I thought trimming my beard like Wolverine would make me look cool but | just look like his fat Italian cousin Wolveroni.
December 19, 2025 at 3:05 PM
I thought trimming my beard like Wolverine would make me look cool but | just look like his fat Italian cousin Wolveroni.
You ever take one of those pointy poops? One that's thick and feels like it's made out of crushed up tortilla chips? Right as it's coming out you feel the scratching and you're like "oh man I'm gonna knock a lot of pictures off the wall getting this couch out the back door."
December 18, 2025 at 4:41 PM
You ever take one of those pointy poops? One that's thick and feels like it's made out of crushed up tortilla chips? Right as it's coming out you feel the scratching and you're like "oh man I'm gonna knock a lot of pictures off the wall getting this couch out the back door."
Holiday parties in the Midwest are great because someone will bring a casserole dish of gummy bears with cake frosting on it and be like "oh you like that? that's my gran's Christmas salad."
December 14, 2025 at 4:04 PM
Holiday parties in the Midwest are great because someone will bring a casserole dish of gummy bears with cake frosting on it and be like "oh you like that? that's my gran's Christmas salad."
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can't take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
December 13, 2025 at 5:19 PM
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer but you can't take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
They’re gorgeous.
December 13, 2025 at 3:30 PM
They’re gorgeous.
Legolas’ early years internship.
December 10, 2025 at 3:40 PM
Legolas’ early years internship.
My Christmas tree will die slowly on display. Just like Jesus.
December 9, 2025 at 4:53 PM
My Christmas tree will die slowly on display. Just like Jesus.
My 20s: *sees NBA player wearing custom shoes at game* I need those shoes.
My 40s: *sees 90 year old woman wearing Reebok’s at a Pho restaurant* Those must be comfortable.
My 40s: *sees 90 year old woman wearing Reebok’s at a Pho restaurant* Those must be comfortable.
December 4, 2025 at 4:16 PM
My 20s: *sees NBA player wearing custom shoes at game* I need those shoes.
My 40s: *sees 90 year old woman wearing Reebok’s at a Pho restaurant* Those must be comfortable.
My 40s: *sees 90 year old woman wearing Reebok’s at a Pho restaurant* Those must be comfortable.
Hey baby does the carpet match the ugly Christmas sweater?
December 3, 2025 at 3:26 PM
Hey baby does the carpet match the ugly Christmas sweater?
The real war on Christmas is when the US government finds out there's oil in the North Pole.
December 2, 2025 at 2:53 AM
The real war on Christmas is when the US government finds out there's oil in the North Pole.
It’s all I want.
December 1, 2025 at 3:27 PM
It’s all I want.
ACAB includes reindeer gatekeeping reindeer games.
November 30, 2025 at 8:06 PM
ACAB includes reindeer gatekeeping reindeer games.
ACAB includes The Grinch.
November 30, 2025 at 7:02 PM
ACAB includes The Grinch.
“I said put your shoes back on, heathen.”
November 30, 2025 at 12:58 AM
“I said put your shoes back on, heathen.”
A deal is a deal.
November 29, 2025 at 5:06 PM
A deal is a deal.
The dam is about to burst.
November 28, 2025 at 3:03 PM
The dam is about to burst.
I ate so much yesterday I should probably drink my coffee on the toilet this morning.
November 28, 2025 at 2:44 PM
I ate so much yesterday I should probably drink my coffee on the toilet this morning.
My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
November 27, 2025 at 2:16 PM
My uncle used to ruin every Thanksgiving with his drinking problem, but now he found Jesus and ruins it with that.
I thought Canadian Thanksgiving was a sex move.
November 27, 2025 at 1:41 AM
I thought Canadian Thanksgiving was a sex move.
It should be a rule.
November 26, 2025 at 5:15 PM
It should be a rule.
While my family argues at Thanksgiving dinner, I'll be on the roof taking on our real enemy. Birds. "We're eating one of you in here!" I yell, shaking my fist at the sky.
November 26, 2025 at 3:31 PM
While my family argues at Thanksgiving dinner, I'll be on the roof taking on our real enemy. Birds. "We're eating one of you in here!" I yell, shaking my fist at the sky.
The only home I can afford.
November 24, 2025 at 4:17 PM
The only home I can afford.
I should be able to barter dinosaur jokes for healthcare.
November 23, 2025 at 7:36 PM
I should be able to barter dinosaur jokes for healthcare.