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spencer.

@spencerpart2.bsky.social

150 followers 190 following 310 posts

19 | he/him | worthless loser | non-edsky dni

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spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15d

hey quick psa!!!! block my old account ( spencerbl4dez ) i got my account stolen so that isn't me and do not trust them i just realized they didn't delete it and it's still up. i can't view it and don't know what they're up to over there

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 2h

i have to fucking move in a few months.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 12h

it's not something people talk about a lot but it does happen, it happened to me and it took me over 10 years to accept it was real. don't spend years doubting yourself and trying to convince yourself it was your fault, or that you shouldn't feel the way you do🫂🫂🖤🖤

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 12h

this may seem like an out of the blue post but i was thinking about it and i just wanted to say that if you're out there and you are also a cocsa survivor i promise you're not alone and your story matters and you aren't being dramatic 🫂🫂

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 13h

i feel so fucking empty

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 13h

they trust me with so much and yet i can barely bring myself to tell them that im sad.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 13h

i hate telling my friends about my feelings.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 13h

i hate telling my friends about my feelings.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 14h

i wont be wearing short sleeves again for a while i guess. at least it's winter so i have an excuse. i feel weird about it

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 14h

falling back into the trap of sh, tonight makes three nights in a row. just like last time it feels like i cant stop.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 14h

im ok now

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

i hate everything i just want to scream and bang my head against the wall until these thoughts stop.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

everything hurts.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

how do i trust people again? how do i trust myself again? how do i trust myself to not get obsessed and attached to a new person who gives me attention the way she did? it all feels like my fault.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

i need someone to rewire my brain. fix whatever it is that i broke up there.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

i know i let it all happen, i know that. i know i ignored the red flags and i know that in the moment i fucking liked how crazy she was. but now i feel sick seeing women who look like her, seeing her name, i feel sick thinking about all of it. i hate myself for letting it go so far.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

im a worse person, i was afraid every moment we were together, afraid she'd hurt me if i left, afraid she'd hurt herself or someone else. i woke up everyday afraid my girlfriend would be dead, she cheated on me, enabled me, and wanted me to be the clyde to her bonnie and i know im also to blame

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

whether i call it toxic or simply unhealthy and enabling it doesn't fucking matter because ive had panic attacks thinking i see her, i avoid entire parts of town, i have her fucking name etched into my skin and i want to rip it out. i want to forget i ever met her

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

i got this tattoo as a reminder that i survived a toxic relationship but right now it's just making me think of her and all i wanna do it slash at it until it's gone.

it's a bumble bee. that was my nickname for her.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

i got this tattoo as a reminder that i survived a toxic relationship but right now it's just making me think of her and all i wanna do it slash at it until it's gone.

it's a bumble bee. that was my nickname for her.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 15h

gonna try again at beating my liquid fast record. which is 60 hours give or take, gonna aim for 72 this time.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 16h

theres so much i can't do/cant handle. i can't be a waiter (too much to remember, too fast, too hot, too many smells, and too much to carry at once) i can't work in a kitchen. (heat, smells, and speed.) i can barely handle being in a food court, hell being in public places gets difficult.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 16h

i feel like such a failure of a human being for not being able to function in fast paced work.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 16h

im only like 10lbs away from my hw wtf.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 17h

i feel like im broken and stupid. i feel like my brain is defective and its my fault

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 18h

it feels so validating, but also it makes me feel like an asshole

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 18h

god i feel so guilty about being happy i weigh the least out of all my friends.

spencer. @spencerpart2.bsky.social · 18h

gettin this bitch ready for my annual six months of winter bedrotting