Author | Lightnews

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 20h

A lot of people leave out the hyphen in Spider-Man’s name. But I’ve never seen anyone forget the hyphen in X-Men.

“Spiderman” looks like it could be a Jewish surname. But what could “Xmen” be? Like, an extremist, all-male Christian sect, using the X the way we use it in Xmas?

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 2d

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 2d

I’ve seen so many people referencing Daylight Saving Time as lasting six months. It was actually March 9-November 2 this year. That’s almost eight months. Daylight Saving Time lasts longer than Standard Time now. One of very few good things the George W. Bush administration did.

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 2d

Like, I’ll prepare some information for a client about resources available to them in Florida and I always feel like I need to add “Keep in mine you live in a catastrophically broken hellstate, so probably none of these will be able to do anything they said they would.”

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 3d

You can never anticipate the questions you’re gonna have to answer in adulthood, like “is this recipe worthy of the good olive oil?”

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 4d

Obviously these are terrible people because they love Nick Fuentes. But can we agree that a man who sees his partner put that much effort into a Marilyn costume, then calls that bullshit a JFK costume has never remembered an anniversary, cooked a meal, or seen an in-person female orgasm?

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 4d

Belated Halloween joke —

Laurie Strode so other Final Girls could run.

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

My 12-year-old just posited that the original Universal Monsters series ended with all the monsters meeting Abbott and Costello, because Abbott and Costello were the real monsters.… I’m not sure that holds up to scrutiny.

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

I hate Jay Halloween. What do you mean you’re “Beyondo”?

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

I hate Gray Halloween. What do you mean you’re a slutty Area 51 alien?

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

I’ve only ever been, really, to Miami and Orlando/Disney World which are wonderful places to visit, because they are entirely dedicated to the tourist experience.

But from speaking to people in other parts of the state … it’s essentially Springfield from the Simpsons.

2

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

I often have to speak to businesses in Florida for my day job. And really, the whole state is about 75% of the way to Idiocracy. Just a crumbling dystopia of ignorance and incompetence that everyone just accepts as the natural state of things.

Tyler King @tyleraking.com · 6d

FL is moving forward w/ plan to end all childhood vaccine mandates. Starting with hepatitis B, chickenpox, and the bacteria causing meningitis and pneumonia. Then next year GOP FL legislature is expected to revisit 1977 law re: whooping cough, measles, polio, rubella, mumps, diphtheria, and tetanus.

1 1

Reposted by Noah Smith

Frank Conniff @frankconniff.bsky.social · 5d

It's not just seniors anymore: now Florida is also a great place for children to live out their final years.

Tyler King @tyleraking.com · 6d

FL is moving forward w/ plan to end all childhood vaccine mandates. Starting with hepatitis B, chickenpox, and the bacteria causing meningitis and pneumonia. Then next year GOP FL legislature is expected to revisit 1977 law re: whooping cough, measles, polio, rubella, mumps, diphtheria, and tetanus.

22 63 270

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

There’s was little girl at the Halloween parade, dressed as a jar of grape jelly. I currently have a cut on one finger from opening a jar of jelly, so technically she was the only monster in the parade who has ever done me physical harm.

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

I imagine the average person could say a lot of “the one from Twilight, the one from Sesame Street, that What We Do in the Shadows show…” stuff like that, but they couldn’t necessarily say the characters’ names.

2

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

I may have been conflating it with this movie starring a pre-Dead Poets Society Robert Sean Leonard.

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

I considered this, but the look is clearly based on Dracula.

I guess Lauren Hutton’s look in Once Bitten is also Dracula-adjacent and her character is called “The Countess.”

I thought Jim Carrey turns into a vampire in that, but according to Wikipedia, he never completes the transformation.

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

If you see this, post a vampire that isn’t Dracula

1 1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 5d

Just got back from the costume parade at my kids elementary school. Pretty much every time I didn’t recognize a little girl’s costume I assumed it was KPop Demon Hunters. And I’ve seen and very much enjoyed that movie!

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 6d

If you see this, quote with a robot that isn’t from “Star Wars,” “Star Trek,” “Doctor Who,” or “Transformers.”

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 6d

About Buddy? Or a similar fish-out-of-water story about a now-adult human raised from infancy by… Magical Halloween beings?

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 6d

How else would they get candy corn? It’s a quarter of their diet!

1 1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 7d

It was cute and harmless enough as I recall. I think the director did one of those every year, like “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Rogers” –– basically trying to get a 30 minute play out of what should’ve been a one-off joke in a hashtag game.

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 7d

On the latest episode of @wegotthispodcast.bsky.social, @pftompkins.bsky.social tells a story about trick-or-treating in 1977. An old woman asked him what his costume was. He said “Han Solo” and she said “Then where’s Gretel?”

I did once see a children’s theater play called Han Solo and Gretel.

1

Noah Smith @smithnoah.bsky.social · 7d

For my day job, I had to call somebody named Heaven. When she answered, she said “Hello” and I said “Hello, is this Heaven?“

To her discredit, she didn’t answer “No, this is Iowa.”