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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 1d

Thank you for offering, I really appreciate it. I think I wasn't really in a state to accept it at the time anyway though

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 1d

I don't think I was actually in much of a state to talk when you sent these, and I should probably sleep.

But thank you for the kind words.
It's very kind of you to offer your ear even though we don't know eachother.

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 1d

things are really bad and I don't know if they'll get better or be the same ever again

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 1d

Of course the day I really desperately don't want to be alone is the day all my rl friends turn in early

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 2d

i've never known anguish like this

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 3d

I'm so tired of the rollercoaster man I just can't anymore I want things to be stable

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 3d

I will live!

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 3d

Me when I speak too soon 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 5d

For the first time in 2.5 years I feel like I'm healing. Really healing

It's strange, how in some ways it's more intense than hurting

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 5d

For the first time in 2.5 years I feel like I'm healing. Really healing

It's strange, how in some ways it's more intense than hurting

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 5d

HRT is great but if it involves feeling this high strung I'm actually not sure how I'm gonna deal lol

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 6d

The traumatised girlie instinct that despite having a more solid and supportive network than ever, that everyone who's a part of it will drift away from you without warning

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 9d

CW: Minor Silksong Spoilers

The Festival of Fleas ambience will continue until morale improves.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=9xTc...

Been a bit of a rough day but soldiering on ✊

1 HOUR of Relaxing Hollow Knight: Silksong Ambience (Festival of Fleas + no screams)

YouTube video by Tangentino

www.youtube.com

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 10d

I still like my job, and I'm proud of what I do

But it's so hard to give as much care and compassion as I used to to the furry community and people close to me.

Compassion fatigue is setting in, and I'm kinda yearning for the ability to be compassionate on my own terms again.

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 11d

Someone was nice about my boundaries today, and I thought I was gonna cry, lol

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 11d

Thanks Nylah, a little shakey, but doing my best.

I know I've got lots of people including you I can turn to 💜

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 11d

Thanks bill gates for keeping my documents safe

I'll be alright 💜

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 11d

CW: Suicide mentions

Yesterday, I opened Word, and it opened an auto-recovered partially written suicide note of mine, which is definitely a fun thing to have happened right before going into the suicide heavy day of this trauma training.

This has been rough, I'm glad today is the last day.

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 16d

I've been doing better later, talking more and stuff.

But at the same time I've been here before, said this before, and I feel like every time I peek out and try to be myself again I just get wacked straight back into the quagmire.

I wonder how much of it is because I don't expect to be okay

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 17d

Hate hate hate when my colleagues notice that I'm off/not myself today

It's nice that they're attentive but it's also like...

Being vulnerable, not doing enough, wanting things I probably can't have

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 24d

Just do your job, keep people safe *actually care about them, keep the smarm to yourself

tyvm

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 24d

I'm sure lots of people who have overdosed have died in the ambulance surrounded by emergency services.
Stop making assumptions that only serve to make you seem like the enlightened one.

God I hate people sometimes

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 24d

Client: *Threatens suicide*

Me: "Hey I know you're this guy's housing caseworker, could u please tell the security staff to keep an extra close eye on him? This is his pattern and he's attempted before."

Her "Ok but he only ever does this for attention cos he only does it where people can help."

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 27d

Also, I literally don't know how to forgive myself, despite being genuinely so good at forgiving others

there's some process there that I just can't figure out

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 27d

My therapist kept driving at it, and I genuinely couldn't unpick my own feelings from the mire and I was just struck with the thought of like...

"You mean it isn't like this for everyone?"

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Yana but talks real @smallsongster.bsky.social · 27d

Never really considered that I might have autism or be ""neurodiverse""

But my latest therapy session when I realised so much of my making sense of the world was through other people's feelings, justifying their actions through their feelings, and that I literally couldn't connect with my own stuff

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