MILLER: *laughs*, says nobody would fight us for it — despite European nations saying it would end NATO (which Putin would love)
Bottom line: The guardrails are gone
January 6, 2026 at 1:22 AM
Stephen "Thing 2.0" Miller will lead the magnificent charge of white people across the tundra and into a deep ravine. Oops! Long blond hair streaming back along his temples like Richard Mulligan's Custer.
(Is there tundra in Greenland? I assume so, but I have been wrong before. Many times!)
(Is there tundra in Greenland? I assume so, but I have been wrong before. Many times!)
"O Lord,* won't you give me... impeachment of Trump?"
*or Santa; I'm not picky.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
*or Santa; I'm not picky.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
All I asked for was one darn thing. Seems Santa needs to make amends this year.
December 24, 2025 at 12:51 PM
"O Lord,* won't you give me... impeachment of Trump?"
*or Santa; I'm not picky.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
*or Santa; I'm not picky.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
I hope all present will join me in offering my sincere, heartfelt something or others to the particular fascistic, transphobic trainwreck of a human being who is Riley "Playground Tantrummer" Gaines for moving up from fifth-place disgruntled athlete to first-place Leadership Institute lackey!
SPORTICO: “Riley Gaines received $474,313 in compensation last year from the Leadership Institute, according to the conservative organization’s most recent tax filing… a staggering $420,155 (89%) classified as bonus or incentive compensation…” www.sportico.com/business/med...
December 24, 2025 at 12:44 PM
I hope all present will join me in offering my sincere, heartfelt something or others to the particular fascistic, transphobic trainwreck of a human being who is Riley "Playground Tantrummer" Gaines for moving up from fifth-place disgruntled athlete to first-place Leadership Institute lackey!
Howard Lutnick, ladies and gentlemen, truly a man of many talents! And other attributes not to be named in polite company. For example, something that rhymes with hoopid and something else that rhymes with mashistic. Also, kicklod and brothertucker. Piglorant wight-ning puttnob.
Hey, this is fun!
Hey, this is fun!
December 24, 2025 at 12:08 PM
Howard Lutnick, ladies and gentlemen, truly a man of many talents! And other attributes not to be named in polite company. For example, something that rhymes with hoopid and something else that rhymes with mashistic. Also, kicklod and brothertucker. Piglorant wight-ning puttnob.
Hey, this is fun!
Hey, this is fun!
His Horrangeousness sez:
"I just remembered that I still have absolutely no clue what broadcast licenses are for, or who has to have them."
(ABC, for example, is not a broadcaster. ABC-affiliated stations need a license from the FCC to BROADCAST, i.e., to use transmitters on towers...
"I just remembered that I still have absolutely no clue what broadcast licenses are for, or who has to have them."
(ABC, for example, is not a broadcaster. ABC-affiliated stations need a license from the FCC to BROADCAST, i.e., to use transmitters on towers...
Trump posts early on Christmas Eve: "If Network NEWSCASTS, and their Late Night Shows, are almost 100% Negative to President Donald J. Trump, MAGA, and the Republican Party, shouldn’t their very valuable Broadcast Licenses be terminated? I say, YES!"
December 24, 2025 at 11:55 AM
His Horrangeousness sez:
"I just remembered that I still have absolutely no clue what broadcast licenses are for, or who has to have them."
(ABC, for example, is not a broadcaster. ABC-affiliated stations need a license from the FCC to BROADCAST, i.e., to use transmitters on towers...
"I just remembered that I still have absolutely no clue what broadcast licenses are for, or who has to have them."
(ABC, for example, is not a broadcaster. ABC-affiliated stations need a license from the FCC to BROADCAST, i.e., to use transmitters on towers...
Random right-wing nutjob sez:
"Don't have a cow, people – we'll be happy even if fascists only comprise 40% of a university's faculty!"
And the band played on.
"Don't have a cow, people – we'll be happy even if fascists only comprise 40% of a university's faculty!"
And the band played on.
December 24, 2025 at 11:33 AM
Random right-wing nutjob sez:
"Don't have a cow, people – we'll be happy even if fascists only comprise 40% of a university's faculty!"
And the band played on.
"Don't have a cow, people – we'll be happy even if fascists only comprise 40% of a university's faculty!"
And the band played on.
I love it!!!
Bondi and Blanche too?
Bondi and Blanche too?
Let's redact his face on all posts until the Epstein files are actually released, as a symbol that we are not putting up with this farce of completely blacked-out pages.
December 21, 2025 at 4:58 PM
I love it!!!
Bondi and Blanche too?
Bondi and Blanche too?
"Who are we gonna ostracize?"
"ALL THE FASCIST F*CKS!!!"
"When are we gonna ostracize them?"
"NOW!!!"
"ALL THE FASCIST F*CKS!!!"
"When are we gonna ostracize them?"
"NOW!!!"
December 18, 2025 at 9:32 PM
"Who are we gonna ostracize?"
"ALL THE FASCIST F*CKS!!!"
"When are we gonna ostracize them?"
"NOW!!!"
"ALL THE FASCIST F*CKS!!!"
"When are we gonna ostracize them?"
"NOW!!!"
Nontruth Antisocial sez:
"We are so stupid we think nuclear fusion will reach the break-even point in 2026.
Nah, just fooling – we just found a simple new hack to fleece brainwashed MAGA cult members!"
"We are so stupid we think nuclear fusion will reach the break-even point in 2026.
Nah, just fooling – we just found a simple new hack to fleece brainwashed MAGA cult members!"
President Trump’s social media company is going nuclear.
The move is somewhat confusing, the only explanation being that Trump wants to capitalize on power generation connected to the AI boom. trib.al/aTxbEcg
The move is somewhat confusing, the only explanation being that Trump wants to capitalize on power generation connected to the AI boom. trib.al/aTxbEcg
December 18, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Nontruth Antisocial sez:
"We are so stupid we think nuclear fusion will reach the break-even point in 2026.
Nah, just fooling – we just found a simple new hack to fleece brainwashed MAGA cult members!"
"We are so stupid we think nuclear fusion will reach the break-even point in 2026.
Nah, just fooling – we just found a simple new hack to fleece brainwashed MAGA cult members!"
He sees the world solely in relation to himself, and demands our attention.
Some day the heavy burden of his
Some day the heavy burden of his
How sick is Trump that he wants to make a double murder in Los Angeles – likely a domestic tragedy – all about him?
December 15, 2025 at 5:50 PM
He sees the world solely in relation to himself, and demands our attention.
Some day the heavy burden of his
Some day the heavy burden of his
Trump sez:
"I was almost assassinated due to the anger I caused others through my massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as DERANGED TRUMP SYNDROME."
"I was almost assassinated due to the anger I caused others through my massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as DERANGED TRUMP SYNDROME."
December 15, 2025 at 5:23 PM
Trump sez:
"I was almost assassinated due to the anger I caused others through my massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as DERANGED TRUMP SYNDROME."
"I was almost assassinated due to the anger I caused others through my massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind crippling disease known as DERANGED TRUMP SYNDROME."
Mehdi Hasan says...
...the simple truth.
...the simple truth.
Intentionally killing innocent people is always wrong.
Wherever in the world it happens.
You might think everyone agrees with this simple moral principle, and yet far too many people, on far too many different sections of the political spectrum, try and make exceptions to it.
Wherever in the world it happens.
You might think everyone agrees with this simple moral principle, and yet far too many people, on far too many different sections of the political spectrum, try and make exceptions to it.
December 14, 2025 at 9:10 PM
Mehdi Hasan says...
...the simple truth.
...the simple truth.
Lindsey "The Supine" Graham sez:
"The President spends 2,000% of his time on all fours, cleaning up the feces that the Democrat Demon Hoard left behind when they vacated the Cap—uh, the White House.
The other 8,000% of his time he prays for world peace.
It'll all be done in two weeks."
"The President spends 2,000% of his time on all fours, cleaning up the feces that the Democrat Demon Hoard left behind when they vacated the Cap—uh, the White House.
The other 8,000% of his time he prays for world peace.
It'll all be done in two weeks."
Lindsey Graham: "I really do appreciate President Trump. He has got a mess on his hand from Obamacare to a broken border to a war in Russia-Ukraine to radical Islam on the rise, and it all goes back to Obama and Biden. He is cleaning up their mess and be patient with this man."
December 14, 2025 at 8:49 PM
Lindsey "The Supine" Graham sez:
"The President spends 2,000% of his time on all fours, cleaning up the feces that the Democrat Demon Hoard left behind when they vacated the Cap—uh, the White House.
The other 8,000% of his time he prays for world peace.
It'll all be done in two weeks."
"The President spends 2,000% of his time on all fours, cleaning up the feces that the Democrat Demon Hoard left behind when they vacated the Cap—uh, the White House.
The other 8,000% of his time he prays for world peace.
It'll all be done in two weeks."
Rand "Backwards Named" Paul sez:
"OK, we'll let the ACA folks live, at least for a while – it's not like there's ever been enough of them for us to make a stink over.
Also, good news – I hear Nate Silver's interested in creative solutions to the problem of uncertainty in health outcomes!"
"OK, we'll let the ACA folks live, at least for a while – it's not like there's ever been enough of them for us to make a stink over.
Also, good news – I hear Nate Silver's interested in creative solutions to the problem of uncertainty in health outcomes!"
Rand Paul: "My plan is this -- let people on the Obamacare market, which is about 4% of America, a small number of people, let them buy their insurance through Costco, Sam's Club, Amazon ... "
December 14, 2025 at 8:34 PM
Rand "Backwards Named" Paul sez:
"OK, we'll let the ACA folks live, at least for a while – it's not like there's ever been enough of them for us to make a stink over.
Also, good news – I hear Nate Silver's interested in creative solutions to the problem of uncertainty in health outcomes!"
"OK, we'll let the ACA folks live, at least for a while – it's not like there's ever been enough of them for us to make a stink over.
Also, good news – I hear Nate Silver's interested in creative solutions to the problem of uncertainty in health outcomes!"
Brooke "Big Wheel Keeps on Turning" Rollins sez:
"These are deals. These deals are real. No one can see them. No one has ever seen them. If anyone says they've seen them, they're a better liar than I am. If we're lucky we'll see their shadows next year. I know the word 'effectuate.'"
"These are deals. These deals are real. No one can see them. No one has ever seen them. If anyone says they've seen them, they're a better liar than I am. If we're lucky we'll see their shadows next year. I know the word 'effectuate.'"
Brooke Rollins: "These deals are real. No one in the history of our country has ever been able to effectuate deals like this. We won't see the effect until next year."
December 9, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Brooke "Big Wheel Keeps on Turning" Rollins sez:
"These are deals. These deals are real. No one can see them. No one has ever seen them. If anyone says they've seen them, they're a better liar than I am. If we're lucky we'll see their shadows next year. I know the word 'effectuate.'"
"These are deals. These deals are real. No one can see them. No one has ever seen them. If anyone says they've seen them, they're a better liar than I am. If we're lucky we'll see their shadows next year. I know the word 'effectuate.'"
Laura Ingraham sez:
"Would you believe, I *still* don't know if I'm lying when I say I have no idea what a tariff is. And I'm damn proud to admit it – ignorance is strength, after all!
Wait, is this strangely glowing briefcase an import duty? I'll just take a quick peek inside..."
"Would you believe, I *still* don't know if I'm lying when I say I have no idea what a tariff is. And I'm damn proud to admit it – ignorance is strength, after all!
Wait, is this strangely glowing briefcase an import duty? I'll just take a quick peek inside..."
YIKES! Fox “News” host and Trump lackey Laura Ingraham just tried to tell a whopper of a lie to cover for Trump’s farmer bailout plan, pretending tariffs are paid by foreign countries. A community note fact check quickly corrected the record.
December 9, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Laura Ingraham sez:
"Would you believe, I *still* don't know if I'm lying when I say I have no idea what a tariff is. And I'm damn proud to admit it – ignorance is strength, after all!
Wait, is this strangely glowing briefcase an import duty? I'll just take a quick peek inside..."
"Would you believe, I *still* don't know if I'm lying when I say I have no idea what a tariff is. And I'm damn proud to admit it – ignorance is strength, after all!
Wait, is this strangely glowing briefcase an import duty? I'll just take a quick peek inside..."