Call me Tim
@slimjimtx.bsky.social
I’m kind to humans and animals and I am a raging knucklehead. I occasionally joke around. I changed my avatar to the very distinguished Panda Man.
I have disabled all DMs. Just interact with me publicly.
I have disabled all DMs. Just interact with me publicly.
Pinned
Call me Tim
@slimjimtx.bsky.social
· Nov 11
Six to Eight Black Men David Sedaris : Free Download, Borrow, and Streaming : Internet Archive
Six to Eight Black Men by David Sedaris
archive.org
Christmas is coming. Here is a fun story for you. I hope you’ll enjoy it. archive.org/details/SixT...
To whom it may concern: if you’re the one with my voodoo doll, please stop what you’re doing. It’s really not funny anymore. It was cute for a while, but now it’s a real pain in my ass, neck, head, stomach and feet. Please, give it a rest. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!!
December 16, 2025 at 4:18 AM
To whom it may concern: if you’re the one with my voodoo doll, please stop what you’re doing. It’s really not funny anymore. It was cute for a while, but now it’s a real pain in my ass, neck, head, stomach and feet. Please, give it a rest. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!!!!
My wife and I are a pair of kuncleheads. One of us might say a word like “snack” and the other will say a rhyming phrase like “snickety-snack!” things like that. It keeps our relationship silly and fresh. We’re adorable. Flipptiy-flop!
December 15, 2025 at 11:58 PM
My wife and I are a pair of kuncleheads. One of us might say a word like “snack” and the other will say a rhyming phrase like “snickety-snack!” things like that. It keeps our relationship silly and fresh. We’re adorable. Flipptiy-flop!
Thinking about Rob Reiner made me think about “A Few Good Men” which then made me think of this parody that was on “The Ben Stiller Show” in the 90s. I can only imagine he would have thought this was funny. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
youtu.be/PKjr3S6NxPo?...
youtu.be/PKjr3S6NxPo?...
A Few Good Scouts
YouTube video by Erik Blomquist
youtu.be
December 15, 2025 at 11:03 PM
Thinking about Rob Reiner made me think about “A Few Good Men” which then made me think of this parody that was on “The Ben Stiller Show” in the 90s. I can only imagine he would have thought this was funny. I hope you’ll enjoy it.
youtu.be/PKjr3S6NxPo?...
youtu.be/PKjr3S6NxPo?...
To all who celebrate, may you have a Happy Hanukkah. 🕎
December 14, 2025 at 5:48 PM
To all who celebrate, may you have a Happy Hanukkah. 🕎
Did you ever go to a museum to see one exhibit. ONE EXHIBIT and it’s on loan to another museum? This has happened to me at least twice. One was The British Museum. I wanted to see the Rosetta Stone. Another time, my wife and I were in Chicago at The Art Institute to see “American Gothic.”
December 14, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Did you ever go to a museum to see one exhibit. ONE EXHIBIT and it’s on loan to another museum? This has happened to me at least twice. One was The British Museum. I wanted to see the Rosetta Stone. Another time, my wife and I were in Chicago at The Art Institute to see “American Gothic.”
Who is this guy, “Round John Virgin” in that Christmas song? I may be an atheist, but I’ve read the Bible and found no references to this fellow.
December 13, 2025 at 10:54 PM
Who is this guy, “Round John Virgin” in that Christmas song? I may be an atheist, but I’ve read the Bible and found no references to this fellow.
WARNING!! This is a very stupid joke that I just thought up!!
Q: What did Darth Vader say when he saw you had no George Michael records in your collection?
A: “I find your lack of ‘Faith’ disturbing.”
I did warn you that it’s a stupid joke. I just couldn’t keep it to myself.
Q: What did Darth Vader say when he saw you had no George Michael records in your collection?
A: “I find your lack of ‘Faith’ disturbing.”
I did warn you that it’s a stupid joke. I just couldn’t keep it to myself.
December 13, 2025 at 9:59 AM
WARNING!! This is a very stupid joke that I just thought up!!
Q: What did Darth Vader say when he saw you had no George Michael records in your collection?
A: “I find your lack of ‘Faith’ disturbing.”
I did warn you that it’s a stupid joke. I just couldn’t keep it to myself.
Q: What did Darth Vader say when he saw you had no George Michael records in your collection?
A: “I find your lack of ‘Faith’ disturbing.”
I did warn you that it’s a stupid joke. I just couldn’t keep it to myself.
I know I’ve said this before but it bears repeating. It’s Friday. I want everyone to have fun tonight. But let’s take it easy on the Wang Chung tonight. I’m looking at you, Phil. You know what happened. Be well, party people! ❤️
December 12, 2025 at 9:10 PM
I know I’ve said this before but it bears repeating. It’s Friday. I want everyone to have fun tonight. But let’s take it easy on the Wang Chung tonight. I’m looking at you, Phil. You know what happened. Be well, party people! ❤️
The best things about my neighbors is that they’re quiet and that I never have to see their stupid faces.
December 12, 2025 at 12:38 PM
The best things about my neighbors is that they’re quiet and that I never have to see their stupid faces.
My wife is on this kick where she makes herself an egg white omelette each morning. What she didn’t count on was egg farts. Yes, women fart. They fart more often than men. They just pretend that nothing noxious escapes their buttholes. It does. They’re worse than dog farts.
December 12, 2025 at 12:31 AM
My wife is on this kick where she makes herself an egg white omelette each morning. What she didn’t count on was egg farts. Yes, women fart. They fart more often than men. They just pretend that nothing noxious escapes their buttholes. It does. They’re worse than dog farts.
