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Sam On The Computer

@samalexjohnston.bsky.social

70 followers 51 following 82 posts

World's smartest idiot. World's dumbest genius. I look like David Cameron going undercover at Download Festival, and I do a podcast called 24 Bauer Party People. I'm not happy about it either.

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 10d

CONTINENTAL HOTEL BONG SOMMELIER: And what would Sir desire for, hm, an amuse-bouche?
KEANU WICK: Something with... character. Bold, but... refined.
CHBS: [Pulling out a joint that looks like the weed equivalent of a Scooby-Doo sandwich] Of course. One pirate coin please

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 17d

When you call in Raptured to work then run into your boss on the tribulation plains of Gehenna 😫😫😫

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · 23d

What are some good places to slouch towards for someone just getting into being a rough beast, its hour come at last

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Sep 2

How it feels being a Brit and being told increasingly implausibly that a world leader isn't on death's door

The Simpsons bit where Marge tries to yell "Lisa, no!" but reflexively yells out "Bart, no!" out of habit, much to Bart's chagrin, but - and get this - she's saying "Queen Elizabeth, no!" instead of "Donald Trump, no!". And the faceswap so it's QE2 rather than Bart is quite sharp, I feel.

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Aug 28

THE WETHERSPOONS BOUNCER: You don't have any outside drinks, do you lad?
ME:

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Aug 23

Reactions were, shall we say, spirited but mixed. Telling people that it was a legitimate number one single felt like breaking the news that Santa is real and got intercepted by the Iron Dome

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Aug 23

That does raise the interesting question of whether me getting grandfathered in means I'm boots on the ground in wetwork swan elimination or if the rules as written means I'm more of a Q Branch role, turning everyday items into elite poaching gear for the girls in the hit squads

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Aug 21

I don't know this song but these whole afters are about to discover it with me

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Aug 19

SEEEEE-CRET BROTHAH

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Jul 2

Sometimes I think I handled lockdown OK. Sometimes I'll see just how I was typing back then

Trinket @trinketbirdy.bsky.social · Jul 2

Oh no

Marghost 👻 @mitildide.bsky.social · Jul 2

I know this is far fetched but does anyone remember a thread that was published on twitter back in 2020-ish, where this girl's OKC match was involved in an epic battle against the person that kept putting pumpkins on his property?

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Jun 30

Thinking about getting really into being a guy with light to moderate back pain

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Jun 28

Doing a remake of The Enigma Of Amigara Fault where "my hole" is replaced with "my assigned window seat on a five hour summertime British Rail journey" and the shape at the end is whatever kind of semi-ambulatory sweat golem I have today become

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 28

Do you know about how in the Philippines there's a lot of killings related to My Way being done at karaoke? Imagine if we added The Biz to the mix there

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 28

I never thought My Way was a cover, but after Behind Blue Eyes I just took it as read that My Generation by Limp Bizkit was another Who cover and actively avoided it

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 27

Tenancy deposit dispute scheme dismissed 96% of what my old landlord tried to get me to pay them. Very smugly feeling this right now lads

Mark from Peep Show edited saying "What's funnier - zero [damages] or, like, a humiliating [£50]?"

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 26

ME: Grandpa... I have finally opened my lasagna restaurant... are you proud
MY GRANDFATHER, RIDDLED WITH DEMENTIA BUT STILL TRYING TO UNDERCUT MY ACHIEVEMENTS: Lasagna is the queen. But pasta is the kingdom.

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 26

Encountered this new restaurant earlier and already know I'll be repeating it's tagline to myself every so often like it's a piece of ancient wisdom for a month

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 26

Encountered this new restaurant earlier and already know I'll be repeating it's tagline to myself every so often like it's a piece of ancient wisdom for a month

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 22

[Witnessing my mighty works decay through time and entropy, leaving only two vast and trunkless legs in a boundless desert] My works!

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 16

ETHAN HUNT: I'll stop you. I don't care how many backflips I have to do
THE ENTITY: White Genocide [1] is a disputed term used by

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · May 9

One time I saw a scorpion get out of a car wearing a jacket with Ryan Gosling on the back

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Apr 23

This, to me, is Snowpiercer

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Apr 8

I think if Rihanna flirtatiously called me a "rude boy" I'd probably get pretty offended. Once her team explained it to me I'd calm down but it would be a tense twenty to thirty minutes until I got it

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Apr 2

Can't believe I just spent three days in a delirious state from a nearly 40° fever and the best post idea I hallucinated was "what idiot called it Battlestar Galactica and not Deep Space Nine Eleven"

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Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Mar 27

BREAKING: Astronomers blame unprecedented "twice as many stars as usual" cosmic anomaly on rare newborn two-headed calf - "As a scientist, I say we stomp that freaky bovine twerp, pronto"

Sam On The Computer @samalexjohnston.bsky.social · Mar 21

Oh lads you won't believe what's happened