Paul Lander
@paullander.bsky.social
TV/comedy writer/Producer, award-winning columnist. His humor pieces have appeared in MAD, American Bystander, Weekly Humorist, McSweeneys, Humor Times, etc.
Pinned
Ripping the Headlines Today - Paul Lander, Humor Times
Making fun of headlines, like: "Bill Gates STI charges result of dispute Epstein mediated" - Apparently, Bill Gates has been playing XXX Box.
www.humortimes.com
Extra! Extra! Latest Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/9/26 - Paul Lander - @subs.humortimes.com
www.humortimes.com/417054/rippi...
www.humortimes.com/417054/rippi...
Reposted by Paul Lander
Student has threesome with both of his English teachers. And, I for one, am shocked, this sounds way more like a class in French.
February 12, 2026 at 6:23 PM
Student has threesome with both of his English teachers. And, I for one, am shocked, this sounds way more like a class in French.
Reposted by Paul Lander
Good morning and happy #Caturday Saturday
Happy Valentine 💘
There will be parties tonight so join us!
If you want my help growing your account comment or leave a meme.
Have an awesome day. ❤️☮️
Repost
Happy Valentine 💘
There will be parties tonight so join us!
If you want my help growing your account comment or leave a meme.
Have an awesome day. ❤️☮️
Repost
a kitten is sitting in a box with hearts on the floor .
ALT: a kitten is sitting in a box with hearts on the floor .
media.tenor.com
February 14, 2026 at 1:20 PM
Good morning and happy #Caturday Saturday
Happy Valentine 💘
There will be parties tonight so join us!
If you want my help growing your account comment or leave a meme.
Have an awesome day. ❤️☮️
Repost
Happy Valentine 💘
There will be parties tonight so join us!
If you want my help growing your account comment or leave a meme.
Have an awesome day. ❤️☮️
Repost
Reposted by Paul Lander
Time for NBA All Star weekend. Or as the Kardashians call it’Tinder.’
February 12, 2026 at 10:00 PM
Time for NBA All Star weekend. Or as the Kardashians call it’Tinder.’
Reposted by Paul Lander
❤️Happy Valentines Day❤️
🦊 Meet and Greet 🦊
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get
Only with what you are expecting to give
Which is everything."
–Katharine Hepburn
If you can be anything
Be Kind
Have a lovely Valentines Day
We will be okay
💘 Love 💘
🦊 Foxy🦊
🦊 Meet and Greet 🦊
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get
Only with what you are expecting to give
Which is everything."
–Katharine Hepburn
If you can be anything
Be Kind
Have a lovely Valentines Day
We will be okay
💘 Love 💘
🦊 Foxy🦊
February 14, 2026 at 1:39 PM
❤️Happy Valentines Day❤️
🦊 Meet and Greet 🦊
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get
Only with what you are expecting to give
Which is everything."
–Katharine Hepburn
If you can be anything
Be Kind
Have a lovely Valentines Day
We will be okay
💘 Love 💘
🦊 Foxy🦊
🦊 Meet and Greet 🦊
"Love has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get
Only with what you are expecting to give
Which is everything."
–Katharine Hepburn
If you can be anything
Be Kind
Have a lovely Valentines Day
We will be okay
💘 Love 💘
🦊 Foxy🦊
Reposted by Paul Lander
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein. medium.com/muddyum/epst...
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein.
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein.
medium.com
February 13, 2026 at 6:16 PM
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein. medium.com/muddyum/epst...
Reposted by Paul Lander
Jennifer Lopez ‘furious’ over Bad Bunny Super Bowl performance snub. Not as mad as those trying to get a refund from seeing Gigli.
February 13, 2026 at 7:17 PM
Jennifer Lopez ‘furious’ over Bad Bunny Super Bowl performance snub. Not as mad as those trying to get a refund from seeing Gigli.
Reposted by Paul Lander
New Jersey teacher who slept with students at family bagel shop learns prison sentence. Damn, sounds like she misunderstood her job teaching them how to multiply
February 13, 2026 at 7:45 PM
New Jersey teacher who slept with students at family bagel shop learns prison sentence. Damn, sounds like she misunderstood her job teaching them how to multiply
Reposted by Paul Lander
Trump quips about where he might move after White House as smiling Melania nods her approval.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
February 14, 2026 at 1:32 AM
Trump quips about where he might move after White House as smiling Melania nods her approval.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
Reposted by Paul Lander
Thanks for the laugh! 🤣
Follow this guy, he's witty.
Follow this guy, he's witty.
US added 130000 jobs in January. All of them Epstein file redacters.
February 14, 2026 at 6:10 AM
Thanks for the laugh! 🤣
Follow this guy, he's witty.
Follow this guy, he's witty.
Reposted by Paul Lander
There so much criming DHS could be a show Law and Order: DHS
February 13, 2026 at 7:13 PM
There so much criming DHS could be a show Law and Order: DHS
Reposted by Paul Lander
US added 130000 jobs in January. All of them Epstein file redacters.
February 12, 2026 at 3:13 AM
US added 130000 jobs in January. All of them Epstein file redacters.
Reposted by Paul Lander
Thanks to @counterpointtoons.bsky.social for including this one with the amazing group of usual suspects by me and @cartoonydan.bsky.social
February 13, 2026 at 3:00 PM
Thanks to @counterpointtoons.bsky.social for including this one with the amazing group of usual suspects by me and @cartoonydan.bsky.social
Trump quips about where he might move after White House as smiling Melania nods her approval.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
February 14, 2026 at 1:32 AM
Trump quips about where he might move after White House as smiling Melania nods her approval.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
So what we know is someplace she won’t be.
Reposted by Paul Lander
Border patrol chief Greg Bovino tried to flirt with a journalist…
“I’d love to see you bustling around the gubner’s kitchen fixing us a pie. I truly would.”
@noturtlesoup17.bsky.social
“I’d love to see you bustling around the gubner’s kitchen fixing us a pie. I truly would.”
@noturtlesoup17.bsky.social
February 13, 2026 at 8:15 PM
Border patrol chief Greg Bovino tried to flirt with a journalist…
“I’d love to see you bustling around the gubner’s kitchen fixing us a pie. I truly would.”
@noturtlesoup17.bsky.social
“I’d love to see you bustling around the gubner’s kitchen fixing us a pie. I truly would.”
@noturtlesoup17.bsky.social
Reposted by Paul Lander
People are saying, as Lindsey Von tumbled down the ski slope she was screaming: yeah but the Dow hit 50,000.
February 13, 2026 at 7:21 PM
People are saying, as Lindsey Von tumbled down the ski slope she was screaming: yeah but the Dow hit 50,000.
New Jersey teacher who slept with students at family bagel shop learns prison sentence. Damn, sounds like she misunderstood her job teaching them how to multiply
February 13, 2026 at 7:45 PM
New Jersey teacher who slept with students at family bagel shop learns prison sentence. Damn, sounds like she misunderstood her job teaching them how to multiply
People are saying, as Lindsey Von tumbled down the ski slope she was screaming: yeah but the Dow hit 50,000.
February 13, 2026 at 7:21 PM
People are saying, as Lindsey Von tumbled down the ski slope she was screaming: yeah but the Dow hit 50,000.
Jennifer Lopez ‘furious’ over Bad Bunny Super Bowl performance snub. Not as mad as those trying to get a refund from seeing Gigli.
February 13, 2026 at 7:17 PM
Jennifer Lopez ‘furious’ over Bad Bunny Super Bowl performance snub. Not as mad as those trying to get a refund from seeing Gigli.
There so much criming DHS could be a show Law and Order: DHS
February 13, 2026 at 7:13 PM
There so much criming DHS could be a show Law and Order: DHS
Reposted by Paul Lander
Trump claims ignorance of Lutnick’s Epstein island visit and then says he heard ‘he was there with his wife and children’ Probably for the free dental…
February 13, 2026 at 6:10 PM
Trump claims ignorance of Lutnick’s Epstein island visit and then says he heard ‘he was there with his wife and children’ Probably for the free dental…
Reposted by Paul Lander
McDonald's has secret menu
Then why use that crappy one?
Then why use that crappy one?
February 9, 2026 at 4:15 PM
McDonald's has secret menu
Then why use that crappy one?
Then why use that crappy one?
Reposted by Paul Lander
Extra post: New Cartoon——Minneapolis Victory!
Extra post: New Cartoon——Minneapolis Victory!
Minnesota pushes back
open.substack.com
February 13, 2026 at 3:40 PM
Extra post: New Cartoon——Minneapolis Victory!
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein. medium.com/muddyum/epst...
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein.
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein.
medium.com
February 13, 2026 at 6:16 PM
Epstein. Epstein. Epstein. medium.com/muddyum/epst...
Trump claims ignorance of Lutnick’s Epstein island visit and then says he heard ‘he was there with his wife and children’ Probably for the free dental…
February 13, 2026 at 6:10 PM
Trump claims ignorance of Lutnick’s Epstein island visit and then says he heard ‘he was there with his wife and children’ Probably for the free dental…
Reposted by Paul Lander
Thank ya Humor Outcasts, @dtcav.bsky.social for reprinting my column: Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/13/26 humoroutcasts.com/2026/ripping...
Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/13/26
Making fun of the headlines today, so you don’t have to The news, even that about the events in Minneapolis, don’t need to be complicated or confusing; that’s what any new release from Microsoft is…
humoroutcasts.com
February 13, 2026 at 2:18 PM
Thank ya Humor Outcasts, @dtcav.bsky.social for reprinting my column: Ripping the Headlines Today, 2/13/26 humoroutcasts.com/2026/ripping...