I watch a lot of true crime shows. Let’s say you’re a checker at Wal-Mart and someone is buying a tarp, a shovel, nylon rope and antifreeze. Do you ring that up as a standard murder kit or think nothing of it?
December 11, 2025 at 8:01 PM
I watch a lot of true crime shows. Let’s say you’re a checker at Wal-Mart and someone is buying a tarp, a shovel, nylon rope and antifreeze. Do you ring that up as a standard murder kit or think nothing of it?
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
December 11, 2025 at 2:00 PM
Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.
To hell with it. I’ll step up and buy Warner Brothers. Help me search the couch cushions for $150bil.
December 9, 2025 at 2:22 PM
To hell with it. I’ll step up and buy Warner Brothers. Help me search the couch cushions for $150bil.
If someone is ever foolish enough to put me on a game show and they ask me what I would do with the money, I would say that I would use it for vengeance against my enemies. It sounds like a funny joke, doesn’t it?
December 8, 2025 at 9:28 PM
If someone is ever foolish enough to put me on a game show and they ask me what I would do with the money, I would say that I would use it for vengeance against my enemies. It sounds like a funny joke, doesn’t it?
Your wife gives you a “honey do” list and you tell her that you’ll get to it eventually. She doesn’t need to remind you every six months.
December 7, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Your wife gives you a “honey do” list and you tell her that you’ll get to it eventually. She doesn’t need to remind you every six months.
What do you say to an insane naked man?
“I can clearly see your nuts.”
“I can clearly see your nuts.”
December 7, 2025 at 6:16 AM
What do you say to an insane naked man?
“I can clearly see your nuts.”
“I can clearly see your nuts.”
Sure, she’s a ten, but she laughs like Seth Rogen.
December 6, 2025 at 11:40 AM
Sure, she’s a ten, but she laughs like Seth Rogen.
I got to tell you that my Spotify Rap is that I don’t use Spotify.
December 4, 2025 at 3:43 PM
I got to tell you that my Spotify Rap is that I don’t use Spotify.
My wife’s favorite flowers are peonies. I contacted an artist on Etsy from Ukraine to paint an original art piece for her for Christmas. I hope it will bring her joy. I like to think I’m a thoughtful husband, but we all know the ugly truth. 😛
December 3, 2025 at 5:32 PM
My wife’s favorite flowers are peonies. I contacted an artist on Etsy from Ukraine to paint an original art piece for her for Christmas. I hope it will bring her joy. I like to think I’m a thoughtful husband, but we all know the ugly truth. 😛
I found this true crime show that’s all naked people caught on camera doing naughty things. It may be my new favorite. I think it’s called “Exposed” something and it’s one of the Discovery networks, I think. My guess is that these folks are high on something. It’s wild.
December 3, 2025 at 1:23 PM
I found this true crime show that’s all naked people caught on camera doing naughty things. It may be my new favorite. I think it’s called “Exposed” something and it’s one of the Discovery networks, I think. My guess is that these folks are high on something. It’s wild.
Let’s say you have a significant other of more than ten years. What’s a reasonable limit for a holiday gift. I have something in mind for my wife, but I don’t want to go overboard. I have a number in mind of about three figures.
December 3, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Let’s say you have a significant other of more than ten years. What’s a reasonable limit for a holiday gift. I have something in mind for my wife, but I don’t want to go overboard. I have a number in mind of about three figures.
Old man Tim here keeps seeing the name Sydney Sweeney. Am I supposed to know who that is? Is she a celebrity? To me, celebrities are people I’ve heard of. Seriously, is she meant to be famous or something? Actress, maybe?
December 2, 2025 at 2:58 PM
Old man Tim here keeps seeing the name Sydney Sweeney. Am I supposed to know who that is? Is she a celebrity? To me, celebrities are people I’ve heard of. Seriously, is she meant to be famous or something? Actress, maybe?
Remember this oldie? The song is creepy to begin with, but this version takes it to the next level.
Check out this video, "bill cosby baby it's cold outside" share.google/LA5bJ5y15Jsh...
Check out this video, "bill cosby baby it's cold outside" share.google/LA5bJ5y15Jsh...
share.google
December 2, 2025 at 2:10 PM
Remember this oldie? The song is creepy to begin with, but this version takes it to the next level.
Check out this video, "bill cosby baby it's cold outside" share.google/LA5bJ5y15Jsh...
Check out this video, "bill cosby baby it's cold outside" share.google/LA5bJ5y15Jsh...
We went to visit my brother’s family yesterday for a late Thanksgiving. He has two very young grandchildren so I wore my Bluey Texas Rangers jersey. He asked why I like Bluey. I said, “Because it’s awesome and funny.” I thought the kids would get a kick out of it. The older one got it. Cute kids.
December 1, 2025 at 3:20 PM
We went to visit my brother’s family yesterday for a late Thanksgiving. He has two very young grandchildren so I wore my Bluey Texas Rangers jersey. He asked why I like Bluey. I said, “Because it’s awesome and funny.” I thought the kids would get a kick out of it. The older one got it. Cute kids.
Tell me something good. Anything! Something small or something big. Anything that is bringing you joy today. I’m eager to hear it. For me, music is bringing me joy. I love music. Go!
November 30, 2025 at 3:50 PM
Tell me something good. Anything! Something small or something big. Anything that is bringing you joy today. I’m eager to hear it. For me, music is bringing me joy. I love music. Go